My boyfriend of about one year and I are both in our first serious relationship. For me, I've never been attracted toanyone else this much before and so never went too far physically. also, he has never been intimate with anyone else before. but for some strange reason, although i didn't like him that much in the beginning, our relationship started out in a very physical way (i didn't think he was my type but for some strange reason i got involved with him physically... we didn't have sex but went pretty far). as i got o know him better, however, i really started liking him and at some point a few months ago i even felt like iwas in love with him. i even told him so. but he said he didn't feel like he was in love with me. later i thought about it and realized that maybe i was using hte word love too loosely and so decided to stick with this relationship.
that was several months ago though. in the meantime we have had several breakups (i was the one to initiate them every time because i would always feel like i wasnt getting enough emotionally) and then after a long break we decided to give it a fresh start about three weeks ago. we decided we woould take things slowly and see how it goes and woudnt think about what happened in the past (Some of the breakups were pretty bad). things have been very good, as far as i can tell. i mean we have had some arguments and misunderstandings, but nothign too seious.
and ive been feeling pretty great and satisfied. he, after a long time, also seemed to actually like being in the relationship. however, it seems to me that he haas become somewhat less interested in me physically. i mean often he says he is very tired (which is probably true because he works for like ten hours a day). but at some point a few days ago we were making out and i suddenly felt like i was ready to go all the way (im a virgin, so is he). but he said that "its not safe"...we did not have any protections with us. but i said then does that mean you dont want to do it with me and he was like "i think i want to save myself... i mean thats the most vulnerable one can get. idont think i can do it now". i don't know why but i got pretty upset with that. i felt like he has been using me to explore stuff and was saving himself for someone else. i told him so but he said he feels like he has exposed himself too much already . frankly, that was somehting i told him earlier (About me feeling like i have gone too far with him physically)... ie i felt like that too. but at that point when he said that i felt very hurt although i know that he made the right decision because idont feel ready for sex either ... it was just something i felt at the spur of the moment.
apart from this, our relationship is goign OK i think. he does many sweet things that make me feel good. one thing i should mention is htat he is very introverted and shy and also religious. so i keep telling myself that he is just taking things slow. but i guess i would like to hear what you guys think about the situation. this thing has been bothering me a lot recently. i'm afraid of getting really hurt as i can feel my feelings getting stronger.....
