TeeDee

Lots of people do flakey things. IMO randomly reaching out to an EX who was short term to begin with years later is flakey. She might but who cares? Why would you want her to? She probably won't. Because she knows things weren't great. You also weren't together all that long. You aren't one of her nearest & dearest. About two years after we broke up the father of my EX died. That EX & I lived together for 10 years. The parents lived with us for 6 months before the mom died of cancer. I had cared for the mom during her last days. When she had been healthier that EX & I had often visited their house in another state. We'd spent many holidays together. I reached out to that EX then to offer my condolences because I genuinely liked the father. Ten years later when my parents died, he reached out. We run in a lot of the same professional circles which is how we both knew of the deaths. In those instances, reaching out wasn't random. The interactions were also polite & short. I haven't talked to that guy in 10 years at this point.

You can't maneuver through this. It's not your issue. It's hers. You can't change anything. It doesn't appear she wants to. It probably won't get better. No matter what you do, she will always find fault. There is some chance that she may grow up but how long are you willing to wait for that?

You are never going to forget. That is an unrealistic goal. Instead you want to get to a point where remembering hurts less.

Everybody has different ways of doing domestic chores. I joke all the time that my husband doesn't really live in our house because after our kitchen remodel in 2015 he rarely puts pots & pans away where they belong. I also don't like the way he folds towels. It's human nature. You are not a burden. With respect to the pots & pans, I hate doing dishes. While your system of loading the big things in the dishwasher & washing the small ones has some merit, her objection is more practical. Dishwashers rarely do a good job on pots & pans. She simply wants them to be clean which may not happen in a dishwasher.

Do a pros & cons list. See what the cold facts tell you

Based upon your history that I gleaned from other posts, the problem is you have no experience. In your early teens when most kids were learning how to flirt you didn't do that. Now as an adult you have no idea how you should act & you probably can't recognize the signs when somebody is flirting with you. You don't have to be on the apps but you do have to make eye contact, laugh at jokes & be approachable. It's a skill This is a little different but in my 20s I gorgeous guy I worked with complained all the time that woman just didn't notice him. That made no sense to me, so I agreed to go to a nightclub with him as friends. My BF came along so it wasn't that this guy was interested in me. On the short walk from the front door to the bar I clocked no fewer than 7 women checking him out. He did not notice a one. I had to point out these woman out to him. As the night wore on, my BF assured him that at least 2 women that he talked to could probably be persuaded to have a ONS if he played his cards right. The guy, my buddy, had no idea. We did this again the following weekend. About 2 months later on his own he met the woman who is now his wife. They have been married for 20+ years.

Oh dear. I am so sorry you put yourself in this position. Tip going forward, don't be the friend. That rarely turns into romance. If things are not going your way at the 8 week mark, give up. At this point you have to give up on her. She knows you like her. She doesn't return those romantic feelings. She thinks you are perfectly nice & was probably being truthful when she said you have a beautiful soul. What that means is she has zero romantic or sexual interest in you. Sorry. Disconnect. Engage in some hard to hear self talk & direct your energies elsewhere so that 8 wasted years don't turn into 9 or 10.

You certainly don't have to make an IG to date. If somebody won't date you because you don't have this social media platform, be thankful that such a superficial person not worth your time self selected out of your life, no effort required on your part. If you think you are missing out, throw up a photo & don't update regularly but check after you give the info to someone. You will have something to give these people who ask & point to connect without a lot of effort. Even if it is a creepy stalker dude there won't be much there for them to glom onto.

MrNobody I am sorry she did that to you but I hope this experience teaches you a few things: 1. You are not Nobody. You are a person who deserves civility. 2. She was showing low interest from the outset. People like that are not to be counted on. 3. You can trust your gut. You knew something was off.

Trust your gut. Like you said you already gave her a chance but the behavior didn't stop. Sounds like she is homesick & you are an OK BF for now but long term she most likely wants to go home.

You can't be a good friend to him because you want more. Be a good friend to yourself & put a LOT of distance in here. He's using you for NSA sex & that's hurting you. If he cares about you he will not come knocking. At most all you have to do is be polite if you randomly run into each other, unplanned.

She is not willing to hang out with you because you have an agenda. You don't just want to spend time with her as friends. You are an orbiter. You hope that by spending time together she will develop feelings. She knows this ploy & wants no part of it. She's torn because she does like you as a person & you do participate in activities that she finds interesting but she also doesn't want to lead you on. She knows that you are a hopium addict & that you will interpret her spending time with you as a sign that she wants more, when she's made it clear that she has zero romantic interest in you. In military parlance, at best you have a yellow light but mostly it's red & it's never going to be green. You need to find other women to hang out with & date. What are you doing to broaden your social circle? Can you go hang out or volunteer at an American Legion? They will have lots going on for Memorial Day.

It's going to take some time, more than 4 weeks. As much as you aren't motivated to do things because you are sad, push through that & do something. Go for a walk. Clean your house. Do anything because movement & keeping busy are the best antidotes for what ails you. When you find yourself thinking about the EX acknowledge the thought & then consciously push it away. It's like changing the subject in a conversation only it happens inside your own head.

Some people don't want to hear the negatives & like to complain. You know she's one of them but since she was your only friend & you had some laughs it will be hard without her. You can try harder to apologize but then you will be back putting up with her drama. Instead maybe make some more effort to enlarge your social circle. Do you know anybody interesting in your field? Can you reach back to a HS or college buddy? Is there anybody in your building / neighborhood that looks interesting? Can you join something that interests you to meet like minded people?

Recognizing the problem or in your case the potential for a problem is a great 1st step in avoiding it. Check in with yourself periodically & ask if you feel like you are being parented in the relationship. If no, carry on. If yes, change something.