Two weeks NC down the tube

[Ladyface]

I was doing incredibly well with the whole NC thing, finding myself in a much better mental state and finding myself able to forgive him and myself for everything. In fact, I was loving life for the first time in a LONG time.

 

Thursday he contacted me about getting my stuff back. I told him I'd stop by at a certain time and asked him to leave my things on his front porch. He told me that he'd be home at that time, so to just stop in. I was hesitant, but agreed.

 

We ended up having sex. Which is the reason I went NC in the first place - we can't seem to be in the same room together without having sex, which was obviously causing me emotional damage. I even told him it was a bad idea but I let it happen anyway. He called me later that night and we ended up spending the night together.

 

The next night (Friday), I saw him at a bar. At first we were very friendly to each other and were dancing together. A few hours later, I saw him all over some other girl. I stupidly ended up asking him who the girl was and if he was hooking up with her. He immediately attacked me, telling me that it was none of my business and to get off his I was absolutely appalled and didn't say a word, just left and went home crying.

 

Yesterday he IMed me saying "Hey psycho, inquiring about my sex life just for dancing with some chick is completely out of bounds, you're not my girlfriend." This spiraled downwards into a horrible argument in which we both said terrible, cruel things to each other. And to clarify, we have NEVER been mean to each other before in the entire time we've known each other. We have never treated each other without respect until now.

 

Our last words were me saying "Thursday was just a mistake. And believe me, I've learned from it" and him saying "Good." I spent all night crying and ignoring phone calls from my friends.

 

So yeah, I guess all I'm saying is that NC is the ONLY healer for a broken heart. For those of you that are holding strong, keep it up. I'm now certain I can't even make eye contact with this boy again; forget ever being friends or getting back together. I just can't believe that two people who were once in love with each other could treat each other so badly

[macgyver4ever]

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this Ladyface. This sounds awful.

I broke NC after 16 days to contact my ex about canceling her cell phone. I thought it was the right thing to do to actually talk to her and handle it like an adult, but it really set me back. I have appalled by the lack of respect my ex has treated me with in the last 3 months. She acts as if I am a stranger and I don't exist. This was someone I was with for 4 years, and was planning to marry, so the way she has been treating me hurts like hell.

 

I can understand how much it hurts, and some of the pain you are going through now. I wish I had some magic words to make you heal faster, but I don't. I am going to spend the day reflecting on what it was that was making me feel so strong before breaking NC, and figure out what I need to do to get back to that point.

 

Stay with NC, and it seems like the break up, for both of us, was for the best. People who treat us in the manner don't deserve us.

[Wandering_Sword]

Don't beat yourself up over it. *hugs and a kiss on the forehead* Were not here to judge you or even require an explanation. You've unloaded and that is what its all about. Dump some more if you want and we'll listen. Take care and be strong. We are all here for you...

[friscodj]

And believe me, I've learned from it

 

Hey Ladyface-

 

Look, what people refer to around here as "NC" is not some steadfast prescription for absolute direction that if you don't adhere to religiously you will be "set back". That is completely ridiculous and there is no need to think this way. It's a piece to a bigger puzzle here, a surface-level means to a much deeper end.

 

In your case, you learned a lot from your experience. Most of the time, to get past the first stage of grief, i.e., denial, people need a good kick in the teeth by the reality of the situation. They need to feel stupid about what they did, about chasing hopes and dreams and/or familiar sexual urges in situations like yours to really know it is best to stay away for a while.

 

You did that. Where's the shame in that? People stigmatize some fleeting negative feelings like the ones you are experiencing now for the greater good of getting you to see the truth of the situation, to see what's really going on, and motivate you to take a better course of action, not because a bunch of Internet strangers told you to so, but because now you know better.

 

There's absolutely no shame in exploring other options in situations like this. Now you know, that is the bigger and more important point here. There's no need to beat yourself up over how you got here, just celebrate the fact you got here and don't forget the journey.

 

You didn't get "set back" here, you got "set forward"...big time...

[Ladyface]

Thank you guys so much for your words. You don't know how much they have been helping me get through my day.

 

He just texted me out of the blue with "Sorry for being mean before."

 

I'm not responding because that's just not good enough.