For 2 wks. my fiance has been emailing his "cousin" (no blood relation) that he hadn't communicated with for more than 10 yrs. She lives in another state & is married. The whole thing didn't feel right to me from the beginning, but I let it pass. He even invited me to read his emails if I was worried. I let this go on for a couple of wks.
Yesterday I finally read some of the recent emails they'd been exchanging. (He'd deleted most of them.) Some of the things that were said shattered my illusions, including things like, "I think of you all the time - all day, it seems," my fiance told her. "You're married & I have a girlfriend. Crazy, huh?" Then he would tell her about how he'd had a crush on her when they were teenagers & how it kept "resurfacing" throughout the years, that he'd even told his mom about how he'd liked her & she'd told him he'd be castrated if her parents found out. Although there was no cyber sex involved (yet), he'd told her he wanted to hug & kiss her & put his tongue in her mouth ("haha"). She also flirted with him by telling him she thought of him all the time as well & asked if his fiancee (me) answered his cell phone or opened his mail. If I didn't she'd call him & mail him a picture of herself. She said she didn't have anyone to talk to about him because no one would understand, especially when they all thought so highly of her husband.
I used to believe cheating was pretty much clear cut, but would this fall into that category? I confronted him about it yesterday, and he said most of the things they'd said to each other were in a joking manner. The rest, such as the crush, although true, would never come of it, he told me. He'd never intented for anything to happen between them & it was all just sorting out the past for a bit. Feelings he'd had for her, he claimed, were from 15 yrs. ago, & he was going to stop anyway because he didn't think it was right. But how can that be, when they obviously made these intimate exchanges these past few days?
I'm devastated. We live together & I'm also 5 mos. pregnant with our first child. I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to believe his apologies, but what I'd read hurt me so much I'm having difficulty getting pass it. If I kick him out of our home I'd have to sell my condo (since I can't afford it by myself, especially with a baby coming), look for an apt., & struggle to be a single parent. Is the situation that serious or am I reacting strictly on emotion? If I forgive him would I ever be able to trust him?
