survivor2021

Last weekend, I went to a hotel with friends. One of them knew a girl who lives nearby and suggested that we hang out with her, which we did. I kind of liked her. We did not interact so much personally since she was sitting far from me. She is single and I after we returned to the hotel, I asked my friend about her and he told me that they are only friends and it's ok to go for her. We didn't exchange numbers or anything but I ended up following her on Instagram (still waiting for her to accept the request). I was wondering if it's ok to text her something like '' Hey, it was nice meeting you the other day ''. Or maybe that will be weird since we barely talked to each other that much ?

No. I got my job offer way before I even ran into her. The only reason she traveled before me is that the clinic sponsored her VISA while my IT company left it to me to apply, which takes time. I'm interested in her but not to the point to move to her country, come on 🙃.

My(25M) childhood friend (24F) got a job in Germany. It's been more than 10 years since we haven't met and a while ago, we ran into each other. We were so excited to see each other after all this time. We spent our entire childhood playing tag and now we are grown ups working. I was interested in her and thought maybe it would be a good idea to hang out with her. I contacted her and she told me to come see her where she lives because she has something to tell me. That's when she told me that she is traveling in 2 days for this new job. She was so stressed out and scared because this is her first experience abroad and she is having doubts and keeps thinking about her family and her parents. I cheered her on, made her laugh, told her that everything will be okay and it will be a great experience. I did a good job on that and she insisted that I come see her one more time before she travels to say goodbye. The fact that she shared her feelings with me despite not seeing me for more than 10 years shows that she still considers me a friend. She could have ignored my text or give some kind of excuse since she is too busy and stressed. I decided to give her a gift to relieve the stress a little bit and make her happy. I made a frame with her name written and "Viel Gluck (meaning good luck in German)" that can be hanged easily on the wall so she can be a tiny bit motivated when she looks into it. She loved it so much and showed it to her family. When I got home, she messaged me to thank me again and told me that she will contact me when she gets there and will send me pictures of the hanged frame as well as some beautiful views from the city. I still haven't heard from her. She traveled one week ago. I want to check on her but at the same I'd rather not since she told me more than once that she will reach out to me. Maybe she is extremely busy and hasn't settled yet. Me too, I am moving to Germany ( a different city though, 1 hour away by airplane ) but I haven't told her or any of my friends until I get my VISA, which takes some time. Should I hold it, give her some space ( although all I will be doing is text her how are things going on and if maybe she is on for a WhatsApp call or something, so no big ) and message her once I am there in Germany and maybe meet her on one of the weekends and see how it goes and if she is still single and we kind of connect, maybe ask her out ? Any advice please ?

Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here. It will be a bit long so thank you in advance for reading. I am a 25 years old IT engineer, living and working in a third world country. My uncle has an IT company that has offices in Dubai and Tokyo and my bully older brother who I rarely got along with since we were children is working there. Seeing him in that city when I was struggling in college to get accepted into engineering studies made me feel so sad. He studied in a private college and did his internship in my uncle's company and then joined the Tokyo Office. One of my motivations to keep up with my studies is join my uncle's company and work in Tokyo too. I was hoping that maybe the expat experience will change my brother a bit and we might get along in the future as coworkers. Unfortunately, he got worse due to the stress. In 3 years, he got into arguments with pretty much everyone in his team, including his own manager. Things escalated and he almost got himself fired after an argument with my uncle, the CEO of the company. However things worked out and he remained where he was, thanks to my uncle and father good relationship. During the time he got into all of these problems, he keeps calling me and warning me not to come to this company because the working culture is toxic and the managers are unqualified people. It sounded like a threat more than an advice, because that's the way he talks. The pressure he put on me turned me off and I decided to make my own path and not join this toxic family business. Now I have been working for one year after graduating. My brother has been in the company for 7 years, got promoted and got a raise. The best thing about my uncle's company is that they afford housing and apartments for the engineers working there. When my brother almost got himself fired, he found a job in Belgium but turned it down because he realized that he will start the apartment hunting struggle when he already has an apartment in freaking Tokyo. As for me, I still had the desire to work in Tokyo, my dream city, even if it's not my uncle's company. I thought that since I have a brother there, I would have at least a temporary place until I find my own flat. That's the logical thinking I had and I never looked elsewhere except Tokyo. However, thanks to the COVID, Japan had its borders closed for everyone except Japanese people and residents and I could not land any interviews. When I shared this thought with my father, I got disappointed. He adviced me not to because there is a possibility that my uncle would get mad because I chose a different company, yet in the same city... I got furious but did not tell him anything. I am your freaking son and all you have is worries about my uncle ? Sorry I did not bring the part where my father is an ass kisser. He sucks up continuously to my uncle because he gave my brother a job in a city he could never have on his own and because he invited him to come to Dubai for some vacations. My father did not even ask me why I chose Tokyo and no other city, he just straight up got nervous and told me that Japan is not a good first destination and at the same time, he keeps hyping that place up whenever he brings up my brother to his friends or talks about it to me to make me join my uncle's company. I asked my brother about advice to find a job in Tokyo since he has been there for years and told me to give up and look elsewhere If I don't find any. He told me not to wait for Tokyo and only Tokyo and look for a job in another city. I really get triggered when he calls my parents when he is in the nightclub or on vacations, living the life when he managed to keep me away and got away with it. So basically, as you see, I had no support whatsoever. I found my jobs by myself and I got accepted into engineering studies with my own effort. A well known company in Munich ( Germany ) contacted me a few months ago. I did good on interviews and got accepted. The recruiter told me that there will be a relocation package and I will get at least a private room. I was happy and accepted the offer. Munich is a great city too. At least that's what I thought. Relocation service turned out to help only with making appointments for registration and getting working pre-approval. For the accommodation, all they can do is book a serviced apartment ( hotel room ), which is a lot expensive and cannot be afforded for a month. I keep hearing all these horror stories about how hard it is to find an apartment in Munich. People spend around 6 months to find a 1 room apartment that is worth 1000 euros per month. I started getting stressed and I did not even go there yet since I am waiting for my VISA appointment ( 3 months and I am still waiting, this is quite common too ). I somehow started to regret my decision and feel like I was played. My brother and father got me exactly where they wanted to. My brother kept me away from the company just like he wanted to and my father did not want me to be in any other company and if it's Tokyo or the middle east, it must be my uncle's company, and he succeeded. I could have at least tried to join my uncle's company, see what it's like and leave if things do not work out but my father's kiss ass behavior was a big factor why I did not in the end. He did things that even my brother hated. He talks on his behalf to my uncle and says that my brother is in love with his new car and wants to drive it and wash it and some messed up things like that. Whenever we are about to make a tiny decision, he tries to involve my uncle and convince us to take his advice. He gets into fights with my mother who refuses to kiss up to him as well. It's embarrassing, believe me... Now that I am going through all of this stress, I am starting to hate them. Because I kept quiet for so long, I feel like I am about to explode. They prevented me from the Tokyo opportunity, even if it was unintentionally. I talk to myself like crazy when I am in my room. I don't feel like talking to any of them: not my mother, not my brother, not my father. Even if I wanted to, what am I supposed to say ? I already accepted the job and I am waiting for my VISA. That was my decision. I feel like I am going to get distant from them even more and hold a greater grudge when I finally move in to Munich and go through the horrible apartment hunting there. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I feel like there is nothing I could have done better. My brother and father being turn offs is something I could not control by any means. If I decided to go against them and go to Tokyo and work with my brother, there is a great possibility that they will ruin the experience for me. I was not aware that the apartment hunting in Munich is THAT bad when I accepted and I thought that the relocation service will help with that matter. Thank you for reading this and sorry it's a bit long. I wish I could talk more about it so please don't hesitate to put in some comments.

@Rose Mosse No doubt about them being sincere. My father, in the end, has good intensions and that's why he is so obsessed with the idea of both his sons working in such a great company in such a great city. In the end, he wants our success. What's interesting is that my uncle did not even offer to me an internship or a job until my father interferred and told him about an internship I rejected in a company 🤣 At the early stages of all of this, I thought that he got fed up with making relatives join and decided to stop it. Yet, my father insists that he can call him and make it happen for me and I was against that. According to my father, my uncle once said that he respected my decision and said that I am choosing the right path because gaining experience on your own is the best I can do and that's what my brother lacked.

At the very least, it will be a career where my position does not depend on my uncle and father relationship and where there is no extra pressure from my father to 'please' my uncle. That's how I see it.

Wrong, you are misunderstanding. If my brother learns how to be professional by giving up his bad attitude and if my father understands that I am joining the company as an asset and an engineer instead of seeing it as in my uncle is doing me a favor, then I will join without thinking twice.

@Jibralta I obviously did not mean that I will bring this out during interviews or anything. Whatever company that is interviewing me will be interested in my experience and skills and of course they won't ask questions about my family 😄. @Batya33 I'm sorry i think I expressed myself in the wrong way. Indeed, this is so much dramatic. That is not my primary goal. As I mentionned, my dream is to work in a great city and a great place and after doing some research, I found out that Tokyo is one of the best cities to do so. Again, the problem here is my father and brother behaviors and if it was not for that, I'd have absolutely no problem working in my uncle's company. On the contrary, i'd be so happy to do so. However, if i do so, and let's suppose that one day I find a better job, or find out that the work environment is not the best for me and decided to switch companies. Here, my father will become so worried about how my uncle will think of me leaving his company and unfortunately, due to his attitude and behavior, I think he won't listen to my reasons because he cares so much about his relationship with my uncle. Once that kind of thinking starts, he will take it out on me and maybe my mother. It's a mess ! Another reason why I am trying to avoid this company is the fact that my brother is there. He is the short-tempered type of guy and he won't hesitate to scold me and scream at me and bully me. He will also tell me to not talk to specific engineers and managers in the company because had a an argument with them. Simply put, I want to detach my professional life from these family matters because, thanks to my brother experience, I found out that my family does not know how to draw limits between family and work.

@Rose Mosse So you are saying maybe I should work in my uncle's company in Tokyo and then leave after getting some work experience ? I thought about doing that, but that will taint my profile because of my father. He will keep saying that my uncle was the reason I went there in the first place and if it was not for him, I would be nowhere and that I should be eternally thankful to him. I just can't stand that. I am a proud guy, seeking to create the best version of myself and to prove it to everyone because I was always being looked down on since I was a kid by my family, cousins, brother and sister because I am the baby bird of the family. I'm not resentful or anything but since I started going to college, I believe I evolved so much and started becomign independable. I got all of my internships and some freelance jobs by myself and I want to keep going that way. Last thing I want is getting a job through a family relationship and ruining everything I have been working on. If my brother somehow finds me a job there, he will keep bragging to everyone that he was the one who found me that job and you know what ? I believe he will still do so even if I found the job by myself in Tokyo. He is that kind of person, the person that wants to talk, brag and show how awesome, smart and crafty he is. If I go to my uncle's company, my father's behavior will become worse and will cherich my uncle even more.

@Tinydance The coronavirus made it so difficult to work abroad, espacially with the new Omicron variant breaking out in Europe. I made some research and read some job offers and most of them require that the applicant is already located in the country. Plus, I have been rejected after posting for some jobs and I think it's because of my lack of experience, as I just graduated. I am no longer working 100% from home since I joined this new company that follows hybrid work policy, so sometimes I work from the office in the city and sometimes I work from home.

Hello and thank you for visiting my topic. I wanted to share this story and get some opinions for a long time. I am living and working in a third world country that has no promising life opportunities, no future and no dreams. So for a while now, especially after the Coronavirus epidemic, I started considering working abroad in a beautiful, safe city with a good quality of life. I just graduated as a software engineer and so far, I have been independant in my career. I got my two internships by myself, after some interviews and the same thing goes for my first and current job. The fact that I did not need any help and that my skills got me those opportunities makes me feel proud and believe that I can get a job abroad. But the thing is, I already have a brother, older than me by 7 years who is working in Tokyo, which is the number one city in my dream list. And the company in which he is working is my uncle's company. I had plans to join him there when I started going to college, but it changed when he started encountering problems due to his bad attitude in work. I actually don't get along with my brother at all, because he is short-tempered and egocentric and his personnality caused him lots of problems in the company. Well, that happens in any kind of work but things got ugly so quickly and my brother broke the record. He had an argument with almost everyone in his team, his manager and even my uncle, the CEO of the company. My father who is in very good terms with my uncle, always keeps giving my brother advices on how to behave but it lasted for 3 years while I am still studying and my parents became so stressed out because each time something happens, he calls them and starts whining about how they were the ones who made him join the company, when in reality it was his decision because, just like me, he wanted to work in Tokyo. Later, my brother told my parents that he will resign, which made my dad furious because he feared that his relationship with my uncle will never be the same because of his foolish son. In the end, my brother did not resign and I think that was because he knows that he will never find a better job. Still, he never took responsability of his actions and believes that his actions were always right and everything that is happening is because of his coworkers. My father on the other hand, started cherishing his relationship with my uncle more than necessary. When my uncle comes back for vaccations, my father goes and spends almost all of the day with him and forgets about my mother. He always messes around with my cousin, jokes playfully with him, which he never does with me or my brother. He takes out his stress and rage on my mom, but keeps the smiles and the great attitude to my uncle's family. I still remember the day in summer when my uncle and his wife celebrated their marrige birthday with my father, and right after he returned from the party, he had a fight with my mother for no reason. It was disgusting to watch my old man behaving so cheefully with a different family and not ours, even though we haven't done anything wrong. It became so toxic in no time, and I was observing all of this and after I had seen enough, I decided that I am never going to work in my uncle's company, because that will make things worse for all of us. My father might take the ass-kissing to a higher degree, my mother will suffer from her husband behaviour and all of my future career decisions will have to go through my uncle and my father first. My father always brings up the subject on working in Tokyo with my uncle, and I told him so many times straight away that I want to get my jobs by myself and not because I am the son of the CEO's favorite brother. What's making me feel mad is that I get the impression that his goal is not to guarantee a good career for me but to make my uncle feel that we need him so he can feel good and proud. Unfortunately I confirmed it myself when I had a talk with my father and told him that my dream is to work in Tokyo, and Imagine what he told me ? " Well, you know, it's hard out there in Tokyo for you. Also imagine what would your uncle think if you worked there in a different company .." You see ? He always gives a damn to my uncle's slightest thoughts before giving a damn to his own family, the family that he created. It's not like I will do my uncle any harm by going there and working in a different company, the city has over a 14 millions population to begin with. It's really a shame that things were not different. Otherwise I would be there right now, in Tokyo and end of story. But my father and my brother are the main reasons why I am not joining that company anytime soon. I want to walk my own path, with my own skills. What do you guys think ? Am I doing the right thing ? Has any of you been in a similar situation ? Thank you so much for reading this topic

I just started a new job in a different city after graduating. The city is 60 Km from my parents home so it's possible to come and go to work from there, but tiring. I tried it for one month and then I decided to move out to the city where I work. I thought about renting an apartment with some friends, but I kept being stood up. So finally I found a small room with a good price, with people I don't know, in a nice place and I was happy because I found a solution to my problem. I was excited to start this new life, new step, new phase of life ... But all of these feelings were converted to anxiety, fear and doubt once I found myself inside the apartment ... I started having second thoughts because I was going to be away from my parents, my family, with strangers and not even friends. The worst part is that I thought I got used to this, because as a student in the university, I moved out too and lived with friends and these feelings came accross me but I got used to it. But this time, it's different. The place is different, good but not as great as the other one where I used to live. I'm also alone, living with strangers and not friends. I hate it when I second guess myself, espacially after making life changing decisions. I thought I was prepared, but now here I am. Due to the Coronavirus, I got to work and study remotely from home for two years. I felt fortunate for getting this oppurtunity but with time, it became stressful and I started hating the 100% remote work and looked for other opportunities. If this is how I feel about a 60km distant city, than what about my dream of working abroad ? How will I feel when I go to a different country, with a different culture, and different language ? Damn it ...

I just started a new job in a different city after graduating. The city is 60 Km from my parents home so it's possible to come and go to work from there, but tiring. I tried it for one month and then I decided to move out to the city where I work. I thought about renting an apartment with some friends, but I kept being stood up. So finally I found a small room with a good price, with people I don't know, in a nice place and I was happy because I found a solution to my problem. I was excited to start this new life, new step, new phase of life ... But all of these feelings were converted to anxiety, fear and doubt once I found myself inside the apartment ... I started having second thoughts because I was going to be away from my parents, my family, with strangers and not even friends. The worst part is that I thought I got used to this, because as a student in the university, I moved out too and lived with friends and these feelings came accross me but I got used to it. But this time, it's different. The place is different, good but not as great as the other one where I used to live. I'm also alone, living with strangers and not friends. I hate it when I second guess myself, espacially after making life changing decisions. I thought I was prepared, but now here I am. Due to the Coronavirus, I got to work and study remotely from home for two years. I felt fortunate for getting this oppurtunity but with time, it became stressful and I started hating the 100% remote work and looked for other opportunities. If this is how I feel about a 60km distant city, than what about my dream of working abroad ? How will I feel when I go to a different country, with a different culture, and different language ? Damn it ...