A break up like yours

Hey guys,

I just want to share my story because reading yours helped me, I am living a difficult break up and my friends and family support me well and say everything you guys say but it is always helpfull to hear it again and again. I will try to make it as short as possible (it's a 2year and one month relationship) : I am 25 (guy), she is 22. It was a LDR (a real big one). We met, love at the first sight, passion (she offered me her virginity), we manage to see us and live together several months several time. Everything was "perfect" (we had our up and dows, our defaults etc...) and had a plan to reunite in september.

In last february we had a big fight and she told me she might need a break, that she was affraid to miss out something in her life, that their friends told her how stupid it was to be in LDR when she was at college. At this point I was devastated, I refuse the break and told her that if she wanted to break up she owed me to do it and not play with me. She explained me that she wanted to stay with me was affraid to lose me because she knew that at the end she wanted to be with me and at one point getting maried and have children but she felt sometimes she was not mature enough and might need to live by herself without me at her side, she loved me. Of course, I did what I shouldn't have done now... I push my love try to be the best give her more space and ask as less as I could, I flight to see her to spend time with her and hopefully solve our problem. Unfortunately those woked a time but two month ago, we had the talk and she broke up with me because she used to love me to think she would spend the rest of her life with me but this love didn't last and that she feels that we would be better if we're not together because she felt that she won't be as happy as she should or she could.

The next couple weeks we used to talk a little about us, I needed to hear again that she felt the same way, she told me that she wondered few times if it was the the right decision and she still feel it. I told her that I accept her choice because she has the right to not love me anymore and claime her happyness and I will do my best to move on because that it was really hard for me. She told me that I had to stop to say that she doesn't love me because it is not the case, that we have enough history, that I was perfect, a perfect boyfriend and she couldn't just stop love me life that. I am just not the perfect boyfriend for her anymore, and even if she misses me, she has to deal with that and hopefully this feeling won't last eventually. I stop talk to her after that and do my best to follow the advice of everyone around me. But some stuff are more than hard, even if I already suffer from love, this is clearly the worst thing I felt in my life (and I went through bad things).

The hardest parts are : I am a really really lucky guy, I use to be always happy, I have a lot of friends, a lot of hobbies, I have a lot of money, a good job I love, I am not that ugly (and I am fit), I am pretty smart but I can't be happy and I know I have nothing I can do to have what I want (pretty the oposit of how I deal the rest of my life, I fight for what I want). The second hardest thing is that we was on the same page about what we want, she used to make me feel so exceptional, reapet me how much she loved me and how she wondered all the time how she was lucky to have me (a boyfriend who loved her that much, respect her and treat her like a queen). Even if my emotions are now under control (she first couple weeks was so awfull), it still kills me to see that each day she doesn't regret her decision and she is happy to live her life without me by her side and that she will never come back.

I am focused on me and what I need to do but I still love her so much and want her back. I feel so powerless.

I hope it will be another story which can help some of you.

Sorry for the second post but of course, I would love to here your point of view and if someone was in the same situation explain me how to move on and stop want her to come back that would be lovely

I was in a similar situation. LDR, I was "perfect" too, she'd "always love me," and lots of other sayings that I now realize were just clichés she used to soften the blow. You should accept that it's the same case for you.

The only way to begin healing is to stop all contact now. Contrary to what other posters may tell you, however, I would not block her on Facebook or anything else as that is immature and over dramatic, in my opinion. If she ever contacts you, let us know or PM me if you wish and we can decide together if it's worth responding to (usually, it isn't.)

Sounds like you were a confident guy before this happened. Gain that confidence back for yourself, not for her. Start with something in your life that you could improve and go from there.

Thank you meozorchild,

Well I try to get my confidence back but that is not what she said during the break up which hurts me but thinking of what she said when we was together. I won't block her (however I block couple of her friends for personnal reason ^^). I hope she will contact me because 1. of couse I want her back. 2. she will be close to me in 3 months.

I don't know if I will need you (thank btw), because I know that in all case, I love(d) her so much that it is impossible to accept her exept as my girlfriend. I am not affraid of rejection (we will see what happen and if I feel it by the time), the pain that could happen if she never don't want me again later (I can't imagine not heal until then) is not comparable with what I feel now.

I wish you have tell me you are back together (yes hope is hard to destroy completely !). Especially because I am not mad at her all the time (the roller coaster of feelings), LDR are ing hard, I know it and I had of course doubts some day too and went throught it. She wasn't happy at the end of the relationship and she is young and probably some times "immature" about her life and what she want. I know she was affraid of missing out something in her life before and couldn't exprim what she really wanted. The fact is I loved before, and what we shared is if not unique really rare, this link and symbiosis between two people. I don't regret or want our past relationship back because it is too hard. I just wish she could want me as a man again and want to build something with me because her life is less good when I am not by her side. Unfortunately from everyone around me she will never be back or regret me but I know that even in this case I will need to be healed because I will need to know what she really want and forgive her for the hell I am if I want something work.