is it love or compassion or infatuation from both sides...

Dear all, am going through a phase wherein i feel 'i have never ever loved anyone like i love her'...but, am not absoultely sure whether it is love or my need for a companion....

its about me(28 yr) and her(21 yr old, but as mature as a 100 yr old) we both are very mature and spiritual.....and have no current romantic relations with anyone.....

she approached me in april 2004. though we live in same apt and she could have told me personaly, she preferred mailing me. her first mail included 'i hope u know i am very fond of u and feel free to ask for help. i know u r living behind walls, but it is more challenging outside and u must try.' i was quite surprised to see her mail...and didn't really know what to make out of them...but, i hold myself back firmly and thanked her for showing concern. she persisted. a common friend and i broke up and i broke up with her as a result. she kept persisting and convinced me not to end out f'ship. in the process i ended up telling quite a lot about my personal problems(i fell in love when i was 15, she had left me when i was 16 and since then i was in depression. it affected my career. and i also didn't have good family support.) withing just 10 days, we opened our hearts to each other...mostly via mails...she also has had a difficult life.(her dad died when she was 12, she was physically abused, fell in love with a married guy who was about to be divorced, but he chose to stay with his wife and their relation ended.). i have been a lesbian all my life. but, i took all her actions purely on friendly basis. then one fine day i just realised that she is in love with me....why else would she mail me(rather than talking to me), why else would she feel so awkward with me, so nervous and her eyes reflect of so much love and respect....as i have never seen before in anyone's eyes....and then i realised that i love her with all my heart....it was a sudden revelation....and i realised we are soulmates....we share a very strong connection..our values, our ideals, our interests matches a lot lot...then she left town...but, still i was not sure whether it is love of just f'ship from her side...so, i can't talk openly...but, i left enough hints in mails confessing my undying love for her...she does'nt write much....and then she returned back....now, my heart was overflowing with love for her....but, i can't even express...she came to hand me over some sweets she had got for me...and ended up talking for an hr...and the topic.....'she wants me to be happy..she can't see me living like this'....while talking she even started crying.....and one day i broke up....as i was feeling that she doesn't love me.....perhaps it is all just in my mind....and then after knowing that she had loved a guy....i was so sure that she must be a hetero...and i didn't want to be hurt...so, i backed out.....she kept persuading me to continue...so v continued....just within 15 days i tired breaking up almost 3 times....and now, it is so crystal clear to me.......i know i love her and i want to spend the entire life with her. i am basically a 'once in a lifetime' kinda person.....it was my ex for last 14 yrs though i have not seen her in last 12 yrs......and now it is her....forever.....can never ever express how much i love her....and i want to give all the happiness in the world.....u knw....be her father.....be her companion....be her friend......be her inspiration....and similarly i need her love...her encouragement...her support.......

but, before 3 days she broke up..saying there is no basic understanding...i told her she is jumping to conclusions...we must try adn explore and learn about each other....she also told i'm rushing..and she is a slow person....so, i told her fine....as you say....lets minimize our interactions....meet just once in a month in the open space....and all tht...but, this time she didn't budge....and after a flurry of mails lastly she wrote to me 'this is not the right time for anything between us. v were perhaps supposed to touch each other's life for this brief period. beyond which the purpose might be lost. my silent support will be always with u...for now i am breaking this relation....it is time for things to be silent now'.......and i told her 'anything you want.....we will have silence'......

this is what has been happening.....i don't understand as to why she is backing out.....what is going in her mind? is she avoiding as she is getting strong vibes that i am gettin attracted towards her and there is no genuine love??.....or is it coz she herself is strongly pulled towards me and hence wants to maintain distance??....or is it that she doesn't love me??....or is she still emotionally involved with the ex-bf....or is she apprehensive of getting into a lesbian relation......why is she backing out??? her eyes reflect so much of love.........and she keeps herself physically so far from me...and i am not loking for sex.....i can wait for that for 10 years also....i just want to be with her.....live life with her...know her......be her friend......and it is getting so difficult for me to stay far away from her.....and she has not given any tentative idea as to how long she will stay far........

i have already put in so much of emotions and dreams into this rel......if after making me wait and wait....she ditches me....i will die......we have not directly confessed our love for each other.....both have been very subtle....and she also told me once 'just coz the way v express feelings is different doesn't mean our feelings are different. i feel as intensely for u as u do'......

what do i do?? how long do i wait? i want to give her so many gifts....but, i am afraid she would get irked....do i give her gifts? i want to bring the world to her feet....and she is asking me to stay away......

and also is my love true love or is it just my need to be compassionate towards people......or am i falling for her as she showed so much of concern for me.......i am so confused......about her and my feelings....i mean i don't want to hurt her...or make her unhappy in any sense....so, i woudl prefer if i am wrong and she is right......that is the extent of my feelings and i tend to blindly listen to whatever she has to say.....

but i myself feel that it is love from both sides....just that conventional wisdom might have stg else to say..and hence i need your views...how long do i wait....and when and how do i approach her?