goldensmog

Thank you. I hope you are correct in that things may work out. But she seems so distant right now like she has no care in the world. She is a good mother, but I was also a great father. Everything I did was for the kids. And to have one of them not want to stay with see me for whatever reason is tearing me up inside. I think I could live without her although I don't want too, but not my children. I can forgive her for what she has done because I do love her. But why can't she see what she is doing to the 3 of us?

I believe she is not seeing the op anymore. The thing is she still does not want a separation. She tells me she still loves me, but her counselor told her she must find herself, whatever that means. She calls me crying on the other end from time to time and can't explain why. Her Grandmother died 2 months prior to the affair. She had no closure with her death and it leads me to believe this is may have been what sent her spinning. The problems we had existed before, but her Grandmother dying brought them out of her. The thing is I never even saw it coming. She keeps bringing up things like, well some people get divorced and then remarried down the road, crap like that.

Hello I am new to this forum, but not to the hurt that most everyone is experiencing here. Well here goes. My wife, who is 37, and I who am 41, have been married for 8 years and have two children. A boy who is 6 and a girl who is 3. Just this past August I caught my wife having an affair on me with a co-worker of hers. The day after I found out she set up separate counselors to get to the bottom of why she did it. As it turns out I was labeled with co-dependency. It is a common problem with adults who are raised with an alcoholic parent which I was. I realize I may have put my wife through quite a bit. I did everything in my life for the sake of my wife, children and our house. I built and invisible fence around my house so that no one could change the happiness I thought we had. It didn't want to expose anyone or anything in my life to the elements outside of our family for fear I would jeopardize it. Well look what happened. Anyway, after a few weeks of counseling we agreed to try and make things work. I would work on my co-dependent problem and she would stop seeing the op. Well that worked for about a week and I caught her back with him. Now things are even more complicated. My son, who has been diagnosed with an anxiety problem, is starting to favor staying with mom over me. My wife lives at her moms where there are kids to play with constantly from my wifes sisters marriage. I live alone in our home so I guess I don't have the environment to offer that she does. My sons anxiety which had subsided over the past year has reappeared in a state far worse than before. He keeps telling his mother as well as myself that he wishes we would try and get back together so it is quite obvious whtat his problem is. But it does not seem to phase my wife in the least. I am expecting separation papers anyday now because she says she wants to get out of her moms and into an apartment. She cannot afford an apartment w/o support. I work 3 days on and 3 days off so we were spliting the kids 50/50. My daughter still stays with me on my days of, but my son's days here are few and far between. Right now she comes and goes as she pleases seemingly w/o a care in the world. Should I wait, forget, give up or what to do?

No, She is living with her parents and I live in the house in which we bought and shared in building our lives.

My situation seems so similar to some and yet so different to others. I am 40 years old with 2 young children. After what seemed to be a glorius marriage of almost 8 years, I found out my wife was having an affair with a co-worker 10 years younger. Me, my children and wife, were nothing short of a perfect family, at least I thought. Sure little problems here and there but nothing that I thought was not being resolved. My wifes Grandmother died 3 months ago and many people say this may have spun her into a midlife crisis. During our marriage, I did nothing short of doing everything possible for my kids as well as her. The day after I found out about the affair, my wife set up counseling sessions to try to see if saving the marriage was possible. Everything seemed to be going alright considering the circumstances and then it I caught her back with him again. The books I have read on surviving affairs all seem to point to one thing. There was something lacking in our marriage which allowed her to do what she did. The books also clearly state that the affair she is in now is somewhat of an illusion and that she will wake up someday a very unhappy and depressed woman. During counseling I tried to do everything possible to fill in the voids she was missing. But after 2 weeks she was back with him again. I have not dated anyone since this happened and really don't know how to go forward. I still love her and would probably take her back if I knew she was serious. Please help!