Honeycomb8

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

And how did you treat your loved ones?

I was very reclusive. I don't handle depression well - it was really bad. I cut myself off from people. 

Besides the meds issue, what can I tell him so that he can feel more supported? 

I think it should be a psychiatrist as he mentioned something about getting meds. Or to see what needs to be updated. 

No he doesn't. I think he's going to see a therapist sometime in the next couple of months. We are currently in lockdown so it doesn't help things lol. 

It hasn't been easy. But I really love him and I don't want to give up on this. He makes me very happy and is very special to me. 

5 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Yes. I have. 

Depression brought on by grief (of a breakup) is different.

Clinical depression is mental/medical illness that requires medical treatment.

A lay person (not a therapist etc) is not qualified to do anything to help. Just as you are not a dentist and should not pull a person's bad tooth.

I had two periods of depression that lasted around 1.5 yrs each time. What makes it that different? Feeling wise. 

I have a full life and fortunately I've never been the clingy type haha. 

I dunno if he has bipolar, but his moods must fluctuate more than mine. 

Besides these problems he's wonderful. These things do not take away how great of a guy he is. 

I have been giving him some space. 

20 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I think the best thing you can do is have strong boundaries. His depression is something he and he alone can work on.

Taking on any responsibility for another person's health, will destroy yours.

I would create strong boundaries. Mainly, if he is off his meds, I would not see him. 

A person should not be off their prescribed medications without the guidance of their doctor.  

My other boundary would be, they must stay in therapy and see a doctor regularly. 

Again, a person on a prescription for a doctor diagnosed condition needs to see a doctor, a therapist, regularly.

You do a person no favors enabling them to neglect their responsibilities. As a person's partner and closest to them, you have to hold them accountable. 

If you can't, then end it. it is better for you both.

Good luck.  I've been there. It's a tough path. 

 

Did you know someone with depression? 

I've had depression but that was more breakup induced (cheating etc) so it's different isn't it. 

6 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

My husband has severe ADHD as well and is not medicated for that he is however medicated for very severe anxiety ( it was so bad he used to pass out) and OCD. He has done well for many many years now. 

He has anxiety too. Lol it's funny because he always seemed soo confident and outgoing with me. He's actually in management and is one of those guys that was popular in school. I didn't expect things to be like this, but now things are how they are. 😞

8 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I think the best thing you can do is have strong boundaries. His depression is something he and he alone can work on.

Taking on any responsibility for another person's health, will destroy yours.

I would create strong boundaries. Mainly, if he is off his meds, I would not see him. 

A person should not be off their prescribed medications without the guidance of their doctor.  

My other boundary would be, they must stay in therapy and see a doctor regularly. 

Again, a person on a prescription for a doctor diagnosed condition needs to see a doctor, a therapist, regularly.

You do a person no favors enabling them to neglect their responsibilities. As a person's partner and closest to them, you have to hold them accountable. 

If you can't, then end it. it is better for you both.

Good luck.  I've been there. It's a tough path. 

 

I don't want it to be make it a thing where he has to be one way. He says it's this period that's been especially bad. That it hasn't been as serious since his early 20's (he's late 20's atm). 

I just want to be there for him and not force him. I already told him I'm here if he needs me. 

I know, I just wanted to know what can I do to be there for him?

He has ADHD so takes meds for that (though personally I think I have a mild form of that too lol, but I don't need meds). He says the depression meds mutes his personality and he doesn't feel himself when he's on it. He's normally an extremely charismatic and hilarious guy, so dunno what the meds actually does? 

I'm not trying to change him, I just wanted to make things easier for him. 

My boyfriend goes through periods of depression and is currently pushing me away. He says he's been like this ever since he was a kid and goes through phases. He has medication but he doesn't take it. He says this doesn't affect his feelings for me, that his feelings are still the same and that his behaviour has nothing to do with me. 

I have been trying to keep myself upbeat but despite the fact that I am quite an independent person, I can't help feeling hurt when he doesn't communicate the way he used to. It's been really hard. 

I love him. He's an amazing guy, we have a very strong connection and he has so many qualities I adore, I'm not going to just give up. This isn't a thing where I'm asking if I should walk away because that's not what I want. I wanted to ask for people that has clinical depression or have known people with it, what can I do to be there for him? What are some things I can do to make things easier. 

These days he says he spends a lot of energy trying to keep himself together. 

Any thoughts will be appreciated.

So I heard you cheated on me a few times during our past relationship. Screw you. I can't believe I wasted years of my life with you. Thank you for giving me more persisting issues. 

I f love it. 

That's amazing, I'm sure you will be missed. It shows true dedication and commitment to stay in a company for that long, I really hope they send you off with a massive bonus! 

Hey E.

I was extremely shocked to see you add me. To say shocked would be an understatement. You wanting to video chat and our brief catch up made me really happy. I'm so glad you're doing so well these days. All those dreams of yours have all become reality. It's ironic the timing of it all but I'm really happy I got to talk to you. It still feels the same.

Hey E.

Haven't messaged u in so long. For the longest time, I was chasing the feeling I used to have with you with everyone I met after. I never forgot how special you were to me and now that I met someone that reminds me of you so much it's kinda making me think of you again. I really hope you're happy these days, I know you decided to stay away to make it easier for both of us. Long distance doesn't work of course but regardless of the situation, I loved you. You changed my life and I'll always have a soft spot for you.

I thought about you yesterday and missed you.

I am over you, I don't know what this is about. My heart hasn't warmed to anyone in a real substantial way in years-I really wish that could change. But it's not easy-you know how I am, too f- picky for my own good. For the past while, I have found myself losing interest instantaneously and I can't seem to help it. There's this song that always made me think of you, and I heard it yesterday. It brought back strong memories of how I used to feel about you. But it's been years, and noone else has really touched me in the same way. I really do wish to feel those strong, uninhibited emotions again. I have grown up so much since then, but what I felt for you was real. It was a very confusing few years for me back then but regardless of what went down, I did genuinely love you.

I hope you're doing well B.

Hey you,

Hope things are adjusting well. I dunno why I thought about you today but I dunno. Some part of me still remembers the love I felt for you in the past and I had this flashback of us laughing our heads off, drunk with elation as we swayed, hips touching down _________ street.

Maybe this year I'll finally find someone else I can actually love again.

That feeling has been gone for too long.

I found out you have been with a new girl since November. How dare you treat me like this, dump me like I meant nothing and 1 month later, you already fool around with another woman while I cry and suffer, worry about your mental health and hope you are doing fine?! I am sure now you left me because you were after her.

 

How dare you lie to me, the only one who was there for you, listened to your problems, supported you and cheered you on?! Who comforted you when you were sad, held you when you were scared, tried to help you men your relationships! Who went to your appointments with you?! I really did love you, this is not just a word to me! It meant something!

 

You don't deserve me, you don't deserve a loyal woman like me who devotes herself to being kind and loving to her partner. You sullied my most sacred beliefs, destroyed the happy person I was, the hopeful and kind soul I had is gone! I have never been betrayed like this before, and believe me, I have been ed over a lot. My life has always been a struggle, it has always been filled with pain and you knew it, and yet you used me! Why did you lie to me!?

 

I was sad and could barely get out of bed while you were already sleeping with her! I am so stupid, thinking I was special. You gave me false hope, shattered my heart to pieces, lied to me and walked all over me while I was defending you, loving you and thinking, I found the man who I would be with; that I found my happy ending. That I finally got lucky.

 

I was sad, yes, but now I'm pissed. Heard she doesn't treat you well. Good. You deserve it. While I hope you find happiness, I do, I don't think you deserve it at this moment. I want you to feel the hopelessness I felt when you broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I gave you things I gave nobody before you, I ... told you things nobody else knows, about my past, about my abuse and you spit in my face. A relationship born from such pain can never be healthy, can never work out! I hope this haunts you for a good while.

 

I hope you find out some other man saw what you didn't and regretted it for the rest of your life, knowing you left someone who would have loved you till the end, would have been kind and loving and would have been good to your family and your friends, like I have been before! They all still love me, they even defended me. What does that say about you? That man will be braver than you will ever be, he will be better than you, he will tell me he loves me and he will show it. One day, I will be grateful you ed me over so badly because I will be with someone who deserves a loyal woman like myself. It will take a while, to get myself together, to start believing love is real again but I won't let you destroy the future I always wanted.

 

I threw out the dried flowers I kept from you. I don't want to see them. I threw out the necklace you gave me for my birthday. I don't ever want to touch that meaningless again, that made me believe I was something special in your life. I don't ever want to be blinded by my love again!

 

 

You made me do this! YOU DID THIS! Don't you ever dare forget it. We could have had it all and now all you will have is just another fling with this woman before she screws you over like all others before her. All I will be now is a regret you will feel for the rest of your life!

 

Hope you are happy. I wish I never met you. I wish I never wasted 2 years of my life on you. I wish I never told you I loved you! I wish I never wasted all that money on you, to see you, to find meaningful gifts! To take you to diners because I wanted you to know how much I valued you! I wish our parents never met! Now they are involved and suffering too.

 

How could you do this to me... I thought you respected me... at least cared enough not to break me... I trusted you and you treated me worse than those women who abused you, cheated on you and controlled you. Made me believe I was worthless and ugly, like I was never good enough.

 

Guess who isn't good enough? YOU!

 

Good bye, it is your loss in the end, not mine. You lost someone special, all I lost was a lying, cowardly man who couldn't treat me right if it hit him in the face.

Be strong.

To ___

It was so nice catching up with you, you haven't changed at all and I'm so glad we can be friends now :). I still see you as a great guy and I'm so happy you're achieving those dreams of yours.

To ___

Can't believe I passed you AGAIN last week. Dunno what is up with the creepily frequent run ins. Anyway, things are going great with life and I felt nothing. Hope you're well and good luck with things when you head overseas.

So you texted me again this early morning (6am is alittle too much don't you think?). You don't need to update me on when you're leaving.

Just go already lol none of this is any of my concern. No I don't want to see you before you go-don't you get it? 20 messages later, no response from my side-I just don't care anymore so have a nice life and bye.

We nearly bumped into each other again. You were only like 10 seconds of steps away from me so it's getting super weirdly coincidental, almost like it couldn't have been a coincidence. Dunno why you messaged me again after bombarding my phone in the early hours week and a half ago, by now it should be more than clear I won't ever speak to you again.

I really am completely over you, it's such a strange feeling.

I still remember how I helpless I'd felt for so so so long...But that was once upon a time.

Now it's all faded and I am completely free.

I think I may have passed u while on the coast today. Either way the guy really looked like you and was looking down. I would have assumed u were on a trip overseas. What a mad coincidence if it were you.

Why did u message me again? This is what, the 7th time you have since I cut u off.

I won't be replying. U and I both know this.

Hey boy who won't leave me be,

I can finally finally say I'm completely and utterly 100% over you.

About bloody time.

Be blessed and see ya.

It's been a long time since we broke up and several months since I've cut you off completely. Checking my emails just then I saw you just emailed saying that you still loved me.

That some part of you still wished we'd eventually get back together and that you were going to be leaving the country in the next few months for good.

How I wish I had blocked your email address on my spam email and I don't know why, but...I just cried.

I really did love you with all my heart. It was extremely hard to let you go. You were the greatest love of my life thus far, and made such an immense impact on me.

I really do genuinely hope that you'll be happy in the future too, wherever you are.

To ____,

I can't believe I wasted 3 of the best years of my life on you. Back then when I broke up with you, I wish you would have just let me go the first time.