EmotionalWreck

Thought I would give you guys an update on my situation. It has been a while since I have been on so I thought I would let you all know. Since I last posted on here I have gotten a restraining order against Kyle. He was relentlessly calling my cell phone and he eventually found out where I was living and began showing up all the time and harassing me. He doesn't openly harass me anymore but things happen that I know is from him (flowers on my doorstep, windshield wipers missing from my car..twice, greeting card left on my car seat unsigned, etc). Kyle's mother and sister have drug my name through the mud and say that I must have had a boyfriend on the side or why else would Kyle have an affair. I have gotten a new therapist and she is wonderful and supportive. She has really given me a bright outlook on life. I think I am going to get a divorce now. I am sure Kyle and I could never work again. I got a promotion at work and making more money. I have begun paying some rent for the home my friend has been letting me stay in since I left Kyle. He said he doesnt want any money but I insisted. I wouldnt feel right living in his house for nothing. Well that is an update somewhat. I still live in fear of Kyle but I am getting stronger and happier everyday. Thank you all for your support and help when this first happened. I am so glad I found this site and you guys Oh, by the way, the girl that I caught him with that he said was "only once" ? Well I have pictures to prove that she has spent many evenings at my house. Shows what kind of guy I married.

First let me thank everyone for their support and suggestions. You guys have really helped me a lot in this and for that I love you all and thank you. I went back to my therapist this past week and he told me that it is time to start putting my marriage back together and work on healing. I asked him "What if I don't want to put my marriage back together?". He said that I am emotionally weak if i want to walk away from this without giving him a chance to change and to try and forgive him. He went on to tell me that everyone is human and makes mistakes. He asked me"So you have been the perfect wife during your entire marriage?". I got angry then and said "Well no I haven't been the perfect wife but I have NEVER broken ANY of my vows! I have never screwed anyone else since we have been married, or been to lunch or even have any male friends outside of the ones we have together!" I got up and stormed out of the place. He called me later that day and said that I need to work on my hostilities and my emotional health. I said No, all I need is a new therapist. Then I hung up. Wednesday Kyle came to where I work(I knew he would). Well, we got into an argument and they had him escorted out. Then they told me that I needed to take the rest of the day off and find a way to keep my husband away from there. As I was leaving, I noticed that Kyle was following me. I know he was trying to find out where I am living so I drove around for a while then went into the shopping center and went inside a clothing store. I waied until I saw him leave the parking lot then drove around some more then went home. I just don't know what to do anymore. The church that we usually go to called me Monday and asked why I haven't been there. I said well, Kyle and I have been having problems. He said yes we know about that and we are supporting Kyle and praying with him. He is very distraught and could really use your support right now. Remember, for better or for worse. That is when I really got pissed. I said , Yeah, remember also Thou shall not committ Adultery! Then I hung up after telling him I won't be back. About 5 minutes later Kyle called. I didn't answer(i have not answered any of his calls since I moved out). I know Robert was at our house and Kyle put him up to calling me. Guys, I don't know what to do or where to turn. What hould I do right now? I feel so alone and everyone is making me feel like I have done something wrong and not Kyle. What do I do?? Well thanks for letting me vent. I needed to do that. Someone please tell me what to do next. Sherry

Wow Missypal. I hate that you went through all of that too. Why do men have to try to mess around all the time? I love that man more than anyone I have ever loved or known. He is (or was) my whole life. I did everything for him. We talked all the time, went places together, have the same interests, like the same music and movies, even our sex life was great (or at least I thought it was). I just can't understand why he would risk what we had to have a roll in the hay. I seriously doubt it was his first time. I am not use to being cheated on. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Should I change my number now or later? What if he shows up at work? I don't want to risk losing my job. I am just glad we don't have any children. I have wanted children for years now but he wanted to wait. I am glad we did now. I just don't know what to feel or what to do now. Does your ex still call you?

Well I went to the psychiatrist yesterday. basically he told me that I am the type of person that has to have someone in their life all the time. That I need to have someone to cling to and that I am afraid of living life alone and that I have a hard time dealing with conflicts or problems of any kind. I guess he is right in a way but I was the one cheated on! I have another appointment to see him on Wednesday. I just finished moving a house that a friend has allowed me to use for as long as I want. It is nice and near the water. I left Kyle a note and told him that I am moving out for a while, that I need to do some thinking alone. That was Wednesday night. He has called me almost every hour everyday since then on my cell. I haven't answered any of his calls. His mother and sister called me yesterday(I didn't recognize the numbers). They told me that Kyle needed my support right now because HE is having a hard time right now and that this is the time HE needs his wife near him. They said nothing about him screwing around or that HE brought all of this on himself but that I left him at a very bad time. I told them both that I am not the one who broke our vows HE did! I told them that I caught him in the act of having sex with his girlfriend in OUR BED! I hung up on both of them and haven't answered the phone again (they both called back twice). Now I think I will settle in for some serious thinking about my future, where to go from here and how to move on if that is what I decide to do. How long do you think I should go before contacting him or answering his calls? Should I talk to him face to face after I decide what to do or just write him or call him? I just know that he is going to come by my work on Monday. I just feel it. I hope not, I don't want to have to deal with that at work. I want to thank all of you for your advice and support. I love this board and am glad I found it. I just hope I can un-scramble my head soon. Thank all of you again. Write to me. Sherry

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I think I would run like a scalded dog.

Marmala, Missypal, OceanEyes, Lipstick and Kuhl282000. Thank you so much for all the advice you guys gave me! I have received some of the best advice here than I have ever I think. Thank you!! I have an appt. on Friday of this week (May 14) to see a shrink. My husband broke down and cried this weekend and almost all weekend he begged me not to leave him, that it will never happen again, that it was only this one time, etc. etc. I have a friend that offered to let me use a rental home that he has for as long as I wanted rent free, I just have to pay the utilities. I may take him up on it. It is in another town but not too far that I can't get to work on time. I may be able to clear my head a little better if I am alone and able to think without seeing him on a daily basis. It is bad enough to be cheated on but when you catch him in the act of making love to another woman I think that is a little tougher to handle. I will always have that visual image when I see him. I may not be able to forgive him and our marriage quite possibly may not survive but I do still love him. Thank you guys so much for the advice. I know I will survive this even if it looks dark now. I am just so thankful that I have a place like this to come to to vent, cry and just have a shoulder to lean on. Thank all of you so much! Sherry

My husband of 12 years has been having an affair for 3 of those 12 years. I had slight suspicions but wrote them off as being needlessly jealous. This woman works for him at his office and at first I had suspicions but got over it when he told me that there was nothing for me to worry about that he loves me and would do nothing to hurt me. Well I went home early last week from work and a strange car was in the drive. I went in and caught them together in the act of making love. He said it was only one time but I dont believe that. He has been pleading for me to forgive him since that day but all I do is cry I was and am still crushed! I still love him but the sight of him in another woman's arms showing her the attention he should be showing me is hard to get over. I have had ideas of a revenge affair, divorce, seperation, or just leaving. Any other women been in my shoes? I sure could use some advice.