HOOLIGAN

I think most people in there 30's can agree with this....when I was 18...I probably felt the same way about a girl....at some point everyone goes through that from teens on through mid 20's. I think it's a big mistake to make that big of a committment to someone at that unless you REALLY want to be married and want to start a family with that person. SO MANY THINGS WILL change in your life between 18 and 23,24,25. You will met so may people. You will change yourself. It would be a mistake to marry or seriously commit to someone who may change in a matter of a few years .....stay young and keep growing emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. I had know idea who I was and what I was about until my late 20's. It was then that I begin to meet people that are right for me and what I want/need in a relationship. Good Luck!

I'm very sorry for your loss. He sounds like a decent man. I'm a guy who's struggled with this but I can see both sides of the issue. First of all...I think he should have discussed this with you in the beginning of your relationship. It would have given you a chance to decide if it was something that you can accept about him or not. I personally don't think that looking at that stuff every once in awhile is so bad but it can get out of control and i've been there. However in my case i've always made it a point to discuss it with anyone that I've decided to date seriously....BEFORE we got serious. In the beginning of my current relationship my g/f said that she accepted it but as our love for each other grew her feelings changed...we talked about it on and off for a few months and came to an understanding with each other....I pretty much quit...but I did it because I wanted to. It became habit forming and it wasn't something I wanted. Besides I had her in my life. Once in awhile (I mean in a blue moon) I may look at something here and there and she's been able to handle that. I'm honest and open about it and so is she. So far it's worked out fine. The key is that she was given a choice about the issue and was willing to work things out realistically. I don't feel like you were given a choice. Secondly....you really need to weigh the pros and cons of simply accepting his behavior. If everthing else is fine and he's not bringing it into the house....if he's loving and attentive then maybe giving him a little space is not such a bad thing. But all of this is pointless if you REALLY take issue with it...in that case then it is best for both of you to go your separate ways. It sounds like based on your description that he has been trying to quit based on what YOU want and not necessarily what he wants. There is the big difference. As long as he's simply trying to please you but really doesn't truly feel anything is wrong with it.....you'll spend your whole relationship battling over this one issue. Thirdly....no matter what anyone's opinion is about looking at that stuff it's beside the point. He left you and your son like a coward. Loving someone means caring and respecting them. If it had to end then he should have handled it better than that. Going out for a 'bandage' and never returning? I really think you are better off without him You sound like a nice caring woman. In the future....i would recommend that you decide on whether the porn issue is a deal breaker in a relationship with a man before hand. If it is then discuss it in the beginning of a relationship with potential partners and break things off quickly if you discover it's a part of his life....before you and your son are too attached. I wish you and your son the best of luck.