As of yesterday, my boyfriend and I decided that it would be a good idea if we "took a week off" so I can decide whether or not I want to break up.
We've been together for 2 years, and we're very young-- both of our first serious relationships, right off the bat after moving out of our family's houses (I was 17 when we started dating and am 19 now-- he's not much older).
Lately I've been feeling like I need time to be alone and "grow up" a little. I find myself getting very fed up with him frequently, and at the slightest provocation. I am exhausted all the time, and exceedingly so when I'm around him. I can be really mean and condescending sometimes, usually before I notice I'm doing it. I think he deserves to be with someone who will treat him better. Also, I don't enjoy sex like I used to, and haven't for maybe 9 months. It just seems like a chore and more trouble than it's worth-- usually I don't want to, but frequently I do anyway because I feel bad saying no to him all the time and I know it makes him feel bad about himself when I never want to. I try to muster the enthusiasm but sometimes I just can't.
However, I'm still very much in love with him, and he doesn't want to break up, although he says that he wants me to be happy and will accept my decision. I also am not sure I'm ready to give up on it yet, but I'm just so exhausted from trying. People tell me I'm very beautiful and I know I would enjoy being single, but I find it unbearable to think about being with someone else-- especially sleeping with or saying "I love you" to someone else, because I would feel like I am betraying our relationship (whether or not it was over). I know I'm young, but I thought for a long time that I would marry him, and I don't know if I'm ready to let go of that fantasy yet (if it is, indeed, a fantasy).
I am really confused and don't know where I stand at all. Let me clarify that he is a wonderful boyfriend, he cares about me a lot and it would really crush him if we broke up-- but I can't help from feeling that he just doesn't really "get" me. I know that he wants to and wishes he could.
Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me-- I really need it!
