kim42

It was just the second date, plenty of time for things to escalate, OP seems to be a gentleman.

I wouldn't feel comfortable if a man I went on a date with would find out where I work and show up there as a surprise. For me it's too invasive.

I would be freaked out for sure, I don't open up to people easily and don't like surprises like this, so for me it would be a red flag.

Yes, that's what I've been thinking lately. I've been focusing on my life as much as I can, and I'll try to stay busy without getting too attached to the idea of a future visit.

Yes, I don't want to ask too much or to often about his job search because I know he's been a little frustrated, which is understandable. He shares updates about job interviews with me even without me asking so I still know how things are going. And I agree, it's also makes harder to have the 'what you've been up to' conversation. The good thing is that we still have things to talk about.

From what I understood, he did text her after they had sex, I think he texted her the next day. And then they didn't talk for 5 days. @MsBlonde I hope I didn't confuse things!

Yes, I'm meeting local men. As much as I like this guy, I'm very aware of the fact that his situation is uncertain.

I mean we didn't see the entire conversation so I'm not sure how they moved from 'weekends' to 'week nights' but I don't think it has to be a red flag. Judging from personal experience - there's this guy who asked me out - he wanted to hang out this weekend but I already had plans. I also have plans for next weekend so I'll see him one evening on a weekday.

I agree it's easy to get caught up in overanalyzing messages and how quickly someone replies, I struggle with it myself. I've realized that sometimes even my messages can seem to be 'cold', and it's just because I'm tired, and it has nothing to do with the person I'm texting with.

I personally wouldn't worry too much about the weekday or weekend thing, enjoy the date, and I hope the vibe is still there!

Yes, I remember the festival guy. Thank you, Sindy, I agree that a new job is a big change.

I believe he wants to focus on finding a job in his field for now. He left the job through which we worked on some projects together for a different job, that turned out to be not what he was looking for, so he quit. I think he underestimated the situation and probably thought he could find another job easily.

I don't know how to explain this so it makes sense but I'm not sure if I want to spend money and take days off at work when I don't know when he will be able to visit me. I mean, he could be looking for a job another 4 months (hopefully not). I'm sure he'd be happy to meet if I suggest to meet in his city but I'm not sure if I want to invest in this, since he's not in a position to make plans right now. And yes, I think it might fade if we don't see each other soon.

The train itself is about 2 hours and 30 minutes. For him to get to the train station from where he lives is another hour, and then to get where I live it's about 40 minutes.

Both, but mostly the first reason.

Sorry to hear that! I wonder if he wanted to remain friends to stay in touch with you and have sex again when he feels like it. I would stop talking to him, block him if needed.

I think you shouldn't do anything that you're not comfortable. However, I have to admit that if I go on 3 dates with a guy and he doesn't kiss by then, I might lose interest and put him in the friendzone box.

Little Sunday update, mostly just to vent: We've agreed that he will come to visit once he finds a job. Sadly he's still unemployed. He's been having lots of interviews but the job market is pretty competitive in this field. He's been reaching out more often than before, we talk several times a week now, he checks on me, and if I tell him that I'll have an important meeting at work, he'll text me on the day of the meeting to ask how it went. So the communication is much better now, we keep sharing updates with each other. It's been 2 months since we saw each other, and sometimes I wonder how long it will take him to find a job. I have a busy life right now so it's not that I think about this all the time but it's a little frustrating I guess.

Hey Lolita! See, I never thought about it like this. I think I mentioned in my thread that I don't like phone calls, and one of the reasons is that I'm insecure about my voice. Maybe that will change one day! 😁

Hey Sindy, I'm glad he was understanding and it seems you enjoy spending time with him 😊 I think we all have our insecurities, for example I have quite a strong voice, so not the soft feminine voice one would expect, and I do get insecure about it sometimes, but the funny thing is that men compliment me on my voice a lot. So I believe in most cases it's just in our heads.

I'd simply send him a message to ask him out on a date. Try not to overanalyze his messages, I think what matters is if he wants to go on another date.

While I think waiting 5 days to text you again is a little long, but some guys don't want to text too much so they don't seem needy. Or maybe he was waiting for you to text him first. Did he suggest things to do or make any plans?

The OP said she felt she made very apparent that she was looking for something serious, so I agree with you that he could have communicated better.

If you want to see him again, ask him out on a date. The worst thing that can happen is that he'll say no, but at least you will know.

I'd go on the second date and see how it goes, I thik it's too soon to jump to conclusions after the first date. Some people are not so much into texting, so I wouldn't overanalyze her messages. If she wants to go on a second date with you, I think it's a good sign, just take it from there.