me_or_them

thank you so much for that persepctive. If I do decide to remove myself from he gay community. I'm not going to kid myself into beleiving that I will suddenly become sexualyl attracted to women. you are right I would have to be open and upfront with someone, as I tend to be with when communicating with potentially datable people. Do you think that I would be able to (with a woman) have the kind of relationship Im lkg for that is not going to bring about hardship and heartache? or will the fact that im gay be ahinderance to such a relationship? Am I kidding myself in thinking that its possible. .. I just dont know at this point. The last thing I would want to do is cause someone hurt and anguish in my search for a mate. Thinking of that I have to ask if I shouldnt just give up on ever finding a mate and relationship that is rewarding, loving and supportive. Especially if all I'm going to find are shallow, supeficial gay men that care only for how I look on their arm, and not what kind of person I am. Are women truly different in what they look for in a mate? Maybe my perspective of the women I know is tainted by the fact Im gay. Maybe they behave and think differnently if they are contemplating a relatiosnhip with a str8 man.

Im confused about these responses. Why is the other's like of "chunky" people considered controlling? "I just want to have nice pecs and a 6 pack" why? that to me is superficial... all a 6 pac shows is you have no body fat. It doesnt convey strength nor does it convey health. it shows the opposite. body fat is essential. So this posters desire to conform to gay body image is good? I'm sorry but this shows quite well the overwhelming superficiality that most gay men are completely absorbed with. There is nothing wrong with liking people that do not comform to an ideal body image.

I'm hoping that by posting this I can find another gay man that is contemplating dating women in the hopes of developing a relationship based on caring, honesty, love and sharing. I have been out for a long time, didnt have much issue with it. I didnt behave as though I wanted to jump into the fist relationship that came my way, because I wanted to explore my sexuality. get to know people, and live as a single man get to know mself and my needs before trying to become involved in an emotional relationship with someone. I have had a few relationships all of which have ended after 1.5 years. I have no idea why they have all ended after the same time period.. the reasons have all been differnet, from cheating, to falling out of "love" if you can call it love after a year. to just growing apart. I'm at the point now where I believe Im aware of my needs, my wants, and my ability to offer someone a loving, caring and supportive relationship. However, I'm finding it very VERY hard to meet any gay men that are willing to get to know me. It seems from my perspective, that all they seem to care about is what you look like, (body and face included) your money, and/or job. No on has been willing to get to know me beyond the physical. It's been so frustrating that I am at the point where I'm wonderng if it would not be better to find a mate from the opposite sex. Of all the women I know both gay and straight, have always been able to look beyond the physical and superfiial parts of the person they choose to become emotionally involved with. I know that may not be indicative of all women, but at least they seem to actually take the time and energy to get to know someone before they decide on whether or not they would make suitable mate. I have met a ew couples consisting of a gay man and lesbian woman who got together so they could have children while maintaining other relationships. Is it wrong of me to be thinking of dating woman so I could possibly find a loving relationship? So that I can have some hope in having someone with me later in life. If I'm gay does my partner HAVE to be a gay man? I know some would say that I want a friend then, but thats not the case I do have friends and some very close friends that I would gladly sacrifcie my own life for. However, I want/need/desire/hope for a partner whom I can trust, talk to, hold, be held by, share my htoughts and idea with not mater how nut ball and out in left field. Someone w ho knows me, who can appreciate what I have to offer in terms of a partner. Someone to come home to and find support in. I dont think I'm asking too much. Im not finding gay men to be very open to real relationships. I appears from me point of view, that most are always looking for the next best thing, the prettier face, the hhottest body, the perffect job the perfect person. Or is it me? am I really that god awfuly ugly ? Do I have an odor that is so offensive to other gay men they couldnt possilbe want to get to know me beyond a couple chats online? I'm becoming more bitter, and somewhat angry about it. Should I be as shallow and superficial in my partner hunt? onyl lkg for mr perfect body, perfect face ? without getting to know the person? Im not sure what to do... I dont want to hermitize myself, but Im so ready to renounce this entire gay thing and become one of those closested gay men that marry women and suck * * * * in the parks. I dont necessarily want to be partnered for te sake of being partnered, I want to meet and get to know someone that I cna share a life with. share the hard times, the good times, the trials the tears, the laughter.. If anyoneone else has thought of this pls pls let me know. I would love to know what you have done, or thought of , or havent done and why? I'm on the verge of removing myself from the gay community completely, I dont want to become more bitter and I certainly dont want to become a self hating homo. But Im not sure I have much more time to wait and hope that Ill find that one gay man that would be able to truly get to know me before they decide im not pretty enough. i guess that line does say it all or does it? Thing is Im not ugly. I dont have a gym bod, I have a decent job, which I really like. I have a good family that is supportive and loving. I am a godo listener, fiercly loyal, loving and open. hmmm Perhaps this too will get me no where. Maybe the gay community really is as shallow and superficial. Perhaps it is me. Maybe I wasnt meant to be partnered, perhaps I wasnt meant to be at all./ Im an oddity and outcast within the gay community. or at least that is how it feels. Am I alone in this?