Not interested vs Shy? What is the difference?

You all seem educated in this. I honestly want to know....

what the difference between someone not interested and someone that is shy and interested?

your tips would be helpful?

Am i the only one that thinks they are the same?????

In my opinion, with some exceptions, the difference is that a shy man might take longer to ask the woman out on a date than a man who is not shy. If he is that painfully shy that he is not able to ask a woman out on a date, even if she shows him (or tells him) she is interested in dating him, then most likely he is not emotionally available to be in a dating relationship. That's not a forever thing - he can choose to work on that, get help, etc. but that is up to him and depends what his priorities and goals are.

Often women tell each other that a man who is not asking a woman out is interested just "too shy" or "intimidated". Most of the time the reality is that the man is not interested in dating the woman (but he might be interested in being friends, hooking up, or flirting with her or some combination) and much of the time he is not really shy, just not interested. Or, he is shy, but is not willing to put in the effort to ask the woman out (ie. overcome his fear of rejection, his fear of social situations) which means he may be interested but not sufficiently interested in dating the woman.

most of the time if you are forward with a shy person they will come out a little easier. if you do that to someone who isn't interested - theyll still act the same.

I think a shy guy will still make an initiative where a disinterested guy will not. A shy guy might not boldly approach you and ask you out, but he might send a text, write you a note, ask you to hang out with friends, etc. Even shy guys get it together enough to make a move, in my experience.

The first point you made sounds convincing. True almost. I don't know, I just get very confused. They throw mixed signals, so i don't know exactly what to think. Is it worth it in the end?

Maybe.

Not interested people tend to avoid you, shy but interested people tend to put themselves in proximity to you but never approach you. For example, if a person at your work from another department is not interested in you, you will hardly see them around and when you do it will be by coincidence just like everyone else. If a person at your work from another department is interested in you but shy, you will bump into them often (they will put themselves physically in proximity to you naturally because they are interested) but will never approach you because of the shyness. Anyways, I think this is a sketchy example because it's sometimes really difficult to differentiate between the two.

Not interested people tend to avoid you, shy but interested people tend to put themselves in proximity to you but never approach you. For example, if a person at your work from another department is not interested in you, you will hardly see them around and when you do it will be by coincidence just like everyone else. If a person at your work from another department is interested in you but shy, you will bump into them often (they will put themselves physically in proximity to you naturally because they are interested) but will never approach you because of the shyness. Anyways, I think this is a sketchy example because it's sometimes really difficult to differentiate between the two.

That is why I asked. It's confusing to really tell the difference!

Uninterested people aren't interested. Shy people may be very interested but so deathly afraid of rejection, that they freeze and can't do anything about it no matter how badly they want it.

I used to be shy when I was like 16. My gf at the time got ill cause I wouldn't (or couldn't) make a move so she jumped on me one day and kissed me and then we made out. That killed all shyness, like instantly with her...haha!

It's simple. Uninterested people will reject any of your advances (eg, talking, touching). Shy people will eventually warm up to your advances, though it may take a while.

When you interact with them, their body language should help tell the difference.

It's simple. Uninterested people will reject any of your advances (eg, talking, touching). Shy people will eventually warm up to your advances, though it may take a while.

 

When you interact with them, their body language should help tell the difference.

This is completely true.

Not interested people tend to avoid you, shy but interested people tend to put themselves in proximity to you but never approach you. For example, if a person at your work from another department is not interested in you, you will hardly see them around and when you do it will be by coincidence just like everyone else. If a person at your work from another department is interested in you but shy, you will bump into them often (they will put themselves physically in proximity to you naturally because they are interested) but will never approach you because of the shyness. Anyways, I think this is a sketchy example because it's sometimes really difficult to differentiate between the two.

I don't think this is true. I have a shy guy who acts very interested, then something will happen or someone will say something that shakes him up and he will avoid me and I mean avoid to the point of taking the long way home so he doesn't have to drive past my house. Then, he will get over it and be all interested again.

In my experience, I can always tell when someone is interested. There is a feeling that I get and I just know. Shy guys might seem like they are not interested because they aren't all in your face telling you that you're hot, but you will still get that feeling of interest. Their actions (may be subtle) will still show their interest. Guys who are not interested are friendly, but indifferent, you won't get that vibe. A lot of times, their eyes give them away. I guess it is more of an intuitive feeling.

The first point you made sounds convincing. True almost. I don't know, I just get very confused. They throw mixed signals, so i don't know exactly what to think. Is it worth it in the end?

Maybe.

The only signal I find relevant is when the man asks the woman out on a date - if the question is "is he interested in going on a date with me" - if the question is "is he interested in flirting with me" or "does he find me attractive" then there are "signals" to be able to tell that - but trying to analyze "signals" or level of interest is a waste of time because if he is interested in dating you, he will ask you out on a date.

...because if he is interested in dating you, he will ask you out on a date.

Batya, we've disagreed about this several times in other discussions...

Speaking as a shy man ( and as a friend of many shy men ), there are lots of shy men who will never make the first move, no matter how much they like the woman. Sometimes waiting years without making their true feelings known.

With my 2nd LTR ( 7 years ), I asked her out, but only after having dinner with her ( as part of a group cycling club ) every Friday night for 3 months, and then I was only able to ask her when we were completely alone at the end of the night.

...The only way to tell the difference between a man who is shy and one who is indifferent, is to make the first move ( i.e. let them know how you feel about them in very plain language ) and always talk to them when you are alone.

( shy men will go into "auto-pilot" mode when there are other people are around, and will appear as if they don't care at all )

She speaks the truth.

And at Batya, I don't know. I think shy guys give off certain things that make them seem uninterested. I have no idea why, but thats just how it is.

You can ALWAYS tell when they are, with shy guys. I get that 'feeling'. Even if they are avoiding me. The thing about it is, if they really weren't interested and they knew where I would be and what time of day, why would they bother coming anyway? I noticed with my shy guy, he is always at the same place I am. I made myself realize if he wasn't into me, he wouldn't be here. Period. Because I am 100% certain there are other places to go and study. You just get that feeling. Despite what others like you seem to say. My shy guy seems to just stare and do things when people are around so that I can approach. he will never come to me. Maybe he'd be around me, but he'd never do anything except stare/glance my way. But when we are alone, he acts nervous and at times welcoming. I know when a guy is into me and I know when he is not..

My guy is. I'll admit at times it is VERY confusing But you gotta stick in there.

always talk to them when you are alone.

Thats true. I found it easier to do this. Because when alone, you see the difference. His actions reveal the truth.

I'm with ya girl! I'm sticking it out as well and I will tell you why. Every time I don't listen to my gut, I get screwed. My gut is telling me that this guy is very much worth having patience with. He makes me laugh even when I want to cry. The way that he looks at me, talks to me, listens to me, and laughs at my not so humorous jokes. When we are out, he always has one eye on me, making sure I'm okay, I have a drink and then he makes sure I get home safe. We are hanging out as friends right now. I'm certain that one day he will take a deep breath and face his fears.

If I'm not interested

Little to no eye contact from a distance. I'll make eye contact only not to be rude in acknowledging her presence.

If I have a feeling she'll approach to ask me out (aggressive type) I will avoid her consistently.

If we do end up talking and I don't think she'll try to ask me out I'll treat her polity as any other person. I'll be my usual self and my social skills will be unaffected.

If I am interested

I'll be my usual self and when she walks in the room I'll act awkward, "stiff," out of place and look like a deer in headlights.

If we talk I'll blush easily, I'll be fidgety, clumsy and nervous. Basically social skills tank badly and I can't say much if I'm uncomfortable. I won't flirt or hit on her at all. ever. PERIOD. If I do say something flirtatious or slightly sexual on accident I'll turn redder than a fire truck....

I'll be staring at her alot and when she tries to catch me I'll suddenly find the odd spot on the floor VERY interesting.

When I talk to her I won't say her name to catch her attention.

If I remember details extremely well from a conversation we had 3 months ago it isn't an accident lol!

*Actions that seem misinterpreted*

I'll avoid her in uncomfortable settings but the key difference is I'll always reappear to stare at her from afar some more lol!

If I give off the vibe that I can't stand you... not even your presence; it isn't because I hate you, more like I really really like you.

-Jake

You all seem educated in this. I honestly want to know....

what the difference between someone not interested and someone that is shy and interested?

 

your tips would be helpful?

Am i the only one that thinks they are the same?????

As BMP mentioned, a lot of it I think has to do with body language. Being someone who was once painfully shy in social situations, I know what it was like to be in the "shy" category. I would fidget, get nervous, lose my concentration, maybe even sweat. I don't consider myself an extravert by any means, but I can look at both sides now.

If I was trying to flirt with girl/woman and was shy, then I'd probably speak with more hesitation instead of just laying it out there. I might get tense, loosing my sense of relaxation. On the flip side, being not so shy but not interested in someone, I'd intentionally steer any conversation to the friends zone category and not initiate. I guess it would also depend partly on the context, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I wasn't interested unless circumstances (i.e. if I already had a girlfriend/was seeing someone) made it appropriate drop a "not interested" bomb.

I tend to make up excuses for guys when they don't contact me, stuff like 'maybe they're busy', 'maybe they're shy', 'maybe they're intimidated', etc.

However, a couple of nights ago me and my sister were having this in-depth conversation about these things, because I was pretty upset about some guy that I was interested in. She said to never think of yourself as an exception.. and to listen to your inner voice. Cos the busy and shy thing can be bu11sh!t, of course there're the so-called exception but if a guy is interested then he would at least do something about it. Just think of it biologically - guys are 'hunters', they go after what they want - they're really that simple. We women think way too much and give them excuses.

But of course, very shy guys do exist.. in this case, rather than thinking too much, I would try to ask him out to see how he responds. Then you will know. However, many times it's obvious as to how someone feels, just by merely interaction... Do an experiment like, bump into him and say 'oh I'm just heading for a coffee, oh you wanna join?'. And then you will know.

I've tried that. This guy just said he's busy, didn't have time etc. Then I thought, what bu!!sh1t, if you're interested then you will come no matter how busy you are.

I'm pretty insensitive.I never knew when a shy guy liked me,from my experience.

I'm pretty insensitive.I never knew when a shy guy liked me,from my experience.

Many people wouldn't know, even if "sensitive" - but if the man asks the woman out for a date, then she knows he wants to date her - no need to try to read signals, tea leaves, etc.

I must say, this is exactly how my shy acts. Especially the last part.

Just think of it biologically - guys are 'hunters', they go after what they want - they're really that simple.

This is totally true for the alpha male types, but not so much when it comes to the average guy, and definitely not at all when dealing with shy men.

This is totally true for the alpha male types, but not so much when it comes to the average guy, and definitely not at all when dealing with shy men.

agreed.

I remember when I was younger, there was this guy i only knew he had a crush on me because everyone told me, and he made it obvious.

he would never ever ever speak to me. I'd always catch him staring at me when we were outside hanging with friends, everyone but him would come and speak to me. Im not sure how, but somehow we exchanged emails and.... a 3 months later, he told me he loved me.

LOL!