Being friends again

[nadine_3110]

Ok guys and girls, this one is kinda complicated.

So I dated this guy 1 last year for three months, it was my first relationship and it was really really hard when he broke up with me for reasons that I either didn't understand or didn't want to understand. I was having a really hard time dealing with the situation and would spend most days crying by myself wondering why and all that, we have all been through it.

 

So I was finally starting to get over guy 1 (about 7 months after break-up) when me and guy 2 went on a date. Guy 2 and I had been really good friends for about three or four years. I had liked him in high school and I think he had liked me too. So finally we went out on a double date with two of my friends. He got up the courage to ask me to be his grad escort, I said yes and I knew that he had been planning on asking me for a while. So everything went fine, watched the movie said goodnight and that was it. But I was having doubts about my feelings for him, I wasn't sure that I could see myself being with this guy as bf and gf, just because he's more of a friend you like to tease and teases back.

 

That Monday though, I find out that guy 1 wanted to talk to me, he wanted to get back together with me. But first he said he just wanted to talk to me and see how I reacted to his feelings. I was in shock. After 7 months of being depressed and mourning his departure, I couldn't just turn my back on talking to him. So I talked to him and a couple weeks later, we got back together. As this was going on, I kept guy 2 informed because I didn't want to just leave him out of it, I felt he had to know what was going on. I did go to his graduation in June (2months into relationship with guy1) with him and everything went well, except you could tell he liked me, always sitting next to me, dancing with me, etc...

 

So here I am, ten months later, I'm still with guy 1 and things are going well, I love him and he feels the same. The only thing is now guy 2 and I's relationship is crap. We don't talk like we used to and I know it was awkward and all for him but I really miss his friendship. Yesterday I started talking to him after 2 months of silence. It went well, we had plenty to talk about but I could tell he was different. I talked to his cousin and he seems to also think that guy 2 is not over me, after almost a year. AND we only went out once. This is what I was afraid of, losing a dear friend.

 

My question is how can I get him to open up to me more, how can I help him get over me and why is it taking his so long?

 

P.S. Guy 2 has still never had a gf and I'm scared that I have ruined it for him.

[sanns677]

That is hard. To me it seems like you are doing the right thing, giving him some time and space. I don't think you can "make' him get over you. Maybe you could set him up on a date after you two can get on better terms. I think you should be gradual about talking to him though. Also make sure talking to him would not make it awkward for your boyfriend. If it does maybe you need to work on getting him comfortable first. I hope you can fix things between you, but sometimes people just want different things so you should respect it if he does not want to hang out anymore. It may just be too hard. Good luck!!

[mintblossom]

i think it's nice that you have concern for his feelings. and you could probably make him feel better by apologizing and saying that you didn't mean to affect him. but other than that, you really can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

meaning, he has the right to not want to open up to you or hang around you.

 

also, he WILL get over this on his own and he'll be fine. you didn't ruin anything.