Does it REALLY get better?

[kate111]

I'm having a hard time believing this right now.

 

The only man I want is him. I was so committed. So in love with him.

 

I've been doing the no contact thing for over a month. Trying to get over him.

 

How long until I don't care? How long until my heart stops hurting. I seriously can't bear much more of it.

[pinkelephant]

Focus your energy else where.

 

 

I'm really surprised that I'm really over everything. It's silly because it was such a short relationship and everything. But it was the betrayal, the ultimate thing that made broke me.

 

I focused my energy on school. I'm getting 90s for the first time (lol) and I'm really proud of myself.

 

Maybe you could try something like this? Try improving yourself, try getting out, try refoccussing your energy to something useful or fun.

[AwdreeHpburn]

awww Kate - {{HUGS}}

 

Yes hon - it really DOES get better. Of course the amount of time is different for everyone and I really thnk everyone needs to experience it in their own way but the old adages are still used cos they're sooo true.

 

This too shall pass

Only time will tell

Time heals all

etc.

 

Hang in there!!

[lady00]

It does get better. But you have to let go of the committment to him and establish a committment to you and to healing. Think of it as analogous to a physical injury...in order to get better you have to get into rehab for your heart. Treat yourself well, take it easy. But gradually start doing things that require you to use your heart in ways that aren't too stressful...such as helping others, hanging out more with your friends and doing things for yourself that make you feel good. Try to replace the thoughts of him that make you feel sad with thoughts that make you feel happy. It might require developing an escape mechanism for a while...some thought or fantasy having nothing to do with relationships that makes you feel good. Better yet, envision some goal that you've always wanted to achieve and let yourself feel how good it would feel as though you've already achieved it...then look at ways to prolong the good feeling...maybe taking steps to achieve the goal. Eventually you will find yourself not having to escape mentally so much because you will find mental happiness in your own life.

 

Oh, and I do think exercise is extremely important. It gets your mind off things and it instantly makes you feel better and boosts your confidence. Sorry if this all sounds silly but I hope it helps.

[bug]

right on lady00, with all of your above post.

*exercise is key... hard to feel mentally down, when you're body is surging and pumping alive!

[kate111]

Thank you so much.

 

I just can't believe how hard it is to get over.

[kekep]

it gets much MUCH better...i'll venture to say, some days i feel better than i did when i was with him!! of course i have my lonesome days as well, but being single is not so bad...just think of all the possibilities out there (and by possibilities, i mean other people )

[terk2021]

I'm having a hard time believing this right now.

 

The only man I want is him. I was so committed. So in love with him.

 

I've been doing the no contact thing for over a month. Trying to get over him.

 

How long until I don't care? How long until my heart stops hurting. I seriously can't bear much more of it.

 

 

No one can really answer that question. Heartache is an art, not a science. When you love someone, it's the most incredible feeling in the world. When it falls apart, it's the exact opposite feeling in the world. There is so much advice out here about how to get over things, and ways that make the healing process quicker.

 

I have been through 2 painful breakups in the past 4 years. Both I thought were leading to marriage. One broke up before engagement was even discussed. The other ended 3 weeks before our wedding date. There are people out there that can heal much faster than others. There is no magic formula.

 

First off, it's good that you have not been in contact with him. Half of the battle is wondering what they are thinking and doing. Thinking "what if", "why", "what happened", and "is there anything I can do to fix it". When it 1st happens, it feels like the world is over. Many who post out here have gone through it, and most get over it in various ways over various lengths of time.

 

You need to allow yourself to grieve, to get things off of your chest. Friends, family, church, or posting out here are great ways to do that. When I went through my 1st breakup of the person I thought I was going to spend my life with, I was devistated. I spent months on the couch and could care less about work, myself, and everything around me. All I wanted to do was figure out anything I could do to get the person back that I could not live without. I was not the type that keeping myself busy was going to fix things. It did not change what I wanted. About 3 months of that, and I was fortunate enough to have friends around me that would listen and be there for me, and finally dragged me out of the house to get me back into to living again. It was a gradual process. I dated many girls in a very short period of time, only to realize that all I wanted to do was be back with the one I loved. Gradually, things got better.

 

I met someone that I actually liked, or it might have been that I finally healed enough to give this person a chance. Well, we dated and fell in love. Granted, that relationship did not work out, and I almost felt twice as bad. This relationship went all the way to engagement and 3 weeks prior to a wedding.

 

So, I have been in a grieving process for the past 6-8 months. It's been harder in many ways, but less in others. I have my ups and downs. The 1st 2 months of this year were great, but I found myself going through a down stage right now.

 

I am not writing to explain my story, but I just want to let you know that things do get better. For everyone, it takes different amounts of time, and different things that help us heal. We are human, and we have hearts. When they get broken, there is no worse feeling on the face of the earth.

 

I am not sure of the whole story of your relationship, but it's a horrible feeling to feel you have lost the one person you see yourself with for the rest of your life. It's happened to me twice. I am hoping 3rd time is a charm.

 

I will give you one positive here though. You sound like someone that has a lot of love to give, and there is that person out there that will give you everything you are looking for and more. It sounds like this guy is just not the one.

 

It's easy to sit out here and give advice, or try and share personal experiences with you to give hope that things can and will get better. The reality is right now it's a world that you are living in and no one else is. I hope you have family and friends around you that are there for you. You always have enotalone to turn to. We have all been through some form of heartache, and have dealt with it in different ways.

 

There are some incredible people on this site here willing to listen, offer advice, and most importantly, offer support. I feel for what you are going through, and I hope you will use these channels to help you get through it.

 

terk