Three months, bad days, dying inside

[Diggitydave]

it's been three months since me and my ex split up. ALthough somewhere deep inside I know it wasn't all my fault. I can't stop blaming myself for every last little thing i did in the relationship. I am if only(ing) myself to death and i can't shut my ******* brain off! I the second month i really thought i was improving. Even after she sent me an email saying "do you intend to just drop me off the face of the earth and never speak to me again???...." I did not respond to that or any forwarded junk mails she has sent me, haven't called, haven't im'd NOTHING. I have used every last bit of strength I have to just make it these days and not call.

 

we were together sort of twice. the second time was kind of just a tease. She left for the second time (yeah i know the whole screw me over once, twice...thing)...anyway. I have literally been holding the phone crying screaming out to God to help me and give me strength to not contact her.

 

My mind keeps playing tricks on me saying (maybe just to say hello) or (you're running from your fears stop being a punk) or (she hates you and is tearin your name down) even though she said she cared about me in that one email which i didn't respond to. When she left me for the second time it was for someone else. The first time she left me it was because we were far up each others as*** and obsessed. 8 months went by and to try and force myself to move on i tried dating someone else. That was a disaster and me and that girl pretty much hate each other ( my fault because my heart was with my ex).

 

ANyway, so my heart is torn apart still after 3 months. I am STILL devastated, i feel hopeless inside like I am dying and i don't know how much more of this i can take.

[friscodj]

Hey bro,

 

What you are experiencing here is normal. I have definitely felt this way before especially on the heels of being "teased" a second time around.

 

Another piece of advice that really helped me was to stop even reading the emails, texts, listening to voice messages, etc. Later I figured out I was still holding onto a little bit of hope in reading them, thinking maybe and what if she has something to say that I always wanted to hear.

 

Receiving contact is remaining in contact. Let go of that and you'll let go of this situation faster too.

 

Your mind will play tricks on you like this. You mention "obsession" in your post and that is happening here too. If things continue at this rate, I would consider seeing someone about your obsessive tendencies. That could be something clinical.

 

At any rate, like I said before I have been in a similar situation as this and guess what? It got better. It will do so for you too. Hang in there and be tough.

[Diggitydave]

Well I thought breaking the cycle of calling her etc would help me but the thoughts of it still play over and over in my mind. I can't escape it's driving me nuts!

[bug]

Diggitydave~ hang in there! I am struggling too with my mind constantly going back to him, like I'm on auto pilot, he seems to be where my mind always returns to. For me, I've decided that this is when conscious thinking, being aware of when you're starting to think about her is key. Like an addiction, the more energy you give, even if in thought, the more you're investing in the relationship, the stronger the hold. As soon as you become aware you're thinking about her, redirect your thoughts to something else, anything else, just "change the channel" as quickly as possible. Once I heard that the reason why we're so broken hearted isn't necessarily because we're not being loved by "that special someone" anymore, but instead,(or in addition to) it's because we aren't able to channel our love and give it to them anymore... it feels so good to love someone, our behaviors, the specialness... and then "poof" it's gone. What you're really hurting for and desperately needing is to be loved the way you love others... if someone you love was going through your situation, what things would you say to them? If someone said to your friend some of the cruel things you're saying to yourself, you'd stick up for them, right! So do it for yourself, with your own self talk. Don't look outside yourself to fill that void you now feel because you can't express love. Express it, only express it to yourself. Think about how you'd feel about a child who was hurting inside the way you are now... How would you be there for them? What ways would you show them you care? Say and do those things for yourself. (it may sound crazy, but we all have inner dialogue)

There's a reason for all of it, believe that. Last but not least, if all else fails, I've been going to movies - as in the theater. I force my mind to focus on the movie and give my mental thoughts and heartache a rest!

[willow2900]

Last but not least, if all else fails, I've been going to movies - as in the theater. I force my mind to focus on the movie and give my mental thoughts and heartache a rest!

 

Good idea! That kept my mind off things too! Books didn't work, I'f get upset at reading any scene hinting at romance!

You gotta keep busy and distracted. If things are going to work out they will, if not, you've worked on yourself, getting better and mentally strong again.

[Diggitydave]

How did you deal with the thoughts of "what are they saying about me, are they tearing my name down, do they think im this or that or whatever" This is the worst part, like AAAAAAAHHHH!!!

[bug]

I see in your signature line "cry out to Jesus" so I'll go here... get down on your knees and pray. Release your pain and suffering, surrender it over to God.

FOCUS: on what you can control. You can control your thinking, don't think those thoughts and if that fails, surrender to them. What's the absolute worst thing that will happen if someone is bad mouthing you? Talking s--t about someone is really a reflection of how lacking in character the person is. The people who are descent human beings, who know you and who you would want in your life... they won't believe the cr-p someone else says about you. BESIDES - you cannot contol what other people think, say or do... you have to let it go. I always think about things I can't control like that as a traffic jam. When you're stuck in traffic, you can fret, cuss, rant, rave, honk your horn, go bizurk! What good does that do you? You can't magically make the traffic go away... you could smash the car ahead of you in, but then you're really scre-ed! You have to let it go, you just have to. Accept that you'll be late by being stuck in traffic and move on in your mind with your thinking.

Good ol' serenity prayer:

GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY

TO ACCEPT THE THINGS

I CANNOT CHANGE,

TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN

AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

 

*If however, none of this helps and you can't stop thinking persacutory thoughts (thinking others are out to get you) than reach out for more help, talk with someone in person. Don't ever stop seeking help, you will find it and you will get through this.

 

*Here's another mantra I like -

What you think about, comes about! so, think about things that feel good.

[Diggitydave]

I tried so hard today to move my mind off the subject but failed miserably. I've been fighting to not pick up the phone. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me.