Lonly_guy

I think its cause I've been very conservative throughout my life and still am. I don't have a problem with her having sex or kissing other guys in her past. That is to be expected. The thing i'm having trouble with is the fact that she did this lots BUT with guys she didn't know. Ie go out clubbing and go home with him. It took me about three or so dates before I kissed her. I know I'm slow but I don't understand kissing or sex with someone you don't know - and just getting a name doesn't count for me. I guess i'm a little old fashioned & probably in the minority here but that's the way i am. I'm not blaming her - after all its the past, and something she can't change. I probably wouldn't even ask her to change the past even if that was a possiblity - because I guess she is where she is based on some of that past. Its something i have to deal with and I'm trying to. I don't think about it all the time. It just bugs me and scares me a little. I don't want to lose her over this and I certainly don't want to let this eat away at me. Anyway I'm trying to look forward and stop look at the past but its just hard sometime - plus being sick this last few weeks hasn't helped either. I think i'm being more paranoid that usual.

Yes I realise it is the past! And I am trying to come to turns with it. I also realise that most other women have had done similar things. Its not the act exactly. I understand her having sex with an ex or kissing her ex or ex bf's. Its the fact that she did it for the hell of it in the past. Sure I know I'm a bit of a prude! I came on here to get some advise on how I can get over this - I realise I'm probably been too hard on her and I feel an AH about it but for crying out loud I can't help feeling this way can I???? It also doesn't help that I haven't been myself lately...I think i'm focusing on stuff later more than I would have cause I'm sick....So please give me some constructive ways to get over this....I've already asked her not to talk about that part of her past....what else?? Stewart

Hi There, I have been seeing this girl for almost 4 months now. I really care about her and she cares about me. The problem is this: during a few conversations we have had, she has mentioned some of her past. Things like she's had a threesome(once), kissed a guy at a gay bar, and been fairly promiscuous. I am very conservative, and have only just lost my virginity to her. I'm not the type of guy to go out and just kissing someone I don't know at a club let alone having a one nighter. She is 26 and I'm 26, she says she hasn't done any of that since her little girl was born some 3.5 years ago. She did however kiss a guy at a club a month before she met me. Every time any of this stuff comes up I feel sick to my stomach, and I go quite. She has noticed and has said stuff. Recently after she mentioned some of her past, I went quite again and she knew something was wrong and asked me about it. So I reluctantly told her how I felt - that was I was scared and concerned. Her reaction was she ended up crying. I feel like such a AH for having these feelings, and even more guilty telling her how i really feel. To be fair to myself I haven't been myself lately after coming down with glandular fever. I guess I want to know is: - Are these feelings normal? - Should I tell her how I feel? - How do I overcome these feelings? I've since told her that I don't want to talk about her past anymore. She has agreed but I can't help occasionally thinking of some of that stuff. She has a child from one of her one nighters. I get on with her and her family and her little girl. I don't want to lose her. P.S I know some of this stuff doesn't sound that bad, like kissing someone you don't know, but that's just not me, and for some reason concerns me. I don't know why but it and the other just do. Anyway advice would be appreciated! Stewart

Hi SandraD, I know how you feel I'm going through this for the second time with the same girl. I've known her for a few years now too but I have never really said anything. I think she knows but I'm not sure. Anyway I'm going to tell her/ask her finally. You have to do it to move on - that my theory anyway. Seconldy cut all ties afterwards. Its a little easier to get over them when you don't see/talk to them every so often. Hence why I am now in your boat again....I didn't follow my own advise Although Its alot easier said than done.... If you need to talk message me Stewart

Well I'm kinda feeling alittle better. I've probably stupidly decided I'm going to say something. I sure nothing is going to happen but i figure I need to do this for myself. I'm usually the one who sits back and never says anything, But I need to change that if I want things to change and finally get a girl. Even if nothing happens hopefully we can still be friends. I'm not 100% sure I want that though....I do but I think it would cause me to many problems trying to forget her. But I doubt that...I'll bet I never see her again once I tell her how i feel/ask her out. Theres two reasons why I have decided to ask; firstly for me...I need to get into more of a habit of asking for what i want. As Dr Phil says "You have to name it to claim it" or something like that. Secondly I've never felt this way about anyone and I don't think i could ever forgive myself for not trying hard enough for someone I really really care about. Anyway hopefully I'll feel better over the next few days & become my usual self. Hopefully I'll also get lucky with that special girl too, but i doubt it I'm still scared that she'll say no. But i'm also scared that I'll never feel like this/or find someone like this again....but I guess i have no choice but to plod along.

Okay I don't know whats wrong with me! I've known this girl for 2 - 2.5 years. I've liked her from day one, but never had the guts to say anything. Well Friday I was determined to say something....alas I didn't cause she has a boyfriend Firstly I'm 25 and never dated before and although it seems cliche I have never felt this way about anyone ever! I can never get her out of my mind, I've lost heaps of sleep over and this has gone on since I've known her. Anyway....Friday after we got together for lunch i felt so weird, but not the usual way I feel when I essentially get regected. I wanted to break something, I wanted to cry but could get more than a drop or two out. I hardly slept all night. Saturday morning I did cry, & I want to cry now sunday. I've never been like this over a girl. I have a constant frog in my throwt, and I fell sick every now and then. I just can't get her out of my mind, I try but ineviteable I'm back on her. I've never had such strong emotions or feelings for someone. I just don't understand. Early last year I decided I should give up on her cause I didn't have the guts, so I stopped calling her. I wouldn't say I got over her but I was on my way to get over her. But out of the blue she rings me, & she sparked my interest again. Early this year I decided I needed to become more confident with women & try and talk to them more. I also tried to get over her again by looking at other chicks and seeing if I"m interested in any and perhaps pursuing. That was going really well talk wise, but ever women I looked at I couldn't see myself with. I don't know what It si...I've never really been easily attracted to women but it seems different this time. I can't see myself with anyone else except her!!!!!!!. Most of my life could could honestly say that I have zero passion for anything. The first time i am passionate about something and the first time it felt right it all goes to hell. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this. This isn't just alittle disappontment over 'some' girl. I'm scared...I was scared when I felt so strongly about her and I'm scared of losing her!!. And I'm scared that I'll never feel this way again. There has to be something wrong with me. I've wandered around the house all day doing nothing bored out of my brain, cranky , upset & lonely! I wanted to just run away....and die. I'm so sick of not having a girl friend, I'm so sick of being alone. I just don't know how much longer I can put up with all this crap. I'm 25 never dated & in love with someone who doesn't know I exist. I don't want to wake up in 5 - 10 years down the track and still be single. So everyone has suggested I get out and just mingle. I've been doing that and I can't see myself with anyone except this girl. Shes sooo different to anything I've been attractected to........and she has made me feel things I've never thought was possible. But its' a waste..i just don't know what to do. I can easily see myself a week from now feeling the same, and 10 years down the track still being single. I do know one thing I will never forget this girl. I suppose one of my problems is i've never been really good with my emotions & expressing how I fell. So I guess I'm really struggling to handle such extreem feelings. How the hell do i get over this girl..& should I give up?