I understand how deeply you are hurting. I went through the same
thing. It is now 3 years since the divorce. I did not want it but my ex
was stringing me along for to long while living with the other woman.
I have stopped blaming myself. I did not choose to put another person
ahead of the children, I did not choose to break the marriage vows, he
did. He became disconnected because of his job. Always worked, left me
home with the children 24/7, then 3,7 and 9 which I would do all over
again to have these great children.
You need to understand the children are the most innocent victims here,
your love needs to be strong for them. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, then
you can give the children what they need.
My children hurt so much from the divorce. Everything you read about
the children being resilliant istrue but do they need to suffer because of
their parents selfishness! Mychildren cry when they have to go with their
Dad. He hardly calls, doesn't live up to his agreement in the divorce
settlement. Our oldest daughter told me she feels like she is with an uncle
not her father, she is very disconnected, she also said she feels that a
part of her heart is missing. Infidelity is fun for those in the middle of it
but for those of us caught in the ripples painful is not even close.
All of you feelings for your wife are normal, she lost her feelings for you
a long time ago, then opportunity came knocking and she opened the
selfishness door. You on the other hand still choose to love her, you have
to process everything, look at the whole picture, as if you are not
involved but someone observing from the very beginning. What was the
relationship like in the beginning. Was she still married? Why did her first
marriage end? Is it a pattern of infidelity? Does she always want things
her way? Did you just take her for granted?
The early times of discovery suck, you have so many questions and no
answers.
I do recommend you go to counceling, she also has to agree that she
needs help and will get it. Then go for couples counceling.
Love is a choice, you either make it work or walk away, it takes 2. I hope
things work out for you, you children and that your wife makes the right
choice.
