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Is this sick or what?


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I am a 31 year old female who just two months ago left my comfortable, loving marriage of 11 years. Our relationship was wonderful, filled with conversation, laughter, and compatibility. We enjoyed spending time together enjoying life's simple pleasures, unfortunately we lacked intimacy. I do and will always love my ex, but our sex life was not as frequent as I wanted it to be, I did not feel wanted. I told my spouse this was why I was leaving. We started seeing a counselor and my ex was bending over backwards to make things work. I left anyway.

I lied about the reason I left. I was emotionally cheating on my spouse with a man that I felt could make me truly happy. We are currently dating and sleeping together. He is genuinely a nice guy, I know I like him, but am unsure if I love him (although I tell others I do). I have very strong emotions for him and the attention he gives me is wonderful. He is very jealous of my ex, and this makes me feel good about myself (my ex never showed any jealousy).

My dilemma is this. I introduced him to my sister a couple of weeks ago, and everything seemed just fine. However, when speaking to my mother about her possibly meeting him she says she does not want to. It seems my sister told my mother that my boyfriend looks like the man that molested us both when we were very young. After hearing this I agree. Although they do not look exactly alike, I can see many similarities between them. What does this say about me, and what should I do?




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Hi Worm,


Thanks for sharing with us. I understand you are confused about the revelation that this man looks like the man from your past.


I see two considerations you should be taking. Firstly, your family. Your mother, sister, and anyone else involved have an obvious issue with this. Whether they will get past his appearance is the first thing that must be ascessed. You will need to talk to them about this and see if they can put this aside and make the distinction within themselves that this man is not anything to do with the man from the past and he shouldn't be made suffer here because of this situation.


The other thing is yourself. Now that you know this, can you continue in this relationship? While you think about that, make arrangements to meet with your family, and get yourself some clarity and closure on this situaton before it gets out of hand.


Hope this helps you,

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