So Much Drama! I don't know what to do (LONG)

[heatheRmal]

Oh my where to start..

 

Before I started officially dating Darren, he met Tiffany and got all messed up, not knowing what to do because he had feelings for tiffany, but he had more for me. He didn't want to date me while he had feelings for her, too. So we talked it out and we started out slow.

 

We started dating, and things were going perfectly fine, I love him, and I lost my virginity (well, technically I didn't since I was raped, but you get the idea) to him. Things were going perfect!

 

Then, drama out of nowhere. He started getting mad at me because I would hang out over my friend Ashley's house alot. I apologized and told him she's the first female friend I've had in a long time that I can really be myself around and he understood. I still hung out with her, but I hung out with him an equal amount. He was fine with that, but then he started getting mad at me for not calling him when I went up there.. He expected me to call every time I left the house, and I didn't remember his number all the time (I'm terrible with numbers) so I put it in my iPod so I could call him whenever.

 

Things were going kind of fine, we had our bumps here and there but nothing big. Then my best friend Ashley dropped a bomb. She told me and him that she had feelings for him. I'm not mad at her for telling me, I'm glad she told me. She also said she wouldn't do anything until I was perfectly fine with it. She's over that now, she got over him really quickly, I guess she just thought she had feelings for him since they've been best friends for around 2 years.

 

 

All that drama passed, and the new drama rolled in. I started hanging out with Matti and G more than I used to. Darren absolutely hated this. He knows I hang out with guys, and barely with girls, he was fine with that, but he hates Matti. I'm not sure on the story with them, but Darren, Matti, G, and a bunch of their other friends used to be super close, basically all best friends. Then Darren, and a few of his friends, started getting into White Power. Matti, being 25% Jewish, was slowly being kicked out of their circle of friends. Other drama between the guys happened, not sure on what, but it ended up being Matti and G left out of the group. Now, me personally, I love Matti, he's an amazing guy, I don't get any sketchy vibes off him or anything, and he's fun to be with. Same goes for G, I don't know him as well but he's still an awesome guy.

 

Me and Darren went on a break. He didn't mean for it to last as long as it did, but it lasted around a month. Even while we were on a break he was telling me he was going to kill Matti if he heard I was up his apartment again, and he doesn't care what happens to him but he will beat Matti up if he ever hears that I'm talking to him.. Matti was kind of sketched out by all this, and decided we should stop hanging out for a bit until things cool down, but he said if Darren touched him he was going to kick his butt.. Obviously I got mad at Darren for it and told him if he touches Matti he's dead, and if Matti touches Darren, Matti's dead. He also got a little angry about me hanging out with G.

 

The Matti drama is gone now, I talk to him sometimes in the mall when I see him but I want to hang with him more, I miss him.

 

Now, he came back telling me how stupid he is, how bad he treated me, how much he loves me, and how he never wants to hear that I've been crying over him again.

 

So we try dating again.

 

So far, I've cried more this passed week than I have our whole relationship.

He started freaking on me again about the phone, when I even increaced the amount of times I call him, AGAIN!

 

He made me so angry one night. I'm not really all that into giving oral.. and he kept bugging me over and over and over again for sex, and after we did, twice, he bugs me for oral, even though he knows I don't like it, over and over and over, and I keep saying no. So he decides to text message Tiffany, the girl from before, knowing that it bugs me, since she's been telling me how much she wants to do him, and how hot he is while I'm sitting right there. So he texts her saying "Wanna ***k like bunnies?" Just kidding around, but still it bugged me. She messages back saying "Yeah, actially.. I do." and he sends her one back and doesn't let me see what it says. After that he asks me again and I say no and he's going through the list of people on his phone saying "I have a huge list of people right here who would gladly come and do that.. Want me to call them?" I just looked at him and said "Fine. Go ahead."

 

He flipped on me for hanging out with Ahley and Jill all weekend, and not him, when I told him Wednesday, if he wanted to do something, to call me, because I'm staying home until someone calls me to do something. I stayed home Thursday, Ashley called. I stay home Friday, and Saturday, Ashley and Jill call. Sunday, I get home from spending the night at Ashley's, and I find out he called me about 20 minutes before I got in. So I call him back and say that since it's late, he could come over Monday after school. Monday comes, and passes, I don't hear from him. So I talk to him today, and he gets mad about me hanging out with them all weekend, and how I never called him, even though I told him Wednesday I'm not talking to anyone on the phone unless THEY call ME. (I hate phones)

 

He also used to get mad at me for not talking about serious things, like things that happen in our relationship and all that.. I talk now. Actually, I talk about it alot.. With Ashley, and Jill. Every time I try and have a meaningful conversation with him, it just pisses him off and he brushes it off. In person, I would try and have a meaningful conversation about the problems in our relationship, but he's always in such a good mood, I don't want to ruin it, so I wait and see if he brings it up. And if he does, I try and say something and he just said "Nevermind it then.. Just whatever.." If I try and talk to him on the computer about it, he gets mad and just says "yeah whatever" and stops talking, and if I try and talk to him on the phone, he tells me to go online because he doesn't feel like being on the phone.

 

And tonight, he was talking to Ashley (he didn't know I was there) and he was telling her that I was pissing HIM off lately. HA! The nerve. And he told her about how he's going over Tiffany's tomorrow to fix her computer, when I know that Tiffany will make a move on him any chance she gets, because she's tried many times before. He was telling Ashley that he just gave up on trying to "fix everything" all the time and that he just doesn't care anymore. (By the way.. He was the one who came back to me telling me he'd do anything to get back with me) She asked him if he wanted her opinion, he said yes, she gave it, and now he hates her basically. She told him that he needs to tell me these things, not her, and try and work them out with me, and she told him her point of view, and since it wasn't in his favour, he want's nothing to do with her. Whwne all this time, she was always the one who just tried to help us out, even when she liked him.

 

Now I really don't know what to do..

I know I shouldn't have to take this..

I know I should just break up with him..

But I can't.

I really can't.

I love this guy more than anything in the world, I'd do anyhing for him, I'd give him the sun or moon if he wanted it..

But seriously, all this stress made me lose sleep (I havn't slept in 3 days), I've lost my apetite, I've been smoking more than usual, there were alot of times when I was seriously considering going back to cocaine, I've been drinking every chance I get, I've been having intense mood swings, feeling sick to my stomach, there are days when I just don't get up and miss a full day of school, there are days when I just sit in class and think, I don't pay attention at all, I've been having random fits of crying, etc..

 

I just really don't know what to do.

[MrCrazy2u]

Lol, the first thing I did after reading the title was look at the age of the OP... teenagers and drama go together like Florida and Hurricanes.

 

Alright, I scanned through... that guy's a jerk, leave him, you deserve better than someone who doesn't respect your desire for friends and definitely doesn't respect you in general

[heatheRmal]

Haha, oh man out of everyone in my town, I seem to get the most drama. And it's not just me that thinks it either, aha it's super no fun.

Unless it's the funny drama with some random girl I don't even like, like "OMFGZ YOURE SO UGLY" That kinda drama makes me laugh.

 

But yeah, I realise I deserve better sometimes, but usually I'm just thinking I'm lucky to have anything at all, besides, other then that stuff I wrote about, he's an amazing guy. Probably doesn't seem like it to you since I went on a mad rant there, haha, but he really is.

 

Thanks for the respond Mucho apreciated

[addictedblue]

those are all bad things. he's wronged you in so many ways. read what you yourself wrote!

*he'd get mad at you for hanging out with your friend ashley. he should be fine with you hanging out with girl friends.

 

*he expected you to call 24/7 when its so unnecessary

 

*Matti and G seem like decent guys, and your boyfriend ruined your relationship with them. you said yourself you miss Matti.

 

*he was trying to guilt you into giving you oral!! thats practically sexual abuse! then he tried to make you jealous..how extremely low

 

*you said yourself you know you should break up with him. yet:

 

 

 

WHY??????? he makes you do this:

 

 

i think its 100% obvious to everyone who would read this except you. you're totally blinded by love, and i can't think of anything to make you see the light, but to read what you've written. list all his good qualities, and then list all his bad ones, and put in that list all the times he's hurt you, made you feel like sh!+, caused you all the stress and all the things you said yourself, etc. this guy is hurting you emotionally and its very very bad. break it off right now. it'll be so much better.