She broke up so i can get my self sorted out

[steelsabre]

Hi all,

 

I guess i needed to say something to someone about this issue im having.. feels strange writing this down but ill try an explain it to you guys as best i can.

 

I ve been in a relationship with an amazing girl for over a year and it was great i mean i am so in love with this girl, she has a 5 year old son. The good thing about that is when i have my 6 year old daughter they get along really well.

 

i am 24 she is 22. I am writing this because she broke up with me about a week ago and has asked me for some space, i find it extremely hard to just let go and forget about it because well for the last year we have done everything together. I have some problems getting things done and she wants me to fix myself before us going any further.

 

This is the email she wrote me on the night after our break up

 

 

 

She wants no communion, for a while but to me thats just wrong lol.. ive had past relationship when my ex has done a similar thing to "let me down" easy.

 

Im having trouble not calling her and giving her what she needs. I feel like such a child, for the first time in a long time im just haplessly in a wreck. ITs all i can think about. I obsess over it, i over annalyse everything, to the point where i make up the worst case scenario situations in my mind, I am going crazy!

 

I think to myself grow the hell up and to think rationally but my gut instinct tells me not to let this happen.

 

I know i have had some problems i do suffer from ADD, and it reflects alot in everything i do. I know i need to work on myself and i am. But she said she cant be there for me anymore. She is at tafe doing personal a training course. I feel like she is moving on with her life and leaving me behind.

 

In the back of my mind i tell my self that she doesn't want to be with me so why am i doing this, putting my self through all this pain. I should just let it go right ?

 

I really dont know what to do, i know im not strong enough not to call her and leave her alone, and i know in the end i will bugger it all up.

[Zaphod]

She's taken the trouble to say she'll wait for you!

 

Gotta take it at face value, man. My girl just dumped me I suspect for similar reasons, however she has told me there's no going back. At least yours has said you can come back. It's there in black and white in the email.

 

If she's gonna let you down she's gonna let you down - however if you get yourself sorted out then if she does let you down at least you'll be sorted out yourself.

Your sorting of yourself out is your safety net against her letting you down. Think about it. It's gotta be done.

[Zaphod]

"

will wait for you carl...i love you too much and want us to work for me

not to...i hope you will still want to be with me in the end...i know i run

that risk...but right now i have to take it.

"

 

 

Good luck.

[Echo]

Steel....hang in there...and if you have ANY hope of getting back with this girl.........give her spcae LOOOOTS of space. More than she asked for.

That is the loving thing you can do right now. Look over all these No Contact forums and you will see.........if someone asks for space ..GIVE IT TO THEM!!!!

[steelsabre]

Zaphod, Echo, thanks for you replys, you guys are right its good to hear the rational thing to do. I hope i can do it because she means so much to me,

 

Zaphod im sorry to hear about your gf dumping you i can imagine what your going through eh..

[steelsabre]

She met a couple that are 30+ and they look after her son after school, its funny this happened around the time she met these people, she started staying for dinner at there place etc, over a week. She now goes to the gym with this woman before tafe sometimes she ended up seeing a personal traniner that she met on a night out ages ago and he told her she can come in and watch him and ask him questions etc and she is on tuesday next week, I guess its a good oppitunity for her as she wants to be a personal trainer and the point is she told me about it, but still it wracks my nerves... I mean stuff like that kills me.

 

i guess when it comes down to it im afraid of possibility... lol This is frucked and i feel for who ever is going through anything similar!

[Echo]

Steel...........

What you do..is be REALLY cool. DO NOT LET YOUR INSECURITY show!!!

This could be a VERY temoporary thing for her...........let it ride out.

YOU get busy doing your OWN thing. Work out, do fun stuff ..whatever, go on a trip.......she WILL get curious about where YOU are, but you MUST allow her the time to do that!!!! I give her three weeks tops.

[g1234567890h]

Give her some time to miss you. She'll come back. My girlfriend breaks up with me on a weekly basis and I let her miss me for a while. It usually takes about one hour for her to come back.

[steelsabre]

thanks to everyone thats written to me... its amazing to know that ppl care and take the time to write back, even thou you dont know me.. you guys rock.

 

Im gonna try to do NC lol (new word i learnt here lol) let her miss me... and see what happens... and play it cool as best i can.

 

Ill let you guys know what happens eh

[Northalius]

Yes. Give her space. If your love is true for her, and not simply needy, selfish obsessiveness, then you'll let her go when she requests she wants space to do something.

 

I understand having feelings for someone, strong feelings, but true love is rational, not irrational. In true love, is respect, for ones self, as well as their partners' requests to be alone when they want to be left alone. In true love, is understanding.

 

Just try to picture yourself in her shoes. It'll most likely give you a lot more comfort knowing where she's coming from, rather than simply seeing how she's not in your grasp; from your point of view, alone, it's always harder to take things into consideration. But when you imagine yourself in someone elses shoes, and even picture yourself being viewed through their eyes, it makes things a bit more understandable.

 

And remember, love is not simply a word, not simply a mere emotional feeling, but an actual action that is given to yourself, and others.

 

And it's nice she wrote you that email, giving you a bit more comfort, in seeing she's not dumping you; she plainly says she's waiting for you, and hoping you'll do the same! Be very glad for that!

[steelsabre]

thank you, you are right. The initial shock has gone, it hurts like hell, but the simple fact is i love her.

 

It the fear of possibility that haunts me, who is she with, what is she doing, is she with someone else, and i go through all these sceanarios in my head what could be happening" but then i realise that if she truly loves me, and whats to be with be she will in the end.

 

It would of been easyer if she just ended it right out, but its like she is keeping me around just in case lol.....

 

i love her, and ill be here for her, but for myself first.

 

So as much as it pains me, no contact. and if she dosnt call me back... then the pain will subside eventually, the great depression will evenutaly dim till there is nothing left but fond memories.

 

I will always love her.

 

Thank you

[dracoss]

Steel would like to know if you were able to give her the space. And how it worked out? I am in a similar position. Its tough, hardest thing to do is not be a part of someones life that you love. But I understand letting them wonder, from what I have read elsewhere helps. Hope you are doing well. Let us know...

[steelsabre]

hey just a quick update, i managed to give her one week lol, before calling her again, nothing changed. then another week, called her again. We met up, i found out she went on a date, but she realised that she still loves me, its ok because i did the same thing. I couldnt even look at this girl i went out with.

 

We met up last night and spoke... she still needs time. Wants us to separate and then come back together as differant more mature people..( aka she wants to have a single life for awhile) and to be honest my sense of dignity is returning, so i think stuff it, why put my self through so much pain. So i have to let it go now. Ive tried my hardest.. time will tell if anything else changes... but the thing is its always on my mind... always... i cant go out and enjoy myself.. it just takes control and i think about it.

 

Its a good time to learn some control over that raging monkey in my mind

 

all i can say is if they ask for time.. give to them.. work on yourself as much as possible.. now if i only took the advice from this thread my situtation would of have been very differant now.

 

What you have to do when a woman tell you she needs a break... is leave.. take your stuff... and move on.. she will come back or she wont.. trying to push her into giving you what you want will only push her away... You need to pull her back with attraction, and nothing else... neediness and "love" just pushes them away.

 

I just hope its not too late to late, as this is all only just become my train of thought.

 

Damn i love her so much

[DragonGirl724]

Its important that 2 people are on the same level while in a relationship. I have 'split up with'/kept distance from/refrain from talkin to my bf too so he can get his life back in order and do sometings he needs to get done on his own now and not having me constantly pushing him. I want us to get back together too when all is said and done, but time will tell...and thats a hard reality to accept, that thigns don't always go as planned. . I know how hard it was on your GF to do what she did, but she is doing it for the good of you & the relationship you both share. Her actions should be respected, it's a nobel thing to do to leave the one you love for the better sake of their partner. it's hard as heck to deal with and i have no doubt that she misses you like crazy and that this is painful on her. i believe she truly loves you and she is doing this with genuine sincere unselfish motives.

"I feel like she is moving on with her life and leaving me behind."

She is NOT abandoning you. She is silently supporting you. How do you think she'd feel if she spends the rest of her days trying to push you to get your life in order? I have done it and it's painful on the relationship and it exhausts and irritates both parties involved. Both you & her need to have control over your own life before you actively involve someone else in it.

 

Goodluck and it sounds to be she is a keeper. So you both need to get a move on things in your own world. Don't let one of the good ones slip through your fingers.

 

Goodluck.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

well i just read your most recent reply steelsabre...maybe this is just one of those things where people test themselves to see if they are doing the right thing or not and find out where their heart is at...well anyways goodluck to the both of you.

 

-DG724