Honeycomb8

He's a literal deadweight and bum. Get this manchild out of your life -_-.

5 years in the future you'll be in the same position. Unless you want to be a sugar momma, I suggest ending things. You are an intelligent, hardworking woman that deserves to a man who is an equal, NOT this.

At the same age, my father was supporting his family and doing really well in his engineering career. My mum contributed a lot as well- it's really important to find someone who's worthy of you.

Sorry but she's definitely cheating on you. 😐

Time to break up. 

I've had a couple of shots of hard liquor cos I was so nervous around a guy. 

But keep your eyes open and don't get too infatuated BC he's a stranger. 

She knew what she was saying. You are aware of the things you say when you're drunk, you just choose to deal with the consequences later. 

She's not a nice person, I think you should find someone else. You won't ever get over this comment and I wouldn't blame ya. It was sh it and very immature. 

I had an ex when I was 21 that was extremely small. Like scientifically probably a micropenis? Not at all exaggerating. I remember the first time I saw it and how absolutely shocked I was. Even though I didn't care about him I NEVER made any comments about his size. I broke up with him for other reasons but seriously...I knew if I had made one comment he would lose any confidence he had on himself when it came to sex, and I didn't want to do that to him. 

This girl didn't give a sht when she said those things. Being drunk is no excuse. Her comment just seems like she's really putting you in your place and that's actually pretty cruel.

Also I promise you, it's not about size. Some of the best sex I've ever had was due to more how I felt about them and our chemistry than just because they were packin it. 

All he wants is sex from you and makes it more than clear. 

He doesn't give a sht about you.

5 minutes ago, i hate this said:

I’m not talking about looks. I was just stating we are opposites. Yes he may have had a connection with this girl but he knew her 3/4 years longer than he’s known me. When I’m with him it feels like time stops and there’s no one else in the moment but us. 

So? It doesn't matter. He lied and disrespected you repeatedly. Also he cheated on you. If he overlapped you when you guys got together. 

Ignoreeee

I don't think I've ever had a bf that repeatedly made comments about other womens' looks. We can make a comment together, but it's def not much or a regular thing. 

Cheating has nothing to do with looks. It speaks only of the other person and their issues. 

Um. 

Someone that mentions a sister or friends when talking about threesomes would be an ex. ***. 

16 hours ago, smackie9 said:

He has no self control, and lies. I agree he only thinks about himself and not how it affects others.

Hey it's up to you if you believe in him.

Yip he has no moral compass. This guy is going to continue to hurt you in the future. :/...

He lied to you, sexually overlapped you with another girl, lied to you some more. Slept with her cos you didn't want to. Lied to you some more. 

He's NOT a good guy. I don't think you should continue with him. 

23 hours ago, Missinginaction363 said:

You're absolutely right. Although as soon as I go on strike. He pulls a huge fit like a child. I didn't want to make his sandwich one day and it turned which hunt. - why can't you do it - omg I'm not asking much - your going to be up - why do you treat me so bad. - then as soon as I raise my voice (after letting him talk and being interrupted every time ) he starts to get upset and say I'm the problem yelling all time. 

Guys that throw fits...Aren't bf material. 

I used to live with an ex. He paid for the rent while I contributed towards groceries and sometimes dinners. I cooked more while he cleaned more. I feel like after 10 years it shouldn't be like this with you? He should help with chores too. 

Oh yeah that sounds like something I could do. I know it won't be easy but I want to give this my best shot. 

Nearly a year and four months now. 

I think I'm going to dial back things and give him space. I can just do my own thing and still spend time with him as well. 

I'll just socialise some more and keep myself busy. Ending things would just be depressing and I know I will regret it. 

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But see, you're still trying to "get" him to be the boyfriend you want him to be instead of accepting him as he is. I'm sure he knows there are other medications available. 

You can certainly bring it up, but be prepared in case he either disregards your suggestion or agrees and then does nothing.

Yeah that's what I was thinking that's why I haven't yet done so. I'm giving him the freedom to make his own choices. 

16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You can't "support" the depression out of him. And giving "support" won't get him to give you attention or communicate with you the way you want him to.

See, his depression isn't about you. Depressed people are very self absorbed (not selfish, that's different). They don't have the emotional capacity to take care of themselves, let alone give a partner attention or affection or regular communication. So if you're wanting regular communication or attention or for him to show you affection, well, he just isn't going to be able to. Not as long as he refuses treatment.

Yes, I have depression and anxiety. But I am receiving regular treatment from a team of professionals so I can live my best life and have healthy interactions with my loved ones.

If your boyfriend would rather refuse treatment so his "personality" will be the way he wants it, that shows you where his priorities lie. 

You can certainly choose to stay in the relationship, but as others have said it's imperative you dial back your expectations. And lose the idea that if you "support" him enough or the right way he will interact with you the way you want him to. Realize you will not get communication, affection, time and attention from him on a consistent basis. He will frequently withdraw and you MUST be OK with that.

Did anyone manage to stick through things with you? 

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You can't "support" the depression out of him. And giving "support" won't get him to give you attention or communicate with you the way you want him to.

See, his depression isn't about you. Depressed people are very self absorbed (not selfish, that's different). They don't have the emotional capacity to take care of themselves, let alone give a partner attention or affection or regular communication. So if you're wanting regular communication or attention or for him to show you affection, well, he just isn't going to be able to. Not as long as he refuses treatment.

Yes, I have depression and anxiety. But I am receiving regular treatment from a team of professionals so I can live my best life and have healthy interactions with my loved ones.

If your boyfriend would rather refuse treatment so his "personality" will be the way he wants it, that shows you where his priorities lie. 

You can certainly choose to stay in the relationship, but as others have said it's imperative you dial back your expectations. And lose the idea that if you "support" him enough or the right way he will interact with you the way you want him to. Realize you will not get communication, affection, time and attention from him on a consistent basis. He will frequently withdraw and you MUST be OK with that.

This was very insightful. I will bring it up with him to see if he can get some medication that would work better for him. 

^ nah it's nothing do with that. I am certain and he's not that type of person. 

To use mental health as an excuse is pretty ***ed up anyway and he's the straight forward type. If he's not keen, he would just tell me and go. 

Depressed people push people away. I know this and have seen it before. Hell, that's what I did. 

Not every person that retreats has somebody else in the background. 

I'm independent, have an active social life and financially have no problems. 

I've always liked some space and have generally found guys to be on the clingier side actually haha. 

I know right now the emotional stuff and communication isn't the greatest but I still love him and hope that he will start taking his medication. 

I am pretty strong and I feel committed to him. You guys all raise good points and it really does help! 

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, I've been treated that way by people with depression too - including recently- and I have my limits.  It depends on whether the person was honest with me "I'm just not myself so please understand if I'm not in touch as much anymore" - or just goes MIA.  I'm really not ok with MIA done abruptly and thoughtlessly.  I think there's always the opportunity to tell someone you care about that you're going to retreat because you're unwell but you'll be in touch when better.  I don't mind extra time with no response but a prolonged MIA with no warning where I end up worrying/not knowing what to do -not ok,  and wouldn't be ok with a romantic partner. 

Were you involved with a significant other at the time?  Because that's a different level of responsibility than friends who you haven't committed to - because the SO understandably relies on his or her partner to spend most of their free time together, sometimes for financial dependence too, caring for pets or children, etc.  I don't like the way your SO is choosing to treat you.

Yeah a heads up does make things easier.

I don't believe I was with anyone serious during those times. Actually now that I think about it, for the first period I rebounded and that was a waste of time. I felt distant and wanted my own space.

The second time I dated around and was emotionally unavailable. Hell I was emotionally unavailable for ages whilst being single as well, but am finally back to being myself lol. I know it's going to be hard at times, but being with him makes my heart feel really good. I haven't felt anything like this in several years. 

I know I can find someone who could possibly give me more attention but that wouldn't make me happy BC it's not him. 

During lockdown he replies every few hours. Though there has been two occasions in the past he went a day without talking to me. 

We used to text a lot. We both have busy positions but we chatted through the day. 

You're right. I know I have to think of myself. But right now I want to stick with it. People with mental issues deserve love too don't they? His issues is just a part of him, it really doesn't take away how wonderful he is. He has so much integrity, conviction, passion and grit. He makes me want to be better as a person in so many ways. I have been going through a lot of family issues and he's been so supportive and really went above and beyond regarding that. He has many rare qualities I have yet to find in anyone else. 

As I said, I am not looking to walk away. I would rather stay. 

7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You've already told that you're there if he needs you, right? That's basically all you can say.

Can you be more specific about the changes in behaviour you have noticed, though? You say he doesn't communicate as much as he used to. So, how frequently did you talk before, and what's it like now? How often do you see each other?

Understand that many with depression totally wall themselves off as a coping mechanism. And it can hurt like hell for the people around them, even the most understanding people. Expect that you will be spending a lot more time on your own, and without him as a sounding board for daily issues or as a partner in daily activities. You are going to have to be careful here, as you are in for a very lonely ride if he does not get better. 

There was a period we saw each other daily (before this period of bad depression) then it was three times a week. I spent a lot of time with his family too. His parents really like me and I get along very well with his mother. Before lockdown it was once or twice a week at most. 

We used to text a lot. Now the texting is a lot less frequent. He does a lot of extra hours for work as he has a busy career but yeah, the communication isn't like before. He says other people have left in the past BC of this issue of him being down so he wouldn't blame me if I did the same. 

He still tells me he loves me. He's a very straight forward person, and wouldn't be saying that if he didn't mean it. 

I remember now he told me the meds don't really help. That he's tried a lot. Guess it's a case of trial and error then. 

😞