scott4321

Hello again. I just reread the thread, and realized except for btbt's question at the end, I didn't answer the one everybody else asked earlier about her going out dressed "trashy" more than sexy. All I can do is pretty much agree. Her attitude never is, though, which makes a difference. She's mostly just awkward and excited, so projects none of that casual, sneering sort of vibe I've always associated with a girl who actually is trashy. Yesterday was very hot here (hello July!) so we went to a local waterpark, which was definitely another chapter in the "coming out of Sara" story. Because she suggested it, and until then had never wanted to go anywhere like that before. Another "confront your fears" type of exercise for her, apparently. She wore the same tiny bikini as she had to my sister's house. Definitely not waterpark-worthy, but she assured me on the way (and I believed her---she's not physically daring) that she didn't intend to go on any of the slides. In fact, between that and how worried she was about sunburn, we did little but walk around staying in the shady spots. Several times she wanted me to sit on a bench while she went to a concession stand or the bathroom, and I immediately understood that was why she had really come. To feel herself "solo" in a crowd. Then, after doing that several times, she wanted me to stay put while she just stood under a tree accross a the courtyard, like she was waiting for someone, and was stared at. On the drive home, to describe her as "eager" is badly understating it. Why people looked at her is not important, apparently, only that they did. (And, of course, they very much did. Her extreme paleness caught everyone's eye initially, and her navel kept them looking.) I jokingly congratulated her for keeping the suit on, and she just laughed. Then she got semi-serious and asked a very loaded and delicate question... "Did I make you want me?" Then without waiting for an answer, added, "A hundred guys got to see what only you get to have..." Then after a long pause, and in an even lower, more confidential whisper directly into my ear, "I wish I could have showed them everything!" Needless to say, the remainder of the afternoon was, um, spent doing laundry and vacuuming. Not. 8) So. She's off shopping at the moment, and that's pretty much the update. I intended to address (obliquely and delicately) the trashy appearance vs. classy thing after reading everyone's advice here, but was caught again with no way to do it without upsetting the VERY delicate balance I can sense exists. She somehow found the courage to live her fantasies, and the cornerstone of that courage--again I can just "tell"--comes from trusting me implicitly. What I've told her since the first time she confided her exhibitionistic fantasies to me, I now realize, is the emotional equivalent of a parent telling a child, "Go ahead and jump... I'll catch you!" It's just that I never imagined she actually would. Man, this is TOUGH. I'll keep you updated. Thanks again for listening, and the advice. I read every word of every response, and try to process everything. Scott

Thanks for the help and suggestions. MUCH appreciated. Most of you---rightly---zeroed in on the swimming pool episode as crossing the line. I agree now, and thought so then. What I didn't say in the original post (by then it was already getting very long), was that although it was a deliberate act, the boy seeing her saw her was very probably an accident. She thought he'd run out of sight, and didn't notice him return. And we did have a discussion about it afterward. As in, I talked, and she listened. Turn-ons are one thing, messing with styff that can get you arrested are quite another... that sort of tone. She was appropriately embarrassed and contrite to the point that I dismissed it as overenthusiasm... (It is hard to describe how excited all this finally-living-her-fantasies makes her.) So unless something like that happens again, it's in the past. btbt: Good question. Almost by definition it is impossible to know when you are repressing something, isn't it? Being with Sara in public when she's doing her show-off schtick causes all manner of conflicted feelings. First and foremost, I'm delighted by her delight. Next in line would be sexual excitement because of the obvious... Third would be irritation at people in general for being so petulantly determined to see anything different as ugly. Fourth is anger at those who are deliberately nasty to her. (Many of whom are women, BTW) Which doesn't quite answer your question, does it? I guess the only way to test such a thing would be if I would push a button that would instantly transform her body into centerfold/model perfection. Hmmm... Here's the honest answer: If I had such a button, I'd be tempted to, because of what a smoother road she'd have with all this. Guys would drool, and women would hate her in the most complimentary way... And even my life would be easier, because any abuse directed at her affects me, too. But in the end, I would not push it, and here's why: Because she wouldn't be Sara any more, and Sara is the woman I love. Final answer.

Hello. First post. I've run into a problem with my wife that I can't think my way out of, so figured that's what places like this are for. The essentials: I'm 30 and my wife of two years is 24. I love her VERY much, and hurting her in any way is unthinkable. We both have office-type jobs and spend a lot of time together. Everything about our shared life is spectacularly good (fingers crossed), and we've had no significant problems since our first meeting, never mind married. So. Landmines lurk, however, I'm discovering. Here's the deal: Since shortly after we first started having sex (which is both frequent and extremely good), Sara has confided in me about her exhibitionistic fantasies. She was raised in a Catholic family with an overbearing father, and was always a "good girl," which I imagine is how much of the urge came about. The other component is how she looks physically, and its effect on her self-esteem, which I'll get to in a minute. By confided her fantasies, I mean exactly that. Before and during sex, she'd describe them to me in great detail. Imaginings like being a stripper, or dancing at a pool party naked, or wearing outrageously revealing clothes to a restaurant. And always woven into these vivid stories and descriptions were periodic, affirming questions about whether I thought she was "pretty enough" to do that sort of thing. And I, since it was only fantasy sex talk---intimate secrets she was sharing---assured her that not only she was pretty enough, but absolutely the most beautiful and desirable woman in the history of the world. Then about four months ago, Sara decided to take action to overcome her natural shyness (about everything), and started to read a lot of self-help books and online material. She talked to a company-paid counselor for a while, bought some DVD's, and the like. "Assertiveness therapy" would describe the process pretty well. Now, it wasn't sex-related stuff she had had a lifelong struggle with, it was being afraid to do things she wanted to do, instead of what society (and the Church) had always told her to. And I encouraged her all I could. I loved her. I DO love her. Then about two months ago came the unexpected right-angle turn. We were both getting dressed to go out, and she insisted on waiting until I was finished so she could surprise me. And ten minutes later, she walked into the living room wearing practically nothing. A scissored-short, see-through sleeveless T-shirt; a pair of ultra low cut hip-hugger shorts, and spaghetti strap sandals. She was beaming. All she said was, "I'm not afraid any more, and I'm finally doing it! What do you think?" and did a slow turn like a model. I was stunned, but kept smiling, and tried to think fast. It was no use. It was her (justified) attitude of assumption that trumped every reply I could come up with. We'd talked about this sort of thing during sex many times, virtually every time, in fact, and I'd not only endlessly reassured her how beautiful and sexy she was, but told her in so many words that she owed it to the world's men to turn them on. She always giggled and retreated into her head with the imagining of it, and the climaxes always followed. It was simply her---our---thing. And now the problem part: Virtually none of what I told her was true (by popular measures, anyway). The reason Sara is absolutely stunningly beautiful to me is because I know what's in her head and heart, and love her body because it is HER body. Does that make sense? But those who don't know her only see the outside, and by centerfold standards, she doesn't have a sexy body at all. She has a truly beautiful face, with lovely eyes, perfect teeth, and a room-brightening smile; and long, surprisingly muscular legs ending in cute little feet, but that where it ends. Not true: she's a natural redhead with skin as white and perfect as porcelain, which while many people find beautiful in a classical sense, looks almost bizarre in a bikini. But as for the rest, she has no curves. At all. She's 5'7" and weighs only 110 pounds, and is as straight-bodied as a snake. Nice shoulders and posture, but nothing more than a 10 year old's butt. And her breasts are extremely small. Though "flat" doesn't describe them. They are set so far apart they point almost sideways, and are extremely narrow and upturned. Literally as narrow as bananas. And the colored part around her nipples isn't flat like most women, but sticks way out separately, like shot glasses or bullets. They look VERY odd. Finally, she was born with an absolutely enormous "outie" navel. It isn't a hernia that can be repaired, either, but a rubbery-firm knob of scar tissue the size of a golf ball that is turned completely inside-out. Too keep it from showing through tight fitting clothes (which it does very noticably), she learned as a teenager how to use a strip of wide adhesive tape, and make it stay stuck all day using a spray-on tape base. But now, standing in front of me saying she's ready to go in her tiny undershirt and shorts, there was no tape (of course). And her bellybutton, string-straight body, and antenna-like boobs weren't just clearly visible, but proudly on display. Which brings me back to the problem. Because we actually did go out that night (I said I would never hurt her, remember?), and the next, and the next, and the next... First in that outfit, then in others like it. And in every case, the result was exactly what you'd expect. Rude snickering, audible "whispers" and pointing as she'd walk past people, the occasional smart guy (probably drunk) shouting something insulting, and so on. It was like a background sound track. But she doesn't care. She just ignored it. The "face your fears and you will be free" assertiveness thing became so strong with her that within weeks it was like a religion, and continued to grow until I finally decided it had become only an excuse of convinience. And I was right, because now all she talks about before and during sex is showing guys what she looks like between her legs, and entering totally naked dance contests, and so forth. In short, that she enjoys being naked in front of people as much in reality as fantasy, is a fact. So, if I am willing to deal with this because I love her, and she just tunes out the embarrassment and insults, what's the problem? It's twofold: First, I'm afraid she'll one day "wake up" from what she's doing and regret it, and there's no way to undo it; and second, our friends and family have started to stay away. She managed to "accidently" lose her entire bikini at my sister's house (who has a pool), and then paraded in front of Karen's neighbors, her husband, and their ten-year-old son stark naked. That sort of stuff has caused a "blacklist" effect. In short, the combination of her behavior and how she looks (pure honesty, here---we all know if she looked like a centerfold, people would react differently) means NOBODY enjoys either the way she dresses or her increasingly daring "accidents"... but every night, it becomes the fuel of her passion. Plus, I have assured and reassured her so many times how gorgeous she is, that to change my story now could seriously damage her trust. Am I in a jam, or what? Any and all help is welcome. Thanks very much.