sunflower87

I realised I actually have some stories to share but I was moping too much to realise! I've found that with most long term relationships there is some form of reconciliation somewhere down the line, not immediately though. Even with me where I thought there was no chance! Most of my friends in LTRs have had one break up where it seemed like the end completely, and they got back together or moved on to a better person. Here's two off the top of my head, one where my friend was the dumper, the other where another friend was the dumpee. 1) One of my best friends at University had been with her boyfriend since they turned 17. They both came to university together but she found that the relationship wasn't fulfilling her/going downhill because of various things. In her second year of university they broke up and he was devastated. He did all of the classic "dumpee" things, calling, pleading, crying. He even asked me to pass on a letter he had handwritten to her. She started seeing another guy for a little while she had liked when she was with her ex but realised there was something holding her back (she found herself unable to take things further and couldn't connect). She tried to make it work but she ended things. About six months down the line she got back together with her ex, they moved in together and are still together 7 years later. He had worked on the issues that pushed them apart (v. severe anxiety, clinginess, etc) and they seem happier than ever. They realised that LTRs have ups and downs and work on things as a team. 2) Another university friend of mine broke up with her long term boyfriend within the first month of university (he was studying elsewhere). I remember hearing her crying about it in her room. I'm unsure why they broke up, possibly because of distance making feelings fade on his side. She was amazing, picked herself up and didn't let it get to her for long. She pushed herself into studying but also being social and enjoying herself, she also started running and getting fit. She had a short lived "rebound" a few months later but didn't find it gave her the same connection (I don't know if the ex found out about this guy). After the summer of our first year at university her and her ex reconciled, and are still together now, 8 years later. He is more devoted to her than ever and seeing them together is amazing because they just seem to fit. I think in both these situations despite my friends being dumpees/dumpers, they just tried their best to move on and improve themselves and eventually reconciliation happened. They both did NC. Not contacting your ex helps massively in both healing yourself and letting your ex know what life is like without you. You can't predict the future but you can predict a time when you'll be better, either with or without them but only if you let yourself improve as a person.

I miss you, I can't do this. I hope you feel the same but you don't.

I feel like an idiot for posting in this thread nearly every day. Yesterday was better. Today I'm wobbling. You have the distractions of the events you organise to keep you busy and the positivity of the feedback to keep you going. I hope that you get what you want from your dream. Sooner or later you'll realise that you regret what you've done to me. When the work friends who revisit your messed up drunken youth with move on to better things (in two months by the way). When you realise your oldest friends have settled down. It'll take a lot of strength from me to get better but it'll take a lot of apologising and you swallowing your pride to even get me to have anything to do with you.

You sent me a message last night asking how I was doing. Luckily I could read it on my notifications instead of opening WhatsApp ,so as far as you can tell I haven't seen it or read it. I wonder if you even give a damn about how I'm doing or this is just to alleviate your own feelings. The mornings are the worst. I truly think you'll regret this in a few weeks or months. Every one says I'm too nice. Well thanks to you, now I'm not. I still want you back and I still stupidly love you. Even though you say you don't love me. I'm removing myself from you so I can be better and you truly know what you've lost.

I spent a long time reading this thread and I feel better for it. No one knows what the future holds! As long as you try not to get hung up on false hope for your situation these stories are uplifting at a time where many people need it. Maybe I too will be adding a post to this thread one day. I don't see it happening in the future but I promise I will if it does.

You said you don't love me and ended it after five years. You apparently still care about me a lot though. I have to rebuild my life. When will you realise that you're nearly 32 and the workmates you hang round with and go drinking with are nearly 10 years younger than you? They're all moving on to other things in a few months and you'll be back where you started. Everyone who knows you thinks you're having a crisis. Your friends. Your mother. Drinking won't make it go away either. I know you were lying about J. I saw the emails. I gave you every opportunity to tell me. But no. I hope I'm wrong for thinking you're a fool for not even owning up to it. You said it wasn't true but really? She's younger than you by a lot and she's getting a fresh start in a few months by going to another city. You're a fool. I basically fled 200 miles to go to my parents. I'm ashamed that someone can make me feel this way. Wailing and crying from the grief and heartbreak. I'm a shell of my former self. I hope you are feeling terrible. I'm going to get better and improve myself for me. Third day of NC and I'm getting better. I'll be a person I always wanted to be and be better than you ever thought. I stupidly think you might come back eventually, and through all my false hope I will be at a stage where I'm a better person than you and can either tell you where to go or for once hold the deciding cards if you want to reconcile. I'll be better than you.