Realizing Our Childhood Scripts – Unravelling The Unseen Stresses

When we think about our childhoods, we often remember the good times— the christmas mornings, family summer getaways and afternoons spent outside with friends. But what about the bad? We may remember unkind words put down by parents or hardships we faced in school, but usually don't realize the long-term impacts these issues can have. Unfortunately, when it comes to these negative experiences, they’re not just memories tucked away in the past— they leave a lasting imprint on our brains that inform how we navigate the future.

That’s because as children, each time something upsetting happened, we developed expectations— ‘scripts’— of how similar events could go wrong in the future. Our brains tell us that if this happened before, it’ll probably happen again. We make decisions to protect ourselves, believing that if something hurtful occurred then, it might too this time. We may be unbeknownst to our tendencies to operate under the influence of such expectations and experience the stress they bring, even if nothing else is going wrong.

It’s easy to think of scripts as a purely personal issue, but such mental roadblocks present a much bigger problem. Without recognizing the effect old stories have on our lives, we may not even understand why we make certain choices. For instance, a person may keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, not realizing that their decision is rooted in an old script of never having enough parental attention or friendship as a child.

Interestingly, we often pass such underlying scripts onto the people around us. Quite unaware of our difficulties, we may expect people to act similarly to our parents and be disappointed when they don’t meet the standard. Especially in our relationships, conversations take on a strange slight, as if no one can reach the assumed target comments or conversations can become arguments when nothing is explicitly said.

It’s important for us to learn to acknowledge the scripts we’ve internalized from our past, but how can we effectively do so? First, take time to explore yourself honestly and critically. Every time you feel yourself judging someone else or expecting someone to react a certain way, pause and consider what may be causing those feelings. Mindfully reflect on past experiences and situations, paying close attention to the emotions that came up.

It’s also wise to get help from a trained professional, who can help guide you through understanding and rationalizing your triggers. It helps to talk to someone who can provide an unbiased opinion and create a safe space for opening up without judgment. Going through this process can be difficult, but as long as you’re patient, understanding, and willing to make changes, you’ll start feeling the positive effects of healing.

We should be aware of the “scripts” from our childhood, but there isn’t much use worrying over them. If we can both accept those scripts and find new strategies for our current lives, we can shift our perspectives to healthier mentalities. by being mindful of our triggers and honest with ourselves, we can take power back om our childhood scripts, giving us the autonomy to lead less stressful and more rewarding lives.