Although we may feel alone, we aren't. I've been suffering from depression for 5 years now. I'm a freshman in college and I cry nearly everyday. My depression isn't as bad as it was in high school. My self mutilation has calmed and so have my crying spells. But, they still occur often. I try to sleep the day away so I don't have to deal with people. I literally sleep 12 hours a day. No joke. People piss me off tremendously (not everyone though)! I hate to say it, but it's true. People who drive slowly in front of me, frustrate me, people who walk right in front of me make me want to throw my fists, people who act loud and obnoxious in my classes make me want to scream aloud. I remember one time a friend and I went outside of our dorms and just screamed. It felt good, and afterwards, we laughed. Anyway, I know many of you hate your lives too and try to think that we really do have it better than soooo many others out there. Then ya think, well, there are starving people everywhere and people who don't have the rights we have, then those thoughts just make you feel even worse b/c you know you have it good, yet you are still depressed. If you are a believer in God, God sees all problems as an equal. So, do not ever think your problems are less than anyone else's. But unfortunately, I have that problem. For instance, my boyfriend's parents are getting a divorce and my parents have been married for nearly 33 years. Yet, I cry more than he does, and complain about life more than he does, and then I tell him "You are the one going through a lot worse situation, but I'm always the one crying." He told me that our problems are no worse than each others. In my life, I have two loving parents, a nice college that I'm attending, a great family, some really great friends, a terrific boyfriend, a great mind and body, etc. I am lucky, but I throw all of that away b/c I think I'm ugly, stupid, boring, that I have no talent, etc. I look at my friends, and I'm jealous of them b/c I point out their good qualities and compare them with my bad qualities. Anyway, right now, I am crying so much. I have disconnected my cell phone and my dorm phone and I refuse to answer my away message on AOL because I am being stubborn and I just do not want to talk to anyone that will say "You know, no one will want to be your friend if you continue this attitude..." Who would want to hear that when you are this depressed? Depression is like cancer: there is no cure for it and you can't get rid of it. Depression can start in two ways (in my eyes); either a tragedy can happen in your life (you lose someone, divorce, an illness, etc.), or there is simply just a chemical imbalance in your brain. That's what I have because I had a perfect life growing up; a nice school, a nice and new neighborhood, a loving family, loving friends, I had a swimming career of 14 years, I was active, involved, and I was a happy little kid, etc. Sometimes, God gives people the toughest obstacles in life to teach us something. (Sorry if you are not agreeing with whole God thing...just please let me know in a nice, calm way). But then you think, well why in the hell would He do this to me? Why would He hurt anyone? I don't know the answer to that, but I think that too.
Anyway, I am struggling everyday with depression. If you would like to talk ever, send me a message!