No effort?

[tidomann]

Well, I've been going out with a girl for four months, and things have been going pretty smoothly,

 

but lately in the last two weeks I feel that I'm kind of smothering her, or more exactly that I'm having to put most of the effort in while she puts in non... Also realizing that I'm the one that usually has to carry the conversation (I mean, she never really talks, or engages the conversation), I thought that I'd try to just kind of back off, hang out with my friends for the weekend, and let her carry the conversations..

 

Needless to say, we've barely talked all weekend on msn... She never seems to call anyway, and if we do talk on msn, usually it's a "Hey, hey" convo, that goes nowhere past 4 lines. Today she left without saying goodbye or anything..

 

Needless to say, is it alright for me to be doing this? I mean, I'm extremely tired of having to carry the conversation, and I want to see if she even wants to put any kind of effort into the relationship. I don't want to be clingy, so I thought that doing this for a week wouldn't be too bad. I'd spend some time with my friends, focus on my studies etc. But this is only the weekend, 2 days of doing this and she hasn't said anything...

 

So tomorrow I'll see her at school, and I'm just wondering if I'm just in doing this? Our 5 month anniversary is coming up so w/e i guess

[HellFrost666]

Do you mean is taking this little hiatus from her just? I think so. You are very patient. Most guys (myself included) would have dumped her by now.

[tidomann]

yeah basically.. (Hiatus is a good word..)... So you would have dumped her? I kind of got the notion to do that at one point, but things picked up and seemed to get alot better, but the problems have started up again..

 

any other opinions?

[anggrace]

When you say she doesn't put in much effort, are you just talking about her not talking much? How else does she not make an effort?

 

You are in a new relationship and just starting to learn about eachother, so I wouldn't make any assumptions. I wouldn't back away if its more of her that you want. That is going to tell her the oppposite. Give her a chance to know how you feel. If you want any kind of future with her, your going to have to be able to talk. Just keep it simple. Tell her you get the feeling she's not that into you- and tell her why.

[HellFrost666]

yeah basically.. (Hiatus is a good word..)... So you would have dumped her? I kind of got the notion to do that at one point, but things picked up and seemed to get alot better, but the problems have started up again..

 

any other opinions?

 

Well yes, I would have.

 

I know it sounds harsh, but if she isn't putting any effort into the relationship why bother then? My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and I see her as my equal, and vise versa. What is the point of being with somone who doesn't talk to you, leaves without saying goodbye, etc? It's like she acts as if you two aren't even dating.

 

But, now after reading your second post, and seeing that things got better for you at one point, then started again changes my opinion a little. Why don't you talk to her about this? Maybe things will get better for you again. It does sound like she takes you for granted though, and that isn't a good thing.