im a guy who really has no idea, got pretty serious problems: i cant communicate

[noidea]

Hey guys thanks for taking the time to read my post, i appreciate it.

 

right heres my story. my partner and i have been together for 5 years and we r both stil at uni but our universities are pretty close to we see eachother all the time we also work at the same place. from the start of the relationship i have never been able to properly communicate and get my point of view accross.

 

it seems that wen we argue i jus clam up, my mind goes blank i really cant think of anything to say. it makes me feel stupid and unfuriates my partner. shes the type to talk about everything really mull things over and im really the total opposite.

 

we are havin problems at the moment about the time we're are spendin together. i could have moved in with her at her parents house at the beginin of this academic year but i chose not to and got a house with my friends. which was silly i know but i was frightened of losing contact with friends and thought id put so much more effort into seein my partner than friends how wrong i was. i am spendin all my spare time at my partners house and hardly any at mine. and she doesnt let me forget about how much i hurt her but movin in with friends. although i have tried my hardest to compensate by drivin back and forth to hers and my uni. she never comes to mine doesnt feel comfortable with my friends and its my fault because i didnt make the effort to make her feel comfortable.

 

she is quite a shy person around new people and doesnt hav many friends as they hav moved away but she does see them occaisionally see them. She gives me a real hard time wen i see my friends which is rare im fed up, im gettin really depressed about my inadequacy to get my views accross

 

iv jus read though this and it makes no sense really iv jumped around loads. feels like i could write forever, think i am il do it in Word thou

 

well i cant wait to hear wot people make of my nonsense thanks again x

[Aschleigh]

Write out your feelings and give it to her. Rehearse what you want to say before you get to talk to her. Go to a third independent party, like a counselor and tell them what you want to say first.

It may be you are just growing apart from her and you need to have more space. Google : communication skills and use their advice.

[beaglelover_06]

I agree with you that you want to express how you feel to your girlfriend. If you have something to say, I would write it out on and then read it to your gf. As far as her getting upset that you did not move in with her, well, I think that you made the smart move in not moving in. You do need your space and even if it means living with roommates. She needs to respect the space and time you need with friends and she also needs to try to be friends with yours. She is making it all one sided and wants to keep you to herself which is not possible. You have been accomodating enough for her and she should do the same if it is suppose to be a relationship. It is a give and take situation. Best of luck!

[noidea]

at the moment shes pretty fragile, goin through i really tough time in her last year at uni and has some medical issues etc so i dont really want to cause her any stress, but i just know that she will not like the things that iv got to say. and man shes so good at arguin and im useless!!

 

iv been writing things down this evening but it doesnt make any sense there seems to be so many different things bouncing around my head and no way to control or order wots comin out.

 

any suggestions on how to be with a very needy and high maintenance person, i hate the way that sounds.

 

very cool beagle btw

[artery]

It's quite simple what your course of action should be. Depending on your situation and what you value most. From what I read I would either say your gf is a controlling and is angry that she doesn't have friends and you do. I no this may seem silly but I have seen it before. Or say by to your friends and live with her if thats what you want. I guess you get the jist of my advice.

[ghost69]

i'm not sure how old you are but you seem young. both of you. younger girls get really clingy for some reason. you shouldn't back off from your friends because of a gf. friends should always be there through thick and thin. gfs can come and go. you do not want to live with her and her parents...trust me. that is not the smart thing to do. it seems she has some trust issues with you not being around her all the time. i mean, you work together, see each other after school, etc. if you spend more time with her you will get sick of each other. you need to have space. you need to keep good repor with your friends. it is much harder to gain a friend back than a gf.

 

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[noidea]

artery: yeh i get wot ur saying!! seems an easy way out id prefer to sort it, if i can :S

 

u guys a totally right friends are hugely important, they're who u turn to first in a bust up with the gf. i believe its an unhappy life with no friends.

 

right im workin on the communication side of things writing thoughts down etc, whats the best direction to take with regards to her constant comments about im never their,

 

for example i hav jus got off the phone to her i have a lecture tonight and one first thing in the morning so its obvious to stay at mine. but she does not like that and lets me kno about it with these little comments "its good for you isnt, but not for me" i kno i dont like this attitude but how do i express it

 

her come back to the reason im stayin at mine is "whats wrong with driving from mine to ur uni, every1 does it for work etc" jus seems silly to me its a 45min to 1 hr drive so id hav to get up very early and spend money on fuel doesnt seem logical to me but she doesnt wona kno. its really wearin me down

[ghost69]

if she can't understand that your school is most important to your future right now, you should get rid of her. once you are out of uni/college, that's why you need to worry about women being so crazy. not now. let her be upset. if she loves you enough she will chill out.

 

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