Facing the Death Knell: Why Breaking Up Was So Hard

Why being dumped was harder than breaking up

Dating can be an incredibly difficult experience. Whether it’s from the fear of commitment or loneliness, relationships can often come and go without much warning. But when it comes to seeking closure or finding a sense of acceptance, nothing can prepare a person for the feelings that are elicited by being on the “breaking up” side of things. Weighing even heavier than being on the receiving end of a love tap out is the excruciating nature of facing the idea that someone you care about isn’t interested in continuing the give-and-take of a successful bond. It’s a crushing reality that I never wanted to explore in my life, but unfortunately it landed on my doorstep one too many times.

It would be lethal to not at least acknowledge the pain felt by being told your partner doesn’t or won’t want to try any harder to work it out. But I believe the death knell of a relationship is more of a numbness to the answers that are revealed. Crashing like a wave against an unguarded shore, you find yourself contending with an argument that once meant everything, and now in its emptiness, it shows its true insignificance. It’s hard to admit that the beautiful idea of spending a lifetime together will no longer be possible because someone else has put a stop to that dream.

The loneliness that follows is indescribable, as every emotion seems lost in a fog – at once dull and piercing. You start searching for what went wrong and find yourself playing detective in trying to guess why they don’t feel the same way anymore. Nostalgia clouds even the best of memories and makes them appear unrecognizable. Convincing yourself that things could still be ok is like trying to sit back down in a seat you left hours ago and expect to find the same comfort as before.

Breaking up with someone takes strength and bravery, traits I’m sure many of us possess but don’t actively utilize in this situation. Finding courage and reassurance comes from within, and when dealing with the pain of a broken heart that source of courage runs out quickly. Letting go of people and situations can often times be a bigger challenge than it’s given credit for. Struggling to accept the fact that this is the final goodbye is enough to make anyone question their faith or will.

Despite all the turmoil that ensues after a break-up, I believe it’s easier than being on the opposite end of the spectrum. There is something about being accepted and loved that can never be replaced, and sometimes it’s worth holding out for the opportunity to show someone how good it feels to give. Breaking up with someone is always hard, and to me, it was always more painful to be broken up with.Although only through my own experiences and regrets, I learnt the power of understanding and compassion eventually revealed itself in the healing and help set my feet on a new path.