Early Stages (I Hope) of a success story

[KrashBurn224]

First, this is a new ID but I've been here on ENA since around new years of this past year.

 

The Ex left me in mid December of last year. The first and third week after the split I did all the undignified begging, pleading, promising, trying to use logic... and it all failed miserably. I leave out the second week as we were still in contact, but I refrained from the begging, pleading, etc. and things seemed to be heading back to getting back together. I of course jumped the gun in week 3, more begging, pleading, etc. and it just pushed her away.

 

After that last round, I was in utter despair. That is when I found this forum, and it has really helped me tremendously. Big thanks to SuperDave71 and majord23 as I have found the wisdom they share to be immensely beneficial.

 

I decided to go NC (with some LC upon her initiation). I've focused squarely on getting myself back. The biggest thing I realized is that during our relationship, not only was I overweight and insecure about it, but I lost myself along the way and more so felt that my being became an extension of her existence and/or presense in my life. What a mistake!

 

I threw myself into improving myself. I started working out again towards the end of the relationship, but really decided to go at it with a passion after the split. As a positive note, I've lost almost 40 pounds now in the past 4 months and look better than I have since I was in my early 20's. I've gotten back in close contact with a lot of friends I haven't spent much time with lately and I've found my way back to church and strengthening my faith in the Lord.

 

My confidence is at, and has been for awhile now, at an All Time High! Over the course of the last month and a half, I've dated 4 other woman since the ex. Nothing special has happened from any of these dates. Heck, I never even had a second date with any of these women. What dating did though was allow me to help build my confidence level and really helped me to realize what I wanted in my life right now. It helped me to realize that I have a ton of great things in my life at this time, that I am open to a relationship, but it is a relationship with my ex that I would like! If that could happen, great! If not, I'm happy with myself right now and I can be fine just going about life as I have been lately and maybe something great will come one day down the road with a new person that compliments and inspires me the way that my ex did.

 

About a month ago, I read through majord23's Perfect Plan & Perfect Plan Mach II about a dozen times each. The first week or so I decided to give his Perfect Plan a shot as the ex was still in contact with me occasionally. I really took to NC at this point. Mentally, going into the second week it really felt like I was following a "plan" and results weren't happening like I thought, somewhat in part because I underestimated the level of contact I would still have with my ex once I made the conscience effort to not contact her directly in any way, shape or form.

 

It was at this point I decided to give Mach II a try. A perfect opportunity presented itself, so I took advantage of it. The ex had called over the weekend looking for assistance with something she was trying to figure out around her house. I didn't call back right away. It's been several months since the split, and I was feeling pretty confident and happy. I felt ready to be able to talk with her again. So I took this opening as a way to get back into speaking with her and seeing where things might lead.

 

Time really does heal a lot of wounds. Over the next week or so, I found that we were having great conversations again and I could definitely tell she was still holding quite a bit of attraction towards me... and most importantly, we didn't talk about the ONLY 2 negatives of the past that led to the break up. I say ONLY 2, as they were minor little arguments that probably could have just been worked through and corrected, but they weren't.

 

I finally took the bold move about a week and a half ago to ask her out on a date this past weekend. Trying to bread some anticipation and mystery, I intentionally set up an elaborate date and did so 8 days in advance and would not tell her where we were going. Come to the day before the date, she let me know she was excited for it, so I thought great.

 

Well, we went out and had a fabulous time. In fact, fabulous doesn't adequently describe the evening. It was beyond perfect in almost every sense. We had been broken up for roughly 2 and a half months at this time. It was like we were never apart. We had a great dinner, hours of great conversation, talked quite a bit about our situation, and even finished the night off by sleeping together. It was pure magic.

 

Now I sit here on a Wednesday though, we've had a bit of contact and conversation since Sunday morning... but not as much as I would have hoped. We never outright discussed getting back together. Sex is something I know she doesn't take lightly, so emotion and attraction have to be there. I was pretty clear the other night that like when we first started, it was my responsibility (as the guy) to make the calls and pursue starting the relationship... but now it was her turn to make the moves. I've said my peace in the past, I've gotten my life back in order, I'm open to dating her again... but if this is gonna be something she wants too... it's on her to show the initiative. I'm here & ready, open, and willing to discuss.

 

Maybe this is the correct approach, maybe not. I know when we talked last night I really wanted to inquire about where we go from here, but I refrained. It can't work if we're both not wanting it equally. On the same hand, we both can be a bit stubborn about these types of situations. I'm just not sure how to proceed, but it seems like it shouldn't be this mentally time consuming and thought provoking on my end.

 

Any advice on what I should or shouldn't do next?

[papalazarou]

Congratulations mate.

 

However I do feel at some point the 2 negatives do need to be discussed and sorted out once and for all otherwise it could all come full circle and Im sure you both dont want that.

[KrashBurn224]

Congratulations mate.

 

However I do feel at some point the 2 negatives do need to be discussed and sorted out once and for all otherwise it could all come full circle and Im sure you both dont want that.

 

I completely agree, and we did air them out during the date on Saturday. Well, more so that I sqwashed them dead when she made an oft handed comment about them. Basically, the 2 problems revolved around me saying some dumb and mean stuff when i was drunk. Things I didn't mean, but they were still things that hurt her and made her look at me differently. Things I said because I was insecure and had doubts about why such a thin and attractive women would be with an overweight guy like me. I pretty much left it at, "that was then, it's in the past... and please don't continue to label those instance as drunk me... but rather what they really were... overweight and insecure me". She seemed to take that rather well and finally seemed to understand were I was coming from at the time. Sure, it probably didn't hurt that now she was looking into the skinny face of an almost new person!

[samross]

I'm happy for your success so far!! Hang in there, friend. As far what to do next, I can only tell you what I'm doing. I'm going through a similar situation and rather than putting pressure on her and syaing where do we go next (which I may ultimately do at some point) for now I am just enjoying that things are getting better. Maybe try being low-key for a while and just see where that goes.

[KrashBurn224]

I'm happy for your success so far!! Hang in there, friend. As far what to do next, I can only tell you what I'm doing. I'm going through a similar situation and rather than putting pressure on her and syaing where do we go next (which I may ultimately do at some point) for now I am just enjoying that things are getting better. Maybe try being low-key for a while and just see where that goes.

 

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to be low-key, but it's much harder to do so then I thought

 

Going into this, I thought I had it all planned out perfectly. Get the date, have a great short time together and avoid the topic of the past. Enjoy a fine meal and just go back home. That plan went to the wayside and it ended up being a dinner of many hours, great conversation and let to us spending the night together. So much for part A of my plan. Now on to plan B which was to just try being low-key and enjoy some similar type dates over the course of about 2 months and see where things end up, hopefully were here bringing up the idea of us getting back together for good. I guess the whole sex thing has thrown me for a loop, and now it's only been 3-4 days and two months is looking like eternity. Guess I have to get back in the habit I got myself into a couple weeks back when we started talking again... repeating to myself often throughout the day... "baby steps, keep it cool, one day at a time"

 

Thanks again!

[macgyver4ever]

I cannot find the Perfect Plan Mach II. Can someone please give me a link?

[devast]

Great!!! Your closer now to "what you have begged for and pushed her away" when you broke-up...

 

Now that you have gotten yourself together... "dont lose it".. again...

 

So... You were right... "save all your best for last"... if she opens up about your future together... or shows you her interest in getting back together for good...Then that's your time to give her a confident plan on how you two can work it out right...otherwise... don't start loosing it...

[Wandering_Sword]

This is good news. I'm glad that you have a fantastic plan you can adhere to and get results. I guess things are now in your court and you can approach this with caution and time. Plus, the fact that you had some NC to heal did wonders for the brain and heart. Good luck

[KrashBurn224]

Thanks guys... definitely trying not to mess this up. Second chances are rare and I'm really hoping to make this work out for the long haul.

 

Meeting for lunch today...

 

Baby steps, keep it cool, one day at a time

[papalazarou]

I cannot find the Perfect Plan Mach II. Can someone please give me a link?