I'm back & I need help

[Erk]

Alright so I'm pretty excited but at the same time I feel really..I think self conscious about myself. Let me explain with the whole story, lol.

 

I had talked to this guy on myspace on and off twice since July last year. He messaged me and said "hey there, your cute," and I was like thanks and just taking it as though it was another one of those random compliments like I usually got. I took a quick look through his pictures, and I was like he's pretty cute. After a while I didn't talk to him until he IM'ed me and we talked, and then I fell in love with him over the next couple days.

 

We talked on the phone twice (25 minutes total..... haha) and all he really talked about was his recent breakup with his boyfriend (a 9 month relationship) because his boyfriend moved to texas as well as him doing drugs and cheating on him with other guys. I went along with the conversation and after a while I had realized we talked a lot about his ex. That got me thinking that that was a bad thing so I became paranoid of it. We stopped talking for 2 weeks..5weeks, until it became about 6 months since we last talked to eachother and I completely forgot about him.

 

So he commented one of my pictures the beginning of february and I was really flattered with them. He IM'ed me again and he told me that I should meet him at a lasertag place for his friends birthday party. So I got excited and it was finally the day to go, but unfortunately I forgot to tell my parents on time and I couldn't go last friday and the weather was pretty bad. I cryed that night and I was upset but his text message cheered me up and he said "we'll find another way to meet" so we didn't have school yesterday because of Presidents day, and we planned to meet up at the mall.

 

I planned it to be at 3:00pm but because of my STUPID flute lessons (heh..) I had to quickly get a hold of everyone to move the time back to go at 2:00. I was really scared that something would go wrong but it didn't. I drove up with my friends [and mom.. I only have my learners *sigh* but I get my license in may] and we walked around and looked at the clothes, shared a large fry and large coke and mcdonalds..it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. So I texted him and told him if he had gotten to the mall yet because I had to leave really soon. He said yeah and I exited the store and I saw him and I ran over because I was so excited lol.

 

We said hey, and introduced our friends...ugh. His friends actually talked to me, while I told him who my friends were and they weren't really paying attention when I told him. He was so cute, better in person. While he was being all gay with his friends (lmao) my two other friends were playing with my phone, while I was talking to my other one asking her "what should I do?" and then I just did something weird and raped his foot. (don't ask..unless you want, lmao.) so he and his friends laughed and I was all conscious and I was like "whew I did something.." and then his friend said that we have to go wait for someone outside and I went with them for a bit and then I decided to go back with my friends. (on the way I saw my mom but she didn't see me, thank god. my parents cannot know I'm trying to get a boyfriend)

 

So then I wanted to find him again but I didn't because my mom called and we had to go and so I just texted him that it was too late to find me because im driving and then I said "aww your cute" He said thanks and you too and again, he said we'll find another time to meet again. That text has been making me think as well as questioning my attractiveness, am I really cute?

 

I mean I've been told by many people but whenever I look in the mirror, somedays I think I'm really cute but then there are days where I'm like ugh I'm not attractive.. I don't know. I always look at my flaws that no one ever sees and I just continuously beat down my self esteem..

 

The other thing is I don't know where is a good place to go to meet up with him again. This time I want to go alone but the problem is my parents can't be there..

[Imaginary]

I'll ask about the foot.

 

Anyway, you look better than how you think. People tend to find their own faults much more unappealing than how they really are. On the other hand, even if you are the ugliest guy on earth, if he finds attractive, who cares? beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (Is that a cliche? well, it makes the point)

 

As for a place, well, think of places your parents wouldn't want to go. A movie they couldn't stand, (and movies are good cause the room is dark and the main focus is the movie, so if you fear someone could spot you, though you didn't mention it) or some food place they hate, etc. Or ask someone for a lift. That would work too. If your parents see him, do you really have to explain, for all they know, he's just another friend.

 

Good luck.

[Erk]

I'll ask about the foot.

 

Anyway, you look better than how you think. People tend to find their own faults much more unappealing than how they really are. On the other hand, even if you are the ugliest guy on earth, if he finds attractive, who cares? beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (Is that a cliche? well, it makes the point)

 

As for a place, well, think of places your parents wouldn't want to go. A movie they couldn't stand, (and movies are good cause the room is dark and the main focus is the movie, so if you fear someone could spot you, though you didn't mention it) or some food place they hate, etc. Or ask someone for a lift. That would work too. If your parents see him, do you really have to explain, for all they know, he's just another friend.

 

Good luck.

 

ah I should have said I don't know if he finds me attractive or not but yeah I will try to setup a place to go. A movie would be great, however I don't want to make him drive an hour just to get to my area, because my parents will think "why would you want to go down there when theres a movie theater 15 minutes away?" & lol, my parents assume all my male friends are gay because I barely have any guy friends, just a bunch of girl friends.

 

oh yeah and about the foot thing, he started laughing and he lyed down on the bench with his feet sticking out so I pretended to have sex with his foot and I made a weird sound, haha.

[NKP]

Bus to where you wanna met then