Rose Mosse

It’s cuddle weather ❤️

9 hours ago, basketofdreams said:

He's more of a brother to me and the one person that actually cared when I was going through some things years ago, maybe that is why I've wanted to reach out. My nieces are important to me. I'll just stick to keeping in touch with them. They are great kids.

Yes, care enough to let him be and don’t meddle. He has a new life so be happy for him. Relationships often change and evolve in families. This isn’t set in stone, children grow and return to the family and ties are repaired too later down the line. He knows you’re all there and still family but stay out of his personal life and new life with his wife. Think well of him if he was good to you or kind but focus on your own family and life.

12 hours ago, smo2627 said:

Here’s the whole story via text after I left for work this morning after getting the call at 12:30AM:

Me: I'm sorry you're upset but you were there for me when BOTH MY parents n brother died in the span of 2 yrs and regardless of my relationship with them at the time which you were so poinent at pointing out to what? hurt my feelings this is not YOUR immediate family That relationship is no more or less important than my EX inlaws It makes no sense that I Get called a heartless c*** and everything else after the last few days of being cussed at threatened to be put in the hospital and have teeth knocked out after you bust my fan into pieces that I HAVE to sleep with and you cry cold because you refuse to sleep under a blanket and then accuse me of stealing OUR nest egg from OUR household and you expect me to be empathetic about your ex’s father passing?! I’m going to post an anonymous forum to find out if this is just me or if this is REALLY f***ed up!! my condolences but he has NOTHING to do with OUR immediate family its not YOUR father then i would be empathetic regardless of our recent issues like our daughter said "people die what does he have to do with our family" I'm curious to see how you're going to pull off a cross country plane ticket with rent being due next week and why it would even be a consideration that you need to rush back East for your EX in laws funeral?? you're not even contributing money that OUR household needs right now! it's f***ing ridiculous But I'M a heartless c*** because your EX father-in-law passed what does that have to do with our f***ing family and why am I supposed to be so sympathetic and empathetic and Like it was YOUR f***ing parents or something?! Unreal

Him: Wow! Gary was like a father to me!

& like a 2nd father to T. Have you EVER heard me loose it like that B4 NEVER!

Stop saying Melissa this n that BS. This is about T n Me and our relationship

with one of the best men I have ever known. You have no clue about any of that because of your jealousy issues. I loved that man and he has been there for T his whole life whatever he needed tangible or emotional. If T wasn't even going I would still try n figure it out. But he is f***ing devastated! My Son needs me bad Gary built a real family and b4 that Id never had one he welcomed me in and it was the only time I ever had that. He was the person I called when I needed advice. He was the one that took us on at least 9 week long vacations. Linda n him would comee down to stay for weeks sometimes months. Lisa- Steven my neices Kara n Holly. My "brother" Tod and Niece Hannah. We all did everything together. We'd drive up their on every Xmas Thanksgiving birthdays christening's ect. ect. ect

I am very hurt over his loss..

Very hurt by you last nite and today how can you be so cold when I was obviously shattered last nite.

Throwing up all nite. NOT 1 KIND WORD FROM YOU1 NOT EVEN A SQUEEZE OF A SHOULDER.

My neices still call me Uncle Dar. He really was a GREAT MAN!

Stop making your daughter out to be as cold-hearted as you shame on you for continously doing that! You are damaging her over and over again with that s***.

Me: Who are these neices and “brother’s” etc that I’ve never even heard of the whole 12 yrs we’ve been together?? And The way you've treated me this week?! Its a shame you didn't learn a thing or 2 from him and my daughter has her own mind and that was HER individual response im not hiding how you treat me and how you're making OUR family suffer from her anymore she has her own mind and opinion and my jealousy issues?! Please... I'm sad for T but he’s 25 yrs old and has plenty support where WE DO NOT... and she's beginning to realize that now too

I'm disgusted by how a family from 15+ yrs ago mean more and are more important than the family you have now but I'm not surprised does T understand that you're not even making sure we have what we need to pay our bills and keep lights and a roof?! I'm sure if he did he would understand if you couldn't come out there if it was YOUR father this would be completely different you can be there for him the same way I was there for Noah after him losing SIX immediate family members within TWO YEARS!

Him: please do not reply you've done enough damage already. Post that text I just sent you ,on your lil forum and see what happens! But you will never be honest with people you see things in only your perspective. Wich is so twisted up! You've never tried on another person shoes but your n julz. N people talk s*** all the time when their arguing I never said I was going to put you in a hospital. I've never laid a pinky on you n you know it. I told T I probably couldnt come because of the money issues you know what he said "Daddy I need you" Dont worry about it ill take care of it. He's got over 20 grand saved up from working since he was 15.

don't text me back.

Me: Oh yea I'll make sure I post that too! I don't ever not tell the whole story and you most CERTAINLY said "I'll put you in the f***ing hospital and knock those fake ass teeth out your face" and MY son needed me too and I should’ve gone back east for him but with what money but that wasn't important to YOU and you didn't comfort ME when I lost all my EX people oh thats right cuz I didn't lose my s*** cuz they're EX people from another time in my life but it hurt my son just the same but I have a family HERE that I have to take care of so give me a f***ing break! Good to know you're gonna take care of it instead of making sure WE'RE taken care of and have lights and a roof but it wouldn't be the 1st time you left us with nothing f***ed up… again... not surprised!! Like you said tho since YOU said so now, we're done so you might as well stay out there i can ship your s*** to you

Reading the title and issues, you feel however you need to feel, OP. There’s a lot of distrust so something tells me this man lost your trust and respect a long time ago. He may be incompatible with you because he doesn’t draw hard lines when it comes to ex in laws. As you feel anger, he feels grief. It seems his ex FIL played a big role in his life and was like a father figure to him. 

And is he going or is he not? His son T is paying for his flight because he can’t afford it? There was talk of money issues and providing. Go back and review how both of you spend your money. Some changes need to be made but they won’t solve themselves with these texts. See what you can do for yourself and start being very conservative with your cash and look to the future. 

On 9/22/2022 at 10:47 PM, HLDrago said:

It sucks because I really liked him but in the end I can’t give him what he wants and he can’t give me what I want either. I am clearly not ready for any of that at this point and I could tell this wasn’t the first time and I wasn’t the first one ….it actually made it easier to walk away 

I think you made the right choice especially if you’re getting the sense he’s a serial cheater. The guy is bad news. It won’t hit you how bad until a little later because those love goggles are still on. Be with your close friends and family. Get back into the rhythm of things without any of this in the background.

Your feelings of relief from closure, your instincts are all sound. You wouldn’t be here if you truly were blind to all this. You’re questioning it and that’s a stage many don’t even get to. Let the pain or missing him fade and allow yourself to move forwards. Learn from this and don’t make the same mistakes twice. 

I agree with the others. I’m sorry you’re feeling down. Start making some changes.

I might have missed it if it was mentioned in previous pages. Do you have any support? 

Focusing on your career, ending it permanently for good and gaining more support like a doctor or therapy all help. I didn’t realize this person is still contacting you. I thought you finished with him and he’s gone, nada, hero to zero in outer space. Let go. Stay with your support and move on. Focus on yourself and moving forwards with your career.

18 hours ago, mdetlef568 said:

We met on facebook, Ive typed to her. We were chatting for three months, then I decided to come to her to kenya for several weeks. (Im white btw) We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.

You have already broken up with her. What you’re coming across is extremely insecure unfortunately. She may be in shock but also realize she is better off not having you around to criticize her or the way she converses with others.

If you do feel she disrespects you date someone else and let this go. She’s no longer in your life and do not drag someone along if you’re not compatible. It’s only 3 months and you’re both arguing about how to conduct yourselves on a train. Do you see what a waste of life it is continuing on believing that either one of you are right or wrong? 

4 hours ago, whatwillbe said:

Hi, so 10 months ago the mother of my kids seperated with me one evening after I had confronted her about her strange behaviour. She had been cold, distant and had been going away to the coast with friends every other weekend.

She stated she'd not been happy for a while and that I'd not been making her feel like I wanted her anymore, that she had been telling me for so long that she wanted to do stuff together like we used to but I would just dismiss her and she has given up.

I must admit I wasn't the best, I had been through a bit of a metal health issue and let it get to me and was using my hobbies as a way of getting over it so wasn't giving her and the kids time like I used to. My world fell apart, as the man I was now looking at a life as a part time dad, alone and with little money to find somewhere else to live added to the fact I'd lost the love of my life. She agreed that we could stay living together as long as needed and we continued as a family just eventually we stayed in seperate rooms.

She told me she still loved me and for the first month I begged and pleaded with her to reconsider and I just pushed her further away it seemed, she continued to go to the coast with friends and seemed to have a new lease of life as I spiralled into a quite severe depression, but kept hope that she would come back to me. 2 months after our split she went away and I was looking for somthing in the bedroom and found that some peticular items of clothing i had bought her had gone missing, my heart sank but I convinced myself that maybe she had thrown them away, but when she returned I took another look and they were back, I couldn't control myself, I didn't say anything but she soon noticed my behaviour and I eventually told her what I had noticed. She initially made up some bull*** about how she did it on purpose and in the she caved and told me she had planned on wearing for a guy who lived where she had been visiting. 

I was heartbroken all over again, but this time I felt a little more like I didn't want her back anymore and think that was the beginning of acceptance where she was concerned.

As the weeks went by i saw her relationship with this guy continued to develop, she would sit on the phone to him for hours and go to see him every weekend. it killed me to hear her on the phone to him. She would ask me to close my door, obviously so I couldn't listen to her conversation but she maintained they were only friends, I had stopped hoping we would get back together at this point and started to focus on my kids, work myself and my work. my self esteem was through the floor, I was depressed and anxious at the thought of what my life was to become as a seperated dad, and I feared she would fall for this guy and move to be with him taking my kids with her, I was all messed up, every time she went away I would enjoy relaxed time with my kids and  I feared it would be the last and that she would come home and ask me to leave.

Things got strange when after about 5 months I started to feel better about the situation, my depression had lifted and I was starting to feel good about myself again, I had worked on all the things that I felt caused my relationship to fail and was spending lots of time with my kids, I noticed that she seemed to be getting more and more depressed and I asked if she wanted to talk, bit she was emotionally unavailable and heavily walled off, she became very upset and angry and slipped that I had become all she ever wanted and why I couldn't have done it for her while we were together.

I had started to notice that her phone conversations with him had become less than positive, I could hear they were were heated and she would appear very upset and distressed afterwards, but I had learned not to ask anymore and just continued on my path to recovery. One weekend she had and intense argument with him over the phone and I decided to see if if she was OK, I didn't ask anything I just went in and gave her a hug, she came with the kids and I out to an event and we had a really good day, like old times. That evening she told me she was going out to see friends and would be staying there, after she had gone she began to message me telling how nice the day was and the conversation moved to talk of sorting things out, I said that it'd be best if we discussed it face to face and told her I lived her and she said the same, but by tue end of the weekend she seemed cold again and told me she didn't want to talk about what we'd discussed right now, I told myself not to hold my breath and carried on.

I had become indifferent and distant from her, I had lost around 50 lbs, tidied up my image and had a wardrobe change, and began going out myself and meeting up with old friends, this lead to me meeting someone new, and we began talking regularly and meeting up every now and again at her place, my ex began to question me about what I was doing but i didn't tell her, as I didn't feel i had to. My ex came to my work place one day to drop my youngest child to me as I was finishing the day, as she was going away. When she arrived I was talking tona woman and we were laughing and joking, I said bye to her and walked over to my ex and I could see immense anger in her face, even her teeth were clenched. I asked what was wrong and she just said "you know what's wrong" and she seemed incredibly jealous and it baffled me, she'd made me feel unwelcome in my own home at times and here she was, showing more jealousy than I ever did to her over just seeing me chat with a woman.

She continued to probe me about if I was talking to or seeing someone, I just kept denying it and leaving it there, then one evening when I was in bed she came into my room and seemed upset which wasn't uncommen at that time as she was obviously depressed, she asked if she could have a cuddle before she went to bed and I agreed. It felt nice to cuddle her again, we spooned and both fell asleep together. She woke and got up and left giving me a kiss on the cheek and left, but returned moments later and got back in bed and cuddled again, I could feel us drawing and shifting closer and eventually we just engaged in a very passionate kiss that went on for a few minutes until she withdrew and became upset, I asked what was wrong and she said she felt terrible and that she isn't like that (I assume because she was with another guy now) she left again and I followed and said that there was a reason it happened, because we still love eachother.

The next day was awkward and she withdrew again, I kept my cool and went back to focusing on myself.

I sensed things were getting worse between her and this other guy, and any time we were together things were light hearted and fun, we began watching TV, eating dinner and even chatting about random things together again in a relaxed way which hadn't happend for a long time. One evening I was in bed and she returned from an event she'd attended with friends, I was woken by her climbing into the bed with me and she gave me a cuddle, this lead from one thing to another and we went at it for hours, afterwards she questioned me again about if I was seeing anyone and I finally admitted it. She flew into a jealous rage which lead to me getting lots of stuff off of my own chest to her and it concluded in the small hours with her telling me to leave. I broken heartedly left, I had got to a point where I knew I just had to take the leap and see where I landed, not long after I had left she was calling me and I eventually answered, she ended up asking me to come back to talk, I went back and she said she had told her rebound everything and he had forgiven her and that she loves me and wants me but isn't ready yet, asked me to stay living there and that she just needs time, but she didnt feel good about me talking to other women, I told her that I was single and what I do is my business and I have no reason to stop (kind of trying to get her to be that reason) she explained that she never lied to me about her situation and that I did lie to her, that's why she was asking me not to, or at least not lie about it to her anymore.

Since then she has continued her relationship with him and its still not great from what I over hear, and we seem to have a nice time together, apart from her finding out I was chatting to a girl again and she asked me to leave once again, I agreed and packed a bag but she wouldn't let me leave and fell into my arms apologising for how she'd been to me over this time and we laid together and fell asleep.

I'm not sure what to do tbh, i feel hopeful one minute and then like I'm being used and played the next, I want to stay forever and leave and not look back. Has anyone else been through this, what happened what did you do and how did it work out, I'm so confused, pleas help me!!!

 

TIA

Speak to a lawyer about property, moving and custody. You had money to change your looks and update your wardrobe so you’re not doing so badly that you can’t afford a lawyer. Don’t play any more games with one another.

She lost respect for you and you’re resentful. It seems you wanted her to feel jealous and have a taste of her own medicine and reconcile. That’s what happens in the movies. It hardly ever works in real life that way. I’d suggest being more realistic and retaining a lawyer before you move anywhere permanently. Where are you moving to? Is it a friend’s place or with family? Don’t burn those bridges or use people like a revolving door and be cautious about how you proceed. Make up your mind, do it once and for all if you’re ending the rl. You’ve been living in denial for a long time. 

Leave it alone. Don’t contact or write a note. It was good of you to try by the way. You did not do anything wrong.

43 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I think you’re right. I think I have him on a pedal stool and not really taking a minute to step back and see the whole picture. He is a hot guy and I am a hot girl. He wanted my attention and got it so I think that’s why he didn’t tell me. Which I am not mad about that. I think I am probably likely upset because he didn’t care enough about me to tell me and treated me like I would be some side thing instead of a friend. 

40 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

You’re actually really on point. We aren’t anything anymore. After reading all this I don’t think we are friends he just wanted some attention because he was bored. I just fell for him and I wish I hadn’t been sorta childish and stupid about it because I think it was all a game I didn’t know I was playing lol. He was just having fun and I developed feelings I guess no harm no foul because lines were maybe a little crossed but nothing that can’t be fixed 

23 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I think most of that was pretty good advice. Thanks! Can I just add that both my kids are in college and my husband and I don’t sleep in the same room. He actually stays in the apartment off our house. We are technically for all purposes separated until we get our settlement. I am not trying to really date him either since i just found out he is married. I do love him like I would anyone I had made a connection like that with but it isn’t necessarily sexual or romantic. We do have a lot of chemistry between us but I think maybe it’s better left unexplored and I don’t intend to see him again. Not because I think he is a dog or pig cause I do still deeply care about him but because I think he maybe has not so friendly feelings for me and I know there is something there for me too and it just seems like it will go nowhere but way south 

Keep focusing on your life, the possible end of your marriage. Confusion usually happens when things aren’t aligned or at ease, issues conflict with who you are or what you want.

Listen to your instincts. You do not have to call or think of someone as a pig or dog. Calling someone you care about or have spent time with all kinds of names ends up hurting you in the end. It’s spending way too much energy in a negative way and letting it affect you similarly. You both obviously share some chemistry but you’re second guessing acting further on it. Whenever you feel confused go back to the big picture and ask yourself where you’re going. Does this thing or situation or person fit where you’d like to be?

It may have worked in a different lifetime under different circumstances but right now this is what you have so figure out whether it works for you or it doesn’t. Someone with a proven record of low integrity overall isn’t necessarily someone who may step up for you or remain on the same page. He can change and behind your back too. Is this worth a so-called “friendship” or do you have better things to do? It sounds like you’ve more or less decided not to pursue this but like the idea of knowing someone has a crush on you. And that’s fine. Nothing else needs to be done.

14 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Ok so WISEMAN you seem to not be reading my entire post rather skimming which you’re starting to be really rude to me because of it. I didn’t fantasize a relationship with him or even a future. This is why I am here to ask what I should do because we BOTH have admitted to having feelings for each other, made future plans and have initiated contact outside of work. We didn’t just have one hug. That was just the most significant one to date and he does like me because he has told me so. This isn’t some bull I conjured up one day so get a grip. I like him and he likes me but our situation is hard because of a previous professional relationship between us and that he is married. So I just at this point have asked should we even try to be friends? I have not said I want to break up his life or do anything but enhance it. When I suggested that we just have an affair if he wanted I was merely saying that that’s how much I like him but not that I would actually do it. We talked about everything EXCEPT him being married and he shouldn’t have to tell me exactly but if he didn’t want anything else and didn’t want me flirting with him that would’ve been the way for BOTH of us to cut it out but he didn’t tell me because he wanted that affection from me is what I am guessing and was afraid to lose it. I am here because I am confused about how I feel about him and if I WANT ANYTHING more not the other way around. I NEVER accused him of any impropriety and besides hug a few times a little gray lining it and meeting up at the gym nothing happened because we didn’t let it. Now that I am NOT a patient I don’t think either of us knows exactly how to handle this situation. Also again dude this isn’t done imaginary tale of a fantasy I want to have… you sighted it was a mental medical condition I have… but in order for that to be true I would have to perceive myself as lesser than him and I don’t. I am rather attractive, still young, and pretty financially well off. Lots of guys pay me attention so this isn’t a boredom or lonely thing. We just really did click and I don’t know what to do with that because I miss him and now it’s me avoiding him. He has tried to reach out but after reading some of the comments here I am no longer sure how I feel. I am not trying to have an affair exactly  just don’t want to lose someone I really do care about. And even if that’s one sided as you say then so what?! It hurts like if your best friend moved away in elementary school. You can’t do anything to fight it and you’re prolly never see him again but what if you could change that? Would you still be friends knowing there is a risk of feelings behind that?! That’s what my post is about…is us being even just friends worth the risk if we care this much about each other 

You’re not friends, OP. You’ve admitted caring about him as more than a friend. The issue is not recognizing this has crossed far into the more-than-friends yet attempting to label it or authenticate it as merely “friendly”.

We can care about individuals we meet but acting on it is a different matter. Pick your company carefully.

1 minute ago, Coily said:

I want to re-emphasize that I’m not unfamiliar with the drastic changes of a new born cause, most all of my friends have had kids since the start of friendships. This has been the only case where the communication wasn’t clear from the idea of the visit. A “No” at the offset would have been more acceptable, than how things played out.

Also the fact that I was the only friend of his that had not been able to stay over during that time. 

 

If you have the sense that you’re getting on her nerves, just keep your distance. It’s not worth the hassle splitting these fine hairs about who was in the wrong. They need some space. Try not to judge your friends’ partners harshly. Stay neutral as it’s not your business to get that close and personal about someone else’s partner. 

I do think it was strange she didn’t offer you a guest room. Leave it at that and move on and spend time with other friends. There’s no need to cut anyone out and there is far too much going on to make such a drastic decision.

5 hours ago, theram1982 said:

I can’t answer that. I feel it might go back to my childhood and how I was brought up, so fear of making mistakes and that manifesting as a paralysis in decision making 

You have some idea of why you’re like this. Try to overcome it. It’s useless if people keep telling you what to do if you yourself do not know why you are the way you are. If you knew your parents instilled that fear you also know how to change the course of your future and know examples of what NOT to be. Use it to motivate you and grow. 

See a professional if you want more insight such as a therapist. I’d reflect more and make changes. To make real changes you first have to understand what the issue is and for some, where it originates. 

Don’t stay stuck in the same patterns, thinking in the same way forever. There are new and better ways to live.

6 hours ago, HLDrago said:

My husband and I are not actively trying to save our marriage. We know we are getting a divorce so I am not technically cheating or doing anything wrong because my husband is well aware of my feelings for this guy. We are really good friends and are splitting amicably. It’s the chiropractor that is married and I found out from his co worker. He still doesn’t know that I know he is. He is still pretending to me that he is like this lone wolf. He isn’t technically lying to me about it he is just not telling me. That’s why I am so confused and now I am reading everyone’s comments and think he is kinda a dog. Should I confront him or just never talk to him again. It sucks cause I really do like him and if he could only be friends with me I was ok with that too

What’s the point of confronting someone with low integrity? Think through this for a few seconds when you have a moment.

3 hours ago, TheG said:

Greeting ENotAloners, glad to be back and hope you are all in one piece since my post about 2 years ago

So I am 28 years old and the woman in question is 22. I havent been in a serious relationship for 2 years and it has been great; being busy with my goals, got a new job and my music side hustle has grown alot. The most enjoyable part has been not dealing with relationship anxiety and generally being at peace. 

1 month ago on my way to a music gig, I passed by a friend to drop off flowers for a recent loss she had incurred. When I was there I met her niece (22) and she caught my attention immediately. Anyway I didnt entertain it and proceeded to my gig. A day or 2 later I asked my friend about her niece and she ended up giving me her numbers. Me and the niece kicked it off from the get go and we just connected like a puzzle, I couldnt believe my luck.

Early on in our engaments, she would send me good morning messages but she stopped and now depends on me to send them. Of which I dont mind; but this change has added to my insecurity. Somehow I am finding it hard to believe that I am the only guy in her life, she is quite amazing (well from what Iv experienced so far). Recently she has has been missing alot of my calls but she does get back to me every time (she wasn't missing them as much at first). There was a time I was with her and she got a phone call which she did not answer. There could have been alot of reasons for this but it added to my insecurities. She recently disclosed that she is on contraceptives, which she started about 2 years back. This also made me uncomfortable because her and I have not been sexually active as yet. Sometimes she leaves social media for a day or 2 just to take a break from it and this is something she told me from the beginning, but once again it makes me think of a lot of possibilities. Early on in the relationship she used to post on whatspp stories but now I havent seen a whatsapp story in a while. 

She has an abusive mother and a dad who got incapacitated by Covid (he cant speak now) which might be important information for this situation. Her dad and mom are divorced. 

In my 2 years of being single I have developed a habit of switching off my emotions when I am uncomfortable. Whenever I feel insecure about something with her I just switch off and she ends up complaining about me being quite, not responsive or cold and then I adjust and remind myself that I am just being insecure and alot of these things may have good reason. But these cycles of me switching off emotionally could end up affecting my relationship with her.

In the past I have dealt with woman that I was insecure about and ended up being right about them cheating etc and I have the same fear of course with her although she hasnt given me solid reason for this. I can definitely tell that she really likes me, she shows it but I am struggling with my security due to these small things that happen. 

Am i looking for reasons to run away or are the things I am picking up some flags that I should be wary of? If I am overthinking, things what can I do to become more secure about her so that I can do my best in the relationship and give us a fair chance. 

That’s a large age gap in your twenties. Is she in post secondary school and living at home with her parents? I suggest you learn to trust her or risk sabotaging what you’ve found.

If there are things you dislike or find her immature end it respectfully and move on. Why do you suspect she’s missing “a lot of your calls”? Do you call way too often and she’s genuinely busy or do you feel she’s dealing with too much to nurture a healthy, communicative relationship? 

8 hours ago, Zenon1267 said:

I hope she’s happy with whatever she does. I just miss her company and stuff.
 

That happens. What were the chances you weren’t cut out for one another either way? Someone else caught your fancy on social media and you ran with it with a girlfriend back home. 

Don’t give up your dreams so easily. I second Lambert’s post. Read and reread it when you’re afraid or lonely on the road. Deep breaths. Learn to enjoy the quiet and live in the moment. Be ok on your own. Keep on trucking.

15 hours ago, sylvan33 said:

Sorry, I don't remember asking if he's attracted to me -- or rather I didn't mean for it to come across that way. I was inquiring to make sure our friendship was leading into something more, so I know if I should pull away a bit.

The answer is yes. Reconsider for the concerns listed throughout the thread. Andrina’s is particularly insightful. 

If you’re not sure about it, do nothing. They’re busy with a new baby. Be busy with yourself and enjoy your other friendships. Yes, they do deserve to be happy.

3 hours ago, HLDrago said:

No you’re right. I don’t really think he is my soulmate or anything I just like being around him even if it’s as friends, but reading this hear from you guys makes me reevaluate that he even ever really cared about me at all. I think I am actually gonna switch gyms and maybe stay away from him. Thanks for the advice or jabs whichever it helped 

Are you sure this is the company you’d pick for a friend? Someone who goes behind his newlywed wife’s back and blurs boundaries in the things he’s said or done? I agree with the other comments that it’s fantasy-based but he’s also crossed some lines. Your marriage is over. Deal with this with a therapist and process this before starting something damaging to yourself/others. You’ll thank yourself later with a clean conscience. Why go through all the trouble of getting involved with someone attached? How do you even respect someone like this? 

12 hours ago, theram1982 said:

I struggle with decision making and fear deep down I know what I want but can’t abide upsetting people 

This is interesting. Why do you think this is so? You’re the one in your own shoes living this one life you’ve got so why are you so afraid of making decisions that affect you the most? 

2 minutes ago, Bumblebee093 said:

Thank you everyone.  I am taking on all this information and have blocked him on social media (minus Facebook as I have that deactivated at the moment mainly as he’s more active in that side of social media and really don’t want to reactivate it yet - once I do which will probably be when I’m in a better place that’s the first thing I do but currently I don’t exist on Facebook) 

I’ve got new front door locks and back door locks and our side gate is bolted up.  I know that this is going to be really hard and pretty tough but if I can get through today (whilst still being able to work) then I can do the next day and so on.  I’m crying when needing to and just letting it all out but making sure that when I feel like the way I do that I’m surrounded by my family so I don’t try to reach out to soothe my guilt that I know I shouldn’t be feeling.  
 

The texts he sent me are really weighing on my shoulders and I know that’s what he wants me to feel. I know he wants me to chase him and beg him not to do anything silly and tell him that I love him and care for him and open my arms and my home back up to him.  It’s just hard to go from him being here to all of a sudden shutting him out.  I know it’s needed.  I know i need to do what is best for me and what is best for My mental health. 

Give yourself some time to adjust. The fact remains that he is abusive, violent and manipulative. 

12 hours ago, HaeunKim said:

Hi!

My fiance and i broke up... Here comes the problem:

We are have been engaged for a year and before that dated too and even before dating we are have been friends for 3 years. He always wanted to have kids and to build a family, so we are talked about having kids together, building our own little family. He is even bought baby shoes too. We are went abroad for a two week long work trip. Something might have happened there, because after we are came back from there, a couple days passed and he said he doesn't want kids anymore, while in the same time he is melting over kids wherever and whenever he sees one or is with one... I do want to have kids, at least one if not more! I always seen myself as a mom with a baby at least if not more kids... But his sudden change of mind made us break up, saying "we are want different things". We are working together in a team to this day too after 3 month of the break up. Still both of us would want to be with each other, but he says he it would be selfish if he would ask me to be with him because i want kids and he doesn't... In our work team (all the team members are our friends too) two other guys are asked me out for a date...

The only what made my fiance and me break up was this reason, we didn't had problems, our feelings didn't fade away... Both of us know we are would be still together now too if not this having kids issue... So my question is... What should i do? Should we continue the relationship? Or not because he won't change his mind anyway? Any kind of advice or story if you went through similar can help, because for now i am just confused.

Thank you so much for everyone's time reading this and in case of commenting, giving advice! 🙂

It sounds over, OP. You both disagree on a fundamental difference, often the primary reason or only reason couples marry for. It’s not always the case but often the case. Having children is important to you so take his word for it and go your separate ways respectfully. 

I would not bother thinking about whether he is sincere or not. Take it as sincere feedback and move on with peace of mind.

You can create a rhythm for yourself without depending on meet ups or meeting anyone. What do you want for your life? I’m speaking overall. Then work backwards and adjust your routines.

3 minutes ago, Bumblebee093 said:

Thank you. Locks have been changed this morning so we’re all good on that part.  I had my brother in law stay round last night just to keep an eye and ear out as he didn’t want me and my mother to be on my own 

I feel like a child at the moment when I am a full grown woman.  Hopefully the guilt and sadness eases.    I’ve got therapy in the wings anyway for self esteem and being more assertive which my therapist thinks will help me in the long run.  I’ve got in contact with womens aid. I’m trying to get as much resources as possible so it can be drilled into my silly head. 

Follow the advice you’ve been given about not responding and saving any screenshots. It’s none of his business what you’re doing. If he has issues there are professionals who will look after his problems. 

Look into rekeying locks if changing them is too involved or expensive. He has issues so won’t be thinking rationally if he does want to get in. What are the chances someone like this doesn’t use a door if he wants to break in. 

Do your best to keep your distance and avoid abusive people. He’s not a little boy. He’s an abusive adult who is violent and manipulative.

17 hours ago, kiirsttnae said:

I want to first start by saying I have zero intentions of ruining a marriage, and that's why I would like to see what people think about this situation, in order to see if I need to distant myself from this.

I met this guy years ago and we were reunited in a class more recently. We've recently became fast friends and he's mentioned that he is glad we've become such good friends, as it's hard to make close friends the older we get. I am also friends with his wife, they are both great people and I am happy they are in my life!

However, sometimes I question whether his feelings are developing, but I don't know if I am overthinking things, as I often do. How can I tell if he's just being friendly or interested?

Here are just some things I've noticed:

He will text me a couple times a week to talk. Just random things; usually goofy things or ask me how I am doing. He said he's interested in getting to know more about me. If we are at social situations (we have mutual friends), he will text me funny questions in response to what's happening in the room -- but doesn't do that with anyone else. He'll give me compliments or do little acts of service when he can. I noticed he tries to be close; whether that's parking by me or sitting close so we can talk. He's mentioned that I am a safe space and also that I remind him of his wife in a way. Now writing this all out, it seems silly, but my friends have made comments before jokingly... I should also mention that he speaks very highly of his wife and seems to adore her. It's confusing?

What do you think?

Again, I am willing to distance myself if needed, but I don't want to act hastily if this is a normal friendship with a man that I am just not used to. He just might be a little more sensitive than what I am used to. Thank you for your input!

Keep your distance. You reminding him of his wife is a bizarre and inappropriate comment. My respect for a man doing this would plummet so far a friendship is not likely to remain.  Don’t respond to the texts and just offhand say you didn’t see the texts and be disinterested. I agree that “safe space” or closeness should be with his wife regardless of the friendship. It doesn’t mean friendships aren’t allowed between men and women. 

Use your judgment here and distance yourself with tact.