i cant stop thinking about her!!!!! help..............

[aragorn80]

well its been about 5 days since my first love and girlfriend broke up with me.. even though i recognize that we did not have the best of relationships, i do feel in my brain that this was the right thing to happen, but my heart keeps thinking about her. I have not seen or talked to her in 4 days and I will not, however much i want to, contact her. I have had a couple good days and there are days that my mind keeps drifting thoughts like, " I wonder what shes doing?" or " I remember that time when...." and i need to know if this is normal. She broke up with me because even though im 22 and mature in a lot of ways, this was my first relationship and i did not know how to react to some situations and i was overly jealous..(you people know how it is) then also as i look back on the last 2-3 months ( we went out for almost a year) i feel she wanted out of it and i would always be stubborn and convince her to stay. We would argue about stupid things and I also recognize that I smothered her as well by always wanting to see her. Then she told me once and for all that she didnt want to be in a relationship with anyone becuse the last 3 years she has been in back to back relationships and now she just wanted time and space for herself. She also has a lot of stress from an OVER protected dad and I guess shes confused about a lot of things on the side as well. so is what Im doing good? Before i met her i never did anything and i was always by myself and i dont have any friends but tonight through a girl at work, im going to a bar/club with her boyfriend to hang out...is this ok for me to do? IM going to leave her alone and after a few weeks, she may even realize that she does want to be with me..is that possible? and at the same time i just want to move on....but i find myself wondering what shes doing and i miss the "actual being with her" ya know?...the contact with her......help with advice please.............

[HAMLETTHUNKTOOMUCH]

Breaking up with the first love is the biggest bitch of them all. You will never get over it and you will continue to wonder what she is doing for years to come, although the frequency of these thoughts will diminish after like 8 years.

[aragorn80]

im sorry but even though i have no prior experiance with relatinships, i rufuse to feel like this 8 years down the road. hell in 8 years ill probably have a family of my own! Yes ill miss her i and miss her like hell and its only been 5 days........but ill always remember her for being my first but i will not let it be a constant in my mind.....................

[lunatic]

Aragorn80,

 

You are experencing what is natural and healthy. The only thing that you must do is put her behind you. Try to move on with your life. Try joining a gym or local fire department (if they are volunteers) and do something to keep yourself busy. I too don't have many friends anymore because most of them are married and have children. I am in the same boat with thinking about her all the time because I lived with her well over a year and I dated her for three years. You have to rediscover yourself and what you like to do. We are in the same boat and you have to get yourself busy to get your mind off of her. I know this sounds stupid but, why dont you talk to your parents/siblings? They will always be there for you and you might be surprised to hear that they understand where you are coming from and might even be able to give you really good advice as well as a big conforting hug. You do what you have to to get yourself out and away from her. This will take months to start feeling better but, As the last post stated it will be a long time before you forget your first. I don't know about eight years but, you definitly will have her on your mind for some time to come.

 

I hope this helps to know that you are not alone in your pain!

 

If you need more advice feel free to write me. I am finding this site helpful in dealing in my pain by helping others.

 

-Hubman01

[charmed]

Hi Aragorn,

 

This whole 8 years statement is rubbish.

 

Your first love will always be with you, infact all your loves will be with you throughout your life - just in different capacities.

 

It's like saying that when your grandmother dies, you will never get over it. You will, yet she will never completely be gone.

 

Now I'm a fairly sensitive guy, and I broke up with my first love after four and a half years. I was in total bits - and couldn't do anything at all. I went to councelling for some time, and that helped a bit. It was about 6 months before I really came to terms with the whole thing. Since then, I've been pretty calm about the whole thing. The key waws this:

 

You need to accept that the relationship has happened, and that it has ended. You need to understand why it has ended, and come to terms and accept that fact. You need to learn how to embrace all that was good and all that was bad about the relationship. You need to me sure that you get comfortable with all of this, as that will help you in the future when you think of her, or the relationship.

 

My aim when beginning my recovery was that I wanted to be sure that our breakup would not effect me in later life, and I've found that I went about the whole thing the correct way.

 

Hope this helps you some,

[browner]

I'm 23, and just got dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years, and am a complete wreck, so I relate to your story. I can't stop thinking about her, wondering about her, getting jealous over her (whether or not there's a reason to), hoping that it's not true, that there is another chance. I feel ill every morning, every night, all day. I can't work, I can't eat, I can't sleep. It's been 3 weeks, and I'm no better. Now, the only thing that keeps me going, the only thing that keeps me alive, is that I know I have been like this before, where I thought that it would NEVER get better. But it did. It took a long time, like 6-8 months. But it got better. And I can only assume it will this time, too. The only advice I have, which is the only thing I am doing, is to take it one second at a time. Every second that you make it through, it will get just that much easier. I hope.

[HAMLETTHUNKTOOMUCH]

8 years. No less.