Mind Games?

Hello everyone and thank you for any advice you can give. I'm a 31 year old woman who met a man online who is 53. We have now known each other for over two months I have grown to care/love him and he says he loves me also. When we first described ourselves to each other over the net he told me he was 26. Two weeks later after intense conversation and sharing on my part he tells me he is really 53. Let me explain that when I met him I was at an impass in my life about some major issures. He said he wanted to help me to be honest with myself and get me out of my depression over these situations. He didn't want to share too much of himself with me because he wanted me to focus on me until he thought I was ready to learn about him. He is very intelligent and wise and I grew to trust him. Until I found out he had lied to me about his age. At that point he showed me a picture of himself and explained that if I didn't want to talk to him anymore he would understand. I continued to have a computer and phone relationship with him and now he wants me to move to be with him (2400 miles away). We have never met in person but have exchanged pictures. He seems to be honest with me about many things but sometimes I think he plays games with my head and then denies it. And many times I notice he says things that are condescending and we have powerstruggles because I don't like to be treated like a child. Many times we have had arguments because I feel he changes the subject of an argument every 10 seconds when I am trying to find a solution to our problems. I have noticed people who do this are using it as a diversion or to play mind games. He is very generous to me and can be very loving and supportive but I am afraid of moving far away and getting into a situation with a man who is controlling and condescending but never admits it. He says when I get there everything will be very different because I will see he has only good intentions for me but I know people can tell you what you want to hear and this scares me. I don't want to be the fool. I have been there with men before. He has paid for two plane tickets for me so far and the first time I chickened out. He has even scheduled a vacation for us as soon as I get to him. I want to trust him but I am so afraid. Am I nitpicking? Please help me!!! What does it mean that he changes the subject of our conflicts?

You've never even MET this man and you're considering moving in with him? Good grief, woman! If you have THAT many doubts as to his character before even meeting him, you'd be in a WORLD of trouble once you packed up your life! I'm guessing that you have more common sense than to do so.

I would really think about this relationship. If you're not getting straight answers about the things that matter to you, and can't have a civil conversation about the problems you're having without him avoiding it like the plague, how do you think that's going to change? What a crock......why should it be different once you move there? Not to mention that you've spent NO time with him face-to-face.....it would be insanity to even CONSIDER living with him until you can get to know him personally. And I'd really have to wonder why a man was so desperate to move in someone he'd never met......doesn't that seem rather odd to you, as well?

Have him come for a visit......if he expects you to pack up and move there, then he can at LEAST make the initial gesture of coming for a visit and MEETING you, don't you think? Not to mention that he felt the need to lie to you right off the bat....NOT a good start in any relationship.

Think about this carefully before you put another foot forward, is all I can say!

Mar

You've never met him! Sorry, but you need to get a grip in reality. I'm sure you are going through tough times to even be considering this move, but I'm here to tell you that you did the right thing in asking for some help. I can tell you that you should not, even for a moment, consider moving. I can tell you that moving would be a horrible mistake. I don't need to know you or the details any more than what you've told me. As a matter of fact, I'm going to take it a step further: End the relationship.

What kind of person asks someone to move in with him when he has never met them? This guy is obviously in need of some help.

You already are discribing arguments.. confusion.. lies... and you haven't even met him yet.. and you are honestly considering moving to be with him?! Forget it! Get this guy out of your life.

Angel please contact me. I seriously think we have the same guy. Email please.