HumanPinCushion

Thank You for the words

I posted a topic in the Jealousy Forum and this kinda goes hand in hand w/ that. I have never been a jealous person cause I never had any reason to be, but after meet'n my soulmate I have been noticing I get very jealous when it comes to My Girl and other guys. Thing is, is that I was bullied most of my childhood and then as a teen or alittle before I became the bully. To this day I'll throw down at the drop of a hat. The problem is, is that My Girl is a Hippy and she isn't into none of that violent stuff. While in England for my first visit, we're at the super market and some guy is staring at her and it turned out he was somebody that crossed her once in her past and I got so bad she dropped her buggy right there in the middle of the store and walked out. I was screaming and threatening and just being pretty much a d*ckhead. I hate most of the time and I know that kills My Girl. Well I don't wanna ruin what we have from this no more the I do w/ my jealousy problem. Is the a simple way to fix this, cause if so then let me know. I've been like this all my life and its gotta change before I loss her. Yeah, we have talked alot about my problems and I'm try'n to fix it in my head that get'n angry isn't the way to go for our sake. While in England, she seen a side of me that she didn't care for. I have done alot of violent related stuff when I was pushed over the edge...some that would have landed me in prison for sure, but I have never been in a position where I had reason to care or stop how I have been for yrs. until now. I get a certain satisfaction when someone crosses me and I burn their house down, or when a man twice my size goes off on me at his son's soccor game and I jumped his other son (who couldn't be more then 7) in the bathroom and took my anger out on him. See'n that man while out and about 2 yrs later and for him to make cracks aloud about me and that day to his co-worker and w/ a smile on his face the whole time, and smiling back I gave him details about me watching his son goto the restroom and me going in behind him and beat'n him down and him pay'n for what his daddy did. The look on his face when I filled him in was reward enough. I KNOW I KNOW...Thats needs to change. Something just takes over in me and I can't help it, but I know this will be the fall of me and her if I don't change. I am moving to England in April and since my first trip to England, I have made somewhat of a Sh*t List of people that will be hear'n from me. My girl is already scared for the people that I'll be dealing w/ as well as worried about us. I need to get help and I know this. Being in this relationship has gave me something to change for and I am working on that. I get angry now, I write words to My Girl that assures her I'm ok and Love Her very much. Thank You All For Listening and Take Care

Hello, I have met my soulmate, but I have found I have a huge problem with jealousy. I have been married twice and dated alot. The first marriage, We actually got involved with swinging, and even did porn professionally. Bad as that sounds, it was just me being someone I'm wasn't. That marriage ended when she left me for a drug dealer. Then dated until I married a second time. This marriage, I whole heartly feel I did cause I was lossing my mother and she was an online friend that worked her way into my life just as I found out my mother had cancer. When we split, we both admitted that we never really loved or cared for eachother in the first place. I was just a friend in need and she was doing what she thought was best at the time. That fell apart fast afterwards. Fact is I strongly believe that I have never been in Love. Never had a jealous bone in my body...never felt the need to worry even when my second wife stayed out w/ my friends and admitted the sex they had the next day. I flat didn't care. But now I meet my soulmate. She's 36 to my 33 and she has never been married but has 2 kids. She's everything I never knew existed. She's taught me how to Love and I've experienced feeling with her I never knew were there. She's in England and I'm in US and just got back from a month long visit, so I know she is the one I was put here for. Ok, but after the visit I find myself worried to death I'm gonna loss her cause she's online (yahoo, msn, or aim) and I can only see visions in my head of her talking to a guy who she met just like she met me. I have read her personal emails and one email was a Thank You note from a friend inwhich she and him were having a drink during the time we were together but before we met in person. She says was just a friendly lunch meeting, but I can't help but to see alot more. Like tunnel vision and the only one I wanna see is her, but I see other shadows behind her and go into attack mode...and attacking only her. I am feeling total jealousy for the first time as far as a chic is concerned. It really is ruining us and I can't stand the thought of her being w/ someone else, but my brain says she is everytime I see her on one of her other chats (cause we have chats just for us) or I don't see her online for days. Though I feel I have reason to worry, I truly believe she is guilty of nothing but my brain says otherwise. I go back to her in England on the 8th of April for 6 month stay. What can I do to help deal w/ this? Thank You Very Much, Jerry