how do i maintain??????

been with my wife for 14 years. married for 4. 2 kids together, 10 years old and 8 years old. she cheated on me starting in january with this crackhead. the affair lasted 2-3 months. she ended up getting pregnant. i think this scared her. so she hid everything from me and left me. moved right out and went no contact with me immediately. now she has had a miscarriage. at this point she is finally talking to me.she is really opening up to me. i think the guilt is starting to get to her. but im so confused about giving her another chance to hurt me again. she definitely wants my company but she keeps saying she dont know if she wants to work on us. i dont even know if i really want her back. i love her to death. so im so confused. ive never had to deal with anything quite like this before. how to i keep my sanity through all this and not belittle her or make her feel worse. i want to be the good guy through all this. even if we dont stay together. i am thinking about my kids first and foremost. i want them to see that mommy and daddy can be nice even if we dont live together.

Who has custody of the children?

she definitely wants my company but she keeps saying she dont know if she wants to work on us.

This says it all right here. She is just looking for a security right now so she can leave you later. She is not really wanting you back so don't waste your time talking to her.

I think you two need some times to sort things out. What you want and what she wants. Just because she doesn't know if she wants to work on this relationship right now doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.

She cheated on you and I guess the guilt is making her feel very bad. Being in a relationship where you are the bad guy that has cheated on your partner is not a life everybody could live with. Maybe she doesn't know if she could live with that guilt.

This issue becomes more complicated since you two got kids. Maybe it could be a good idea to not live together for a couple of months but still stay in contact to see how things would work out. I think you will eventually knows what you two want to do. But try to be honest about what you feel with each other. It's hard to trust someone again after a thing like that but if you two really love each other then it might be worth a try if you two decide to give it a try.

Who has custody of the children?

we both share custody of the kids equally. i have them on thursday friday saturday every week. she gets em on sunday monday tuesday every weeek and we spliit wednesdays

This says it all right here. She is just looking for a security right now so she can leave you later. She is not really wanting you back so don't waste your time talking to her.

this is what i think also. but i also think that she isnt thinking clearly yet. i really want to give her time to really know that she dont want me anymore. i am giving her all the space i can. i am doing my own thing to help myself move on if she doesnt come around to me. i just love her so much that i cant completely give up on our marriage. i always beleived that marriage was for life. till death do us part. not till problems do us part.

thanks chalie. i agree to what you say. we are living seperately now and communicating again. im just so lost. i will try to be patient.

She comitted the ultimate betrayal. Infidelity. She also got pregnant by that crackhead ....she could have given you aids. Go check yourself and talk to a lawyer about the divorce. If you take her back you stop being a man in everyones eyes. Ateast have the self respect and dignity for your kids.

She comitted the ultimate betrayal. Infidelity. She also got pregnant by that crackhead ....she could have given you aids. Go check yourself and talk to a lawyer about the divorce. If you take her back you stop being a man in everyones eyes. Ateast have the self respect and dignity for your kids.

you are right. when im real angry this is exactly how i feel. i did get myself checked for all kinds of STDs. luckily im ok. i cant afford a divorce at this point. not really sure if thats what i want yet tho. im really confused as i am on this rollercoaster ride from hell. when the anger slips away i just remember the good times. weve had plenty. i kinda think that everyone makes mistakes. everyone deserves a second chance. but she did me very very wrong. this is why im so confused. a lot of people tell me to endure and not make any rash decisions out of hurt or anger. im not saying i definitely want her back but the love switch is hard to turn off. im pissed at her but still love her. so if i take her back will that really make me stop being a man in everyones eyes? i never thought it was like that. im not a man because i love her and want to forgive her? im not sure if i can forgive her anyways. so i guess it dont matter. thanks all for your responses. i need all the input i can get.