quatre03

Ok, I'm only responding to this because I wanted to delete the whole thing, but can't. So... she told me her real age because she loves me and doesn't want to lie to me. We have already exchanged pictures and seen each other on webcam. She didn't lie to the people at work, they assumed her age. She told me that she asked a couple of them how old they thought she was, and all of them said 30's. Yes, we had planned to meet, but we didn't have anything really decided. But, even if we had, she could have easily gotten away with not telling me the truth. But, she did. I do have feelings for her, and I have thought about the future. But, nothing is concrete right now. In relationships, if you worry too much about the future, it only ruins the present. Btw, she isn't egotistical at all... nor is she manipulative... in truth, she is actually pretty insecure at times. I say that some of you are ignorant, but then I am called ignorant and immature, which I then turn around and say that you are ignorant and immature for saying that. I say that because it seems that you base your "advice" on your experiences. You can't look at someone esle's new situation, and give advice, while still recognizing that you do not know everything about that situation. Some of the things you all have said sounds like you think you know everything there is to know... but, the truth is so far from it. Perhaps you do not actually think that... but, that's how it comes off. I am done now, I will not come here any longer. I asked for reasurrance, and got nothing but the exact opposite, and worse... the woman I love was insulted. I do not feel the need to defend myself to you all. But, I do hope that what I have to say will reach someone else in my situation who has received nothing but scorn and hate, and they will see that they are not alone.

I came here expecting to get just a little reasurance, because I thought there would be some people with good advice. All I've read so far is ignorance. I won't read any more, so don't bother replying... unless you know of a better forum.

You know, I asked for help. That isn't it. Don't you think I've thought of ALL this already??? Also, I don't appreciate you talking that way about her, suggesting there are other guys that she's with, besides me. You do not know her, so do not pass judgement.

Oh, and we haven't met yet in person, although we have talked about it a lot.

I've been "with" a woman, I guess you could say, for a while now. I met her online through a Role Playing game. That was in October of last year. Our characters that we played as started to get interested in each other, but, of course, that led to us really being attracted to each other. We started talking a lot, and fell in love with each other. The thing is, she told me then that she was 31. I was 18 then. Each of us have had out b-days since then, which would have made her 32 and me 19. It took me a while to get used to the idea, but we are so much alike and got along so well. She is married, although she now hates her husband and has been trying to get a divorce. She also has two kids. A 13 year old boy and an 11 year old girl. Last night, she told me that she was actually older than what she told me. I was shocked, but I guess I sort of understood why she had lied. Apparently that was what she told everyone, even at work. She was too afraid to tell me, though. But, today, she told me... she is 25 yeard older than me. Meaning she's 44. To say the least, I am shocked... my mind is spinning. I keep telling myself, she is still the same person, she hasn't changed. But, this is so unexpected. I listen to her crying, and I feel awful. I feel so shallow. But, I can't lie and say that this doesn't affect me at all. I just don't know what to do... I want to just ignore it, I guess. My mind is spinning, and I can barely even think. Can anyone just give me some reassurance?? Anything?

I thought I read somewhere that the husband can be made to pay for the lawyer, if the wife has no money or anything. She is starting a job soon, but won't get paid for a month. She really can't stand him, and really wants him gone. So, does anyone know if there is a way to make the husband pay for the lawyer? Even just part of it? She's thought of doing it herself, all the paperwork, but he's giving her a lot of crap/trouble/(the S word that isn't allowed to be said here) and refuses to cooperate. She has less that $100 of her own. With his paycheck, normally they take out what they need for bills, then split the rest. She uses her half to buy clothes for the kids, groceries, etc. He uses his (as far as she knows) for beer and cigarettes. She's also afraid that once she starts working, he won't give her money anymore. And he isn't the one that pays the bills. So, she wouldn't really be able to save up. If anyone has any advice, please help!

It doesn't really matter what's wrong with him (whish is a lot), she's made her mind to leave him, and that's the important part. He's never really loved her, although he says he does. If you really want an example of him, she told me that when she told him that she was pregnant the first time, all he said was "oh." He controls her, and tries to manipulate her. She's always said that he plays mind games. And, since he makes the money, he uses it as a control over her. This is just a tiny bit of what she's told me. She wants to get the divorce papers to do it herself, but she can't find them for free. She doesn't have the money to pay for the packages that you can get. She's trying to get a job, but doesn't have anything concrete yet. If she does get the job she's trying to get, she won't even get paid until a month after she starts. He has some money, more than her anyways, but won't give it to her and says that he has other things to use it on, instead of the divorce. If anyone has advice on what she can do, to get the papers, or get him to pay for things, please tell me.

Well, one thing I forgot to mention, is that she doesn't really have anyone to stay with. She lives "in the middle of nowhere" and has almost no friends. I asked if she could move in with her parents, even just temporarily, but her brother lives there. There is only one other bedroom in the house, but it's used as storage space for her brother's junk. She's asked him to move out before, but he just won't. And her mom won't make him. There are also issues with her dad, she doesn't want her kids to deal with him. So, the only option is for her to move out or her husband to. But, yeah, the real problem is money, or getting rid of him.

I am posting about a friend's case, because I know she is too shy to do it herself, but she really needs some advice. I'm not sure how long she's been married, I believe about 13 or 14 years. She also has two kids, a girl and a boy. She has told me a lot about her situation, and I really wish I knew what to tell her, but I don't. She told me that she can't stand her husband anymore, and that even her younger child, the girl, can't stand him. She says her son loves him, but at the same time, he's probably getting tired of all the crap. Most of the things (house, electicity, etc) are in her name, I believe. She does not work, however. She has almost no money or any assets. She is looking for a job, but won't be able to get any money, if the job even works out, for a month. She and her husband split his paycheck, taking out enough for bills, and splitting the rest. Recently, however, he has been holding back more of the money, making it hard for her to pay the bills. She told him that she wants a divorce, but she has tried to before, and wasn't able to. He thinks this is just a phase that will pass, but she is definatly serious about this. She lives in Kentucky, and has considered doing all the paperwork herself. She can't pay for a lawyer, but in order for a probono lawyer to help her in any real way, she has to be separated for 60 days. But, he won't move out (although he has threatened to) and she can't, because she has no money. We have both looked for divorce papers so that she could do it herself, but they're always expensive. All I can do is offer her emotional support, because she doesn't even get it from her mom. Everyone thinks this will just pass, but, even from the first time, it never passed. She just never had a way to get out. I wish I had more answers for her, but I don't... so I'm hoping to find some here. If anyone has any advice, please help! -A really concerned friend