Emotional Mastery, a Key to Alleviating the Pain of Gift Giving

Gift-giving, an act of goodwill and generosity, has become more complex and fraught with confusion in today’s culture. It often requires an emotional intelligence not required in prior generations. The trend of ‘keeping up with the Joneses' in gift giving only adds stress to any given event. Those with an overly sensitive nature often grapple with how much is ‘enough’ or ‘too little’ when it comes to gift giving. But, with a bit of emotional mastery, this potentially devastating situation can be averted and robust relationships restored.

Having an understanding of one’s own emotional makeup is critical to any relationship success. Awareness of the internal emotions and reactions create a foundation for emotional intelligence and thus peace of mind. Oversensitivity to the perceived perception of a partner’s response to a gift can poison the entire sentiment exchange. Couples often react negatively to the slightest indication of disappointment or insenstivity. Even worse, each partner thinks they have the other ‘figured out’ and know what the preferred gift is. This false assumption often falls apart when gifts are bought and dispensed.

The emotionally intelligent are aware of their emotional triggers, communication style and have a trusting nature when it comes to gift giving. They view gifting not as scratching the surface of a momentary expression of joy; but, rather the culmination of a larger connection in the relationship. To do this, the emotionally intelligent look to deeper connections, shared memories, and past experiences when picking out a gift. A gift represents security and comfort rather than simply impressing or looking ‘good’.

People who overreact to gift-giving may not have had any bad experiences in the past but they will still be stressed out. Being concerned about what your partner perceives can be stressful, especially if you do not know the right gift to give. Fortunately though, it’s possible to change this reaction by understanding yourself and your partner better.

Surprisingly, those that have difficulty affording many gifts have the most evolved mindset around gift giving. They understand what it means to experience true happiness, appreciation and trust. Because their wallet is limited, they opt for things that will bring lasting value to the relationship – like setting up a date night or cooking together - as opposed to buying chotchkies or gathering dust. These types of gifts often take away the awkwardness of expectation or comparison of 'value' and go directly toward strengthening the bonds between two people.

Emotional education should also be applied. This gives each partner an increased ability to prcess the giver’s intent behind a gift, instead of focusing on their own reactions. Givers should not take a partner’s negative reaction personally; conversely the gifted should strive to understand the gifts better, focusing not on how the gesture could’ve been done better, but how it could be embraced. An emotionally intelligent person understands that being vulnerable and open hearted, even if a gift is not equal in ‘value’, amplifies true understanding and strengthens the bond.

Gifts are thought to represent tangible symbols of love and understanding , but often their enduring impressions go so much deeper than that. People that exhibit a high degree of emotional intelligence are able to successfully find understanding in the messages their partners are subconsciously sending. A gift, regardless of its size or cost, wholeheartedly signals a wish for connectedness and contentment, something most people yearn for, for iverlasting peace and joy.

Being emotionally intelligent provides people with a sense of fulfillment and connection in all aspects of life, especially when it comes to gift-giving. With an awareness of their triggers, an understanding of their partner, and an appreciation for the intangible reasons behind gifts , these seekers can remain calm and focused when creating meaningful gestures that promote real, positive change in their relationships.