I'm new and need some advice.

[Byron1979]

There is this lady I like at work. I would like to gauge how she feels about me. This girl is really cute and she seems pretty bright. She has a good sense of humour and a very distinctive laugh. The exchanges vary. I don't know if one of us is setting the tone. Sometimes we will talk to each other and have friendly exchanges, and I will crack a joke and she will laugh, but other times we walk by each other and don't even look at each other. Sometimes, I see her smile at me and I smile back and vice-versa. Sometimes, we walk by each other and we are barely looking at each other but I would make a sidwise glance at her to see her looking at me for a second and then looking away. One time, I was getting a water out of the soda machine and I looked back and saw her, gave her a shy smile, which she returned, then I got out of there. Then there are the times we joke. When we were at a going-away party for another coworker she and I talked a little and she dared me to down a small glass of beer, which I did. We have joked about a movie we both like, "Office Space", and both have an interest in politics, which we haven't discussed with each other yet. She'll notice when I get a haircut. I just get so shy around her and I have always been shy around women. We have our moments, and then things shut down again and I don't know.

[Lily04]

hmm. that happens to me a lot when I either like a guy or am not sure if I like him. Otherwise things wouldn't be so hot/cold I think. It could also mean she's shy/introvertive though, as when I was more shy I would be more prone to reallllly outgoing vs. closed off moments. I still do that actually...

[Byron1979]

hmm. that happens to me a lot when I either like a guy or am not sure if I like him. Otherwise things wouldn't be so hot/cold I think. It could also mean she's shy/introvertive though, as when I was more shy I would be more prone to reallllly outgoing vs. closed off moments. I still do that actually...

You mean you do what she's doing when you like a guy?

[Lily04]

yep. but also if there's just some chemistry between us... I may think he's attractive & am sorta shy/nervous, but I may not necessarily want to date the guy because our personality isn't such a match. it depends... could be multiple reasons -- she's a bit shy, or she just doesn't feel like talking that day, who knows. i wouldn't draw too much from this to be honest... look for other signs of attraction if that's what you're looking for. Try talking with her, engaging her in conversation for a while, see if there's chemistry & where it leads. You won't definitely know until you ask her out though.

[Byron1979]

yep. but also if there's just some chemistry between us... I may think he's attractive & am sorta shy/nervous, but I may not necessarily want to date the guy because our personality isn't such a match. it depends... could be multiple reasons -- she's a bit shy, or she just doesn't feel like talking that day, who knows. i wouldn't draw too much from this to be honest... look for other signs of attraction if that's what you're looking for. Try talking with her, engaging her in conversation for a while, see if there's chemistry & where it leads. You won't definitely know until you ask her out though.

She seems shy, as am I. She seems very busy sometimes. I know that I put up my own barriers too. When they are down and we have interactions, they are mostly positive and the more we have, the more I feel that I like her. Though, my guard goes up and/or I feel hers go up.

[ghost69]

just be careful. office romances can blow up in your face. it sounds like she has some interest in your though. for sure.

[ghost69]

i think she may be scared to overstep the work related boundary as you probably are.

[Byron1979]

i think she may be scared to overstep the work related boundary as you probably are.

Today was a weird day. I was going to use an office to do some work, she needed to use it to interview a client, because the client was on crutches. It's a human services office. I am sitting down to get situated and I see her and we just look at each other. I smile very shyly and she seems to return it and I let her take the office, partly to be a gentleman to her and partly because the client was on crutches. She said she was sorry and giggled and I said that it was okay. After that, we just went back to our more guarded interactions. Barely looking at each other if at all. I smiled at her slightly one time and she returned it and we walked on in separate directions.

[Lily04]

I think you're analyzing too much at this point and you don't know her well enough. Try talking with her, ask her how her day was, etc.

[ghost69]

it seems like she is just a nice coworker. the fact that you think she is attractive makes you think she is flirting. if this was some unattractive coworker, would you be reacting this way?

[Dating Coach]

I don't see anything that would conclude that "we" have our moments bro. Could you both be having moments? Possible, but nothing here really says that you both are. I can see that you have moments, but all I see her doing is being friendly.

 

Smiling at someone is not a sign of interest. Smiling could be that, or it could be 1 of about 1000 other things as well. Daring someone to down a beer is not a sign of interest. It could be, but it could be 1 of about 1000 other things as well.

 

What I see here is a guy who is interested in a girl but is looking for "confirmation" that she likes him in return before he musters the nerve to ask her out. I can tell you right now that this is a very unproductive way of going about it. Girls do not typically fall for guys who have to wait for permission. Most girls like guys who are so confident in themselves that they can walk up, strike up a fun and flirty conversation, and then ask her for her number and/or a date.

 

Sure there are going to be some girls who prefer a guy who isn't that confident in himself, but that number is very small and they are usually very suspicious and introverted people to begin with, and this girl does not sound like that type.

 

What you would be best advised to do is simply stop waiting for "signals" or "signs" and go up and flirt/ask her out on a date without getting "permission". If you get rejected at least you know the answer and you can end your cycle of torment. Sooner better than later because the longer you wait the more likely you will fall harder which can only end badly.

 

Get on the ball bro.

[ghost69]

and attempt to just flat out lose your job as Diggity is saying.

[Dating Coach]

and attempt to just flat out lose your job as Diggity is saying.

 

How is asking someone out on a date, "Losing your job"? Granted work relationships aren't always peachy and can present problems, but millions of people meet and date their coworkers.

[ghost69]

all i'm pointing out is keep it hush. make sure she is feeling you before you jump into that. she can report you. i'm just saying i've seen it happen. that is how diggity.

[Dating Coach]

all i'm pointing out is keep it hush. make sure she is feeling you before you jump into that. she can report you. i'm just saying i've seen it happen. that is how diggity.

 

Certainly, but you don't put moved on her in the workplace, you do it outside of work. You can't get in trouble for asking her out on your own time.

[ghost69]

you might want to state that next time diggity. some people on here will probably just do it in front of everyone.

[Lily04]

it seems like she is just a nice coworker. the fact that you think she is attractive makes you think she is flirting. if this was some unattractive coworker, would you be reacting this way?

 

This is a really good point. I was just going to say, I get the sense that YOU'RE attracted to her for sure, but the signals are too ambiguous right now to conclude anythnig -- I smile and say hi to coworkers all the time, and we have 'moments' as well (i.e. fun or good converastions) but as I am a friendly person I don't think people should read into that too much.

 

The only way you can really tell is to ask her out for something -- coffee, etc. and get to know her better. Smiling shyly at work won't really get you anywhere, for all you know, she could even have a boyfriend... so it's worth getting out of your head and knowing for sure.

[Leonhart]

it seems like she is just a nice coworker. the fact that you think she is attractive makes you think she is flirting. if this was some unattractive coworker, would you be reacting this way?

 

While this could be the case for Byron, this isn't necessarily true. Sure, some people may see things how they like, I can't count the number of times girls I am not attracted to flirt with me. I wish they didn't. I hate it. It grosses me out, to be quite honest. But I try and be nice about it. *shrugs*

 

I love how people say, "you can't trust body language, etc." Is that honestly true now? Why do so many people write books on it? Why do women's magazines tell women what to do (and not do) to "get his attention?" Why do some psychologists say that over half (arguably up to 80%) of our communication is non-verbal?

 

Yeah, the only way you'll know for sure is if you ask her. But even then, she may just accept to be polite and cancel later. She may even go out with someone out of pity or desperation. The truth is, you will never truly know what is in another person's mind and heart. We can only go by what people say, do and don't do. I don't see how looking for signals is any different.

 

Be a cold day before I ever waste my time and do a cold approach by asking out some random girl. A cold day; Lucifer will be wearing a parka making snow-angels long before THAT happens.

 

That said, if you really like her, just go for it, Byron. The others all agree that asking her out is the best choice. I wouldn't worry too much about it being at work... unless it is a messy break-up, then you could be in trouble, working with someone you can't stand/can't stand you. That would definitely suck.

[ghost69]

yeah you can trust body language wil. but this is an office environment, you can step on toes....your own. you are still in school wil. you can't just go for it in the business setting.