You Can Be Friends, But It Won't Be Easy

We live in a society that increasingly tells us that relationships with people should be either purely platonic or deeply romantic. The idea that we can truly be friends with a person of the opposite sex without some underlying romantic component has become so stigmatized that many of us may have trouble even begin to comprehend what true friendship looks like.

If you’re at the point in your life where you’re questioning if you can have a real and meaningful connection with someone relevant to the opposite sex without having it devolve into romance, the answer is yes – but it won't be easy. This is because a successful friendship like this take emotional effort and more than anything else, it takes mutual respect and trust.

The biggest obstacle for many people when entering into a cross-gender friendship is the uncertainty about expectations. Some of us may feel insecure about our choices and order in regards to our friend, because the associated conditioning from our culture often leads us to assume that the relationship must inevitably lead to something more. This can put a strain on any potential friendship as one party may unintentionally expect more out of the other than simply good company.

To ensure that we don’t ruin a potentially good relationship, not least with all the feeling of uncertainty and ambiguity that accompanies such ever-evolving friendships, both parties must make a conscious effort to keep their intentions and exchanges open and honest. Successful transcending of gender roles in a friendship begins by removing all notion of wanting to create a romantic chemistry between each other.

As friendship involves an element of risk, where some of us may end up compromising parts of our identity in pursuit of it, it can also be beneficial to limit physical contact such as hugs until both of you are absolutely certain about the nature of the connection you share. Hanging out with a same-sex friend and talking mostly about work or school can be a sensible way to start a sequence leading to an evolving friendship, while continuously building trust and establishing boundaries.

Once you've begun the conversation, the next and most important step is to find the areas of common interest and stay alert for the tiny sparks of understanding that will determine whether you and your friend are drawn closer together. Don't try too hard, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, and don’t create expectations; friendship needs the right amount of push and pull to establish balance accordingly.

If you have made genuine attempts towards building a friendship with someone who doesn't share the same views and beliefs as you, it would help to check if they understand your perspective and respect your choices. Though difficult, it’s important not to draw lines or form judgments just yet. Also, it's helpful to remember that great communication can go a long way in preserving any kind of friendship and feelings of connection.

Remember, with virtually any relationship, be it between genders or otherwise, there will always be the possibility of conflict. To avoid hurt feelings or further misunderstanding, having honest conversations about understanding and respecting one another is key to any growing, successful bond.

Forging a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection with another person regardless of genderis a beautiful thing, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Though it may pose its own unique challenges, a meaningful friendship based on mutual trust and respect is achievable. All you need to do is take the time to build it.