OGRobzGr8

Dating co-workers is a strict no-no. Unless you hate your job and plan on leaving eventually, dating a co-worker is the last thing you want to do. Sure, it's all fun and romance for now, but what about when you break up and still have to work together? You say you both go out of your way to see each other during work and that's all fun, but what about when you're going out of your way to avoid each other? Can you both be mature enough to deal with that? What about your company's inter-office dating policy? Most places frown on co-workers dating and although they cannot specifically fire you for it, if your behavior and performance are effected by this relationship, they can fire you for a myriad of other reasons. What if you two spend all day talking and not working? Your boss isn't going to see this as a budding new love story...he's going to see it as a waste of two employee's salaries who aren't performing to the expectations of their positions. I have dated co-workers and lost a few good jobs because of it. I've also dated co-workers and suffered no ill effects. But are you willing to risk it all on a roll of the dice? Ask yourself if you are ready to quit that job before you try dating this guy. If the answer is, "Yeah...I can get a new job anywhere I want" then I say go for it. You only live once, right? But if you're NOT willing to risk your livelyhood for this summer romance, then stay friends and keep it professional. And to agree with in_the_mirror...most older guys date younger girls because the girls his own age have already seen through his BS and are done with him. It's a lot easier to prey on younger more inexperienced and naive girls than it is to convince one your own age that you are not a loser. Keep that thought in mind as well. Good luck!

From a guy's point of view, if I'm not really interested in that person, and get can't away from them (I work with them, they know mutual friends...are stalking me...) and I don't want to completely destroy their sense of self worth, then I'll politely lead them on until they either figure it out on their own, or lose interest and move on. Is this mean or cold hearted? No. Am I being a "player?" No. Let's face it...you always want what you can't have. The more I tell you no, the more you're gonna keep after me. Some people just naturally set themselves up for this type of treatment by being too aggressive and making themselves look desperate. Trust me...desperation is the stink of death. I don't want to be the only thing you have going for you. And if I can tell right off the bat that you are a drama queen or a psycho, I'm not going to give you a chance. It's just not worth my time or effort. Some people simply won't take "No" for an answer. They think that if they keep trying that they'll win their true love over like in the movies. And that's just annoying. Girls don't like it when guys do it and guys don't like it when girls do it. To a perfect stranger in a bar, you can be blunt and say, "Sorry...I'm just not interested" and they'll go away. But when it's closer to home, like a co-worker, friend of a friend, whatever, you just can't be that blunt. Those are what we call delicate situations. If you're mean to her/him but yet you still have to see them everyday for what ever reason, it's going to make your life a living nightmare. How would you like to blow some guy off at a bar, then go to work the next day and see that he got hired the week before and is now on your team? That would be awkward. So "leading them on" is actually a polite way of "blowing them off." It's a necessary evil too I'm afraid. People just get their feelings hurt way too easily to be straight with them. But you can tell when you're being blown off. Let's say you blow up his phone six hundred times a day and he never picks up. And then on the one occasion you call from a blocked number and he's not thinking clearly and actually picks it up but upon hearing that it's you suddenly has to go real quick or is doing something and will call you back...you've been blown off. But if he's nice enough to talk to you but won't committ to going out, has an excuse for not getting together or constantly steers the conversation away from you and him...you're being blown off. Please don't take this as playing hard to get like girls do. He's not interested and just can't risk hurting you like that because he's still going to have to maintain contact with you for various reasons outside of his control. This is when you have to be mature and practical and just realize that you're better off friends and to leave it at that.

It sounds to me like there are a couple of issues going on here. First off, it's sounds like you're bored in your current relationship and you are "confused" because you miss that fun spontaneous feeling you had with the other guy, but at the same time you feel guilty for having those feelings because you are with a guy who's essentially done nothing wrong. What a lot of people don't realize is that those spontaneous feelings and instant attraction rarely last. And, you cannot build a solid relationship off of those feelings. What usually happens is that when those feelings fade, you find yourself longing for them to return, and you find yourself feeling like you should "love" the person you're with even MORE after all the time you've been together. As I've said, these lusty, fun, and dangerous feelings rarely last and are almost always replaced by a deeper feeling of true love once you've found the right person. If your feelings have diminished for your current boyfriend, then it's time to move on. You obviously don't feel that deeper attraction that is needed to sustain a long HEALTHY relationship with him. Staying with him out of quilt or obligation in your own mind will only lead to your futher unhappiness with him. Some people just don't fit. You don't have to be in BAD relationship to realize you're with the wrong person. But is Mr. Dangerous any good for you either? Probably not. The reason for this brings me to my second thought. From reading your post, it sounds to me like you tend to jump from one relationship to another with no break in between. (this is just what I get from your post...) Let me explain...first you get with this guy while you're still with your boyfriend, then you move in with him, then you break up with him, then you move back in with your current boyfriend, buy a house, and now you're having feelings of getting back together with Mr. Dangerous. Relationship jumping is a bad thing. I don't know how old you are, or where you are in life, so let me use myself as an example. I used to go from one girl to another...always making sure my hand was securely wrapped around one vine before letting go of the other (just in case it didn't work out with the new vine...I could keep swinging from the first one). I would go from "serious" relationship to serious relationship, never finding what I want...always comparing the new vine to the old one. And I would swing from one vine to the next as soon as that hot lusty fun feeling would ebb. "Ah...SHE'S not the one either! Why can't I find the ONE?" Then one day, after letting go of the old vine and missing the new vine, a friend of mine told me something that I discovered to be quite true. "If you cannot be secure and happy by yourself, you will never be satisfied with anyone you are with." You seem to have the same problem I did. You don't know WHAT you're looking for...but you're searching. But before you can seek Mr. Right, you have to define what Mr. Right should be. How can find what you don't know you're looking for? The best way is to do this... Take some time off. Break it off with BOTH. Don't let old feelings get in the way of new adventures. Then, step back and find YOURSELF. Find out what YOU want and how you want to get it. Then define the man that best FITS into your life's plan without you having to alter either your plans or the guy. Then go find the man who fits that criteria. Then, armed with this new insight and a clear direction, go out and date as many guys as you can....don't move in with them...don't get serious... Only by sifting through the straw will you find your needle. I hope this makes sense...my needle is telling me I have to hurry up so we can leave!!! I had to cut this a bit short!