I am so confused! Input please!!

[TWIS7ER]

Here is the full story:

 

 

 

But this is now: Several weeks ago while I was doing NC. I didn't contact her for 3 days, She contacted me..We talked and spent some time together. It really wasn't like we were together again, She went to my boys ball game, I went to her boys ball game, We went out to eat, I stayed all night with her, but during this time I initiated holding her hand and she held mine, I rubbed her hair as she went to sleep. I apologized for doing these things and she said it didn't bother her.

 

Well we made plans to go out one evening, and she canceled and I was upset, I was upset because I didn't know what direction we were heading, Just friends, relationship, I wasn't sure. I called her and said that I need to know whether she was going to commit 100% to have a relationship with me. This upset her, she said we needed to worry about just talking and stuff first.

 

I couldn't just do the talking thing though, when I wanted her for the rest of my life. Then we stopped talking and I was back to NC with her. While I was doing NC. I added a bunch of girls to myspace and I acted like I was talking back and forth with a girl on Yahoo360. I would post comments on my 360 that made it really look like this chick was interested in me.

 

After a few days of this my Ex started talking to me again. well I looked at her 360 and she had added an Ex boyfriend of hers. It really made me mad so I left a message saying that her Ex can have her. When I asked her how she could go and add him she said she only did it because what was going on on my 360 and myspace. She was upset that I could just jump on the internet and start talking to all these women, when in reality I wasn't talking to any of them.

 

This all leads to where I'm at now.

 

The other day I went to her place and sat on her bed and saw that she was really hurting from everything I did in the past. She said that during our relationship that she loved me so much and I really hurt her. I never saw her like this before, I always thought that she had no heart at all. This really made me see the light and made me feel so bad for how I treated her. I came home later and made up my mind that no matter what it took I was not going to hurt her ever again, even if it took me not talking to her, I wrote her and told her how sorry I was and She would never hurt again.

 

The next day she called and asked if i could take her to go grocery shopping, I took her and then stayed at her place for a little while and talked-She started crying (something I had never seen) She said she wants to believe I can be that sweet loving man that don't get upset at the everything. She wants to believe in me. I left that night. I saw alot in her eyes that night, and I get thinking maybe we really have a shot. The next day she doesn't call. I don't see her, Nothing. Well today I get off work and try to call her and tell her I picked her up something that she had needed. No answer. well about an hour later she calls me asking if I can call somewhere for her. well I make the call for her and call her back and we talk for about an hour about general stuff.

 

I am stuck, don't know what to do or how to think, her birthday is coming up and she joked around about going out this weekend and her having a good time, I joked around saying that I need to go out this weekend to get away. She says yeah you should do that. I want to ask her out so bad, but I am afraid of rejection and I'm afraid she don't want to go out with me. I told her I wasn't going to ask her because of this.

 

I just don't know what she is wanting, why she calls after a couple of days, then she goes a day or 2 without contacting me. I sit and hope that she calls. I want our relationship back-I don't want to ask her where she stands-but I really want to know.

 

I'm asking your alls take on the situation, Why does she do this, Does she want to be with me? I just don't know what to think.

 

Please feel free to ask me as many questions as you need about the situation.

[TWIS7ER]

I have been thinking of doing two things and I need advice. Here they are.

 

1) Should I just go with the flow and just let her contact me, whenever she wants to contact me, even though it hurts to sit and wait if it don't happen.

 

2) Write her an email saying that I can't keep going on like this, Not knowing whether she wants to just talk and hangout as friends, ask her if she's looking for maybe a relationship If we can get through the friends part. Should I tell her to not contact me at all if she has no plans on ever being with me again as a couple?

 

I just hate the fact that I don't know what her intentions are. I mean she really hates that we ended up this way because she loved me so much, she wishes that we would have never went through what we have. She says she wants to believe in me so much.

 

I am so confused and don't know what to do.

 

If I do the first option, I will continue to be confused and hate being like this, If I do the 2nd option, I take the chance of throwing everything that could possibly be away, but I find out where I stand.

 

Sometimes I feel she only contacts me when she needs a favor. I don't want to think thats all it's for. Why would it upset her if I jump on the internet and talk to other girls. Especially after she stated that we needed to just start talking before we leaped. If we are just talking, Why does that bother her?

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Sir I think you are smothering her, just give her the keys to the relationship and let her drive. She is obviously hurt ands need some space. I was doing this to my ex also. It's natural for a man to want to take charge and want things to go as we plan them... But now that you realize you have no control on your ex's life you have to believe she knows what you really want and let her pace be what you live by for now. The main point is that you guys are communicating which most people on this board are not even doing. Be happy for what you have because you could end up pushing her away.

[TWIS7ER]

I really do understand what your saying, I just wish I could get it out of my mind. I just hate feeling like I am just good for favors, I don't want to feel like she only calls upon me when she needs something. It would kill me to find out thats the only reason she contacts me.

 

Every time I start the NC, I feel so much stronger and I don't sit around waiting for that call, Yes I wish for it, but I don't dwell on it. I just don't understand that if she don't want anything to do with me, why does it upset her that I get on the internet and talk to other girls (even though I'm not really)

 

During our last talk I told her that I wasn't going to do that this time, and she says she wants to believe that so bad, But she doesn't believe me.

 

I don't understand her concept or way of thinking, whats her intentions. Does she just call upon me because she knows I will be there. I do everything that she asks me to do. I ask nothing of her in return. Theres even times that she will have her kids call and say mom wants to know if I can do this or that.

 

I don't want to think that I am only good for these things. I mean it really seems like she is literally using me, but why does she get upset if she thinks I'm talking with other girls and why open up and cry in front of me? (when she was never that way)

 

I know us talking is a huge progress that many on here don't get, but all this has been going on for almost 2 months now. I'm to the point to where I can hardly take it anymore. I mean theres been progress, but in a sense there hasn't been.

[TWIS7ER]

Will people please give there advice-I'm so tempted to email her right now, But I'm afraid too.

[doyathink]

I think your relationship has run it's course! It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you anymore, or that seeing you talk to other women doesn't hurt....because she still cares for you and of course that type of thing will hurt her. But I think she knows in her own mind that your relationship was toxic. It held too much pain to endure any longer. Your not compatible.

 

I just don't know what she is wanting, why she calls after a couple of days, then she goes a day or 2 without contacting me. I sit and hope that she calls. I want our relationship back-I don't want to ask her where she stands-but I really want to know

 

This is what she said...so this is what she wants. You cant make more of it then what it is.

she said we needed to worry about just talking and stuff first.

 

she wishes that we would have never went through what we have

I believe she said this because she really does/did love you....but all the problems just tarnished and soured your relationship.

 

 

I added a bunch of girls to myspace and I acted like I was talking back and forth with a girl on Yahoo360. I would post comments on my 360 that made it really look like this chick was interested in me. when in reality I wasn't talking to any of them

I think your playing head games with her to purposely hurt her...that will come back to haunt you. You don't do this to ppl you love and care about. And....I doubt she will forget it. It just adds another nail in your coffin so to speak...because you said..

made up my mind that no matter what it took I was not going to hurt her ever again

 

^too many times!

[TWIS7ER]

Yes I think maybe it has ran it's course, I do think that she wants to be with me, but is so scared. I just wonder why after a few days she breaks NC. The other night when she cried, I did nothing to bring up the relationship, We were just hanging out, joking and enjoying conversation, then out of the blue, she starts talking about us and how we never got the opportunity to do alot more in our relationship. And she started crying when she was saying this.

 

I have noticed a few times as we talked that she has used the word "WE" as in doing something down the road.

 

I think she might be trying to test me to see if I'm going to get upset and start blabbing stupid things, because she don't call me or ask me to come down. I think she is testing to see if I say I want nothing to do with her if she can't commit, I think she is seeing if I put stuff on my 360 or myspace (I completely deleted myspace)(and I took off all females on my 360) The other day she said that give me a week or two and I will have another myspace or I'll be chatting with another female.

 

She has stated that she wished the internet never existed (and she uses it alot) She said that It had alot to do with her trust issues with me, because she knows in my marriage I used to have several personal ads out there.

While being with her I never once looked for anyone, I talked to a few women while we were broken up, but it was all about me and her(me trying to get advice)

 

Why does she keep contacting me after I go a few days without talking to her?

 

Today would have been our 10 month mark. But I will not initiate contact to bring it up, It would be nice if she acknowledged it. But I know that is wishful thinking, I think if she did, that would say alot.

[doyathink]

She has zero trust in you.

It's too hard to play mind reader so just take her for what she says and don't read between the lines.

Apparently she wants to remain friends with you but doesn't like it when you push for a relationship. Thats when she backs off. When the balls in her court and she calls you... she feels she has the control over the situation....and that is just keeping it a friendship.

 

She may be using you too!

[TWIS7ER]

What would I have to lose if I email her, saying that I feel that the only reason she contacts me is because she needs something. what if I tell her that if she wants to ever try the relationship again, to call me then.

 

Its too hard to just be friends and not wanting anything more, when I still love her. I know I take the chance of never hearing from her again and ruining what little we have now, but in the end won't I know that she isn't using me if she decides to contact me again?

 

Or should I just go with the flow of things now and see what happens, see if she continues to only contact me if she wants something?

 

I am really stuck here.

[doyathink]

What would I have to lose if I email her, saying that I feel that the only reason she contacts me is because she needs something. what if I tell her that if she wants to ever try the relationship again, to call me then.

 

Sounds fair to me.

 

Its too hard to just be friends and not wanting anything more, when I still love her. I know I take the chance of never hearing from her again and ruining what little we have now, but in the end won't I know that she isn't using me if she decides to contact me again?

I cant say that I blame you. It would be too hard for me too. But, do you really think she will be honest with you if she is just using you?

 

Or should I just go with the flow of things now and see what happens, see if she continues to only contact me if she wants something?

 

 

You could do this....but it will be a waiting game and you've shown you dont have a great track record with patients.....lol

[TWIS7ER]

Well I went with the option to email her-It was a well thought out email, I wasn't disrespectful or demanding in anyway. I guess only time will tell whether I get a response from it. I know that I took the chance of never hearing from her again by sending it. But I feel better, I know that if she doesn't respond in anyway or gets upset that the only reason she was contacting me was because she was using me. Maybe she wasn't intentionally and maybe she thought that was a way of communicating with me.

 

But I will find out one way or another now, either she will be mad and never contact me again or she will contact me and explain what her intentions were.