He's such an idiot

[lostinreading]

Hi everyone,

 

I met him at Uni a year and a half ago while I was still with my ex. There was a clear spark between us from the word go, one that I have only felt with one other person before (not my ex). At the time, I became just platonic friends with him because I was really in love with my bf, but a couple of months later he started going out with someone and I was really jealous! I didn't say anything about it to him, just acted like everything was fine and even tried quite hard to get along with her (we never clicked).

 

My bf breaks up with me, I text a few people that night looking for support, including him (mainly cause I'd seen him the week before and I knew he'd be really good, he's awesome with emotional stuff being a psychology grad). he called me and talked me through leaving my flat on the phone, making sure I had everything I needed, checking I had somewhere to go that I felt safe and secure. He was really awesome.

 

We text each other for the next couple of days, just friendly stuff. Then he tells me he loves me, and that we're soulmates and that he wishes he was with me and he's jealous of whoever I'm spending time with. I freak out and tell him that I've just (literally 72 hours ago) come out of a very serious relationship and I can barely cope with my own mother telling me she loves me right now but that I appreciate all the support he has given me.

 

I assumed that he had split up with his gf, cause I wouldn't say I loved someone else if I was in a comitted relationship. Silly me.

 

I go to see him last week. He says they are still together and he's just not happy but he feels he's invested too much to walk away (they live together, work together etc). I tell him maybe he shouldn't talk to me about these things cause its not right. He says he gets in trouble with his gf for talking to me (I wonder why! Could it be because he tells me he loves me?!)

 

The next day I sent him an email to say that I don't think its right that we carry on trying to be "friends" when we clearly have feelings for each other. I say I'm not interested in being anyone's bad guy and its not fair on his girlfriend, also I've had enough heartbreak for one year already.

 

He sends me an email asking me not to run away and that it won't solve anything. He says I know how he feels about me but he doesn't know what to do, he feels like he can't do right for doing wrong. I send him one back saying I think I might feel the same and so its emotional infidelity on his part and I'm not interested in being the catalyst for anyone's break up. his gf works in his department at the uni he works at and I attend so it would be really awkward. I told him he knows where I am if he ever sorts is head out but I didn't want to wait around.

 

Even though I've stopped things before anything REALLY inappropriate happened (we never even kissed), I still feel really guilty for having feelings for someone who is taken.

 

So the point, I know (or at least I think) I've done the right thing, but I really do have feelings for him. I miss him so much. I know I should just move on and give him up as a bad job but I can't stop thinking about him. Do you think he thinks about me too? Is everything he said total bs? Arg!

 

Why would you tell someone you love them while still going out with someone else? Boys are stupid (I know I'll get flame grilled for that one, so not all boys, just this boy, is stupid.)

[EvaGina]

Hes a coward

I wouldnt have anything to do to him until he breaks up with his GF.

That "invested too much time" bs is PATHETIC...

 

hes disrespecting You, her and himself.

[emma34]

From your description of this guy, it is to no surprise to me that he told you he loved you...and heres why I think he did - because he felt something strongly, and for some ppl, this is nearly impossible to hide. I think that he said it thinking it would make you happy to hear it (and maybe he felt it too), but most definitely did not think it through.

 

Your right when you say this is emotional infidelity and I personally think you've done a really good job at being clear with him about your intentions - from here it up to him to make the move - which I suspect will unfortunately never happen. I've met men like this - last summer a man who told me he loved me, constantly expressing his adoration of me (when I was the one who had the boyfriend) and after time it became clear to me that he had no intentions of wanting a relationship with me, but got pleasure out of making me feel good and knowing that I felt something for him - even though he'd never have to deal with it.

 

Don't feel too much of a loss here, because he sounds like a loose cannon if you ask me. And with this mental disorder that you describe, (while i'm not saying that you should avoid ppl with menta disorders - i've been diagnosed with depression) I'd wonder...what would it be like to be his girlfriend?? From what you say - sounds like it would be pretty dam hard.

 

you HAVE done to the right thing, and i'm sure he thinks about you - and i bet he'll try to make contact with you again...but whatever you do, stick to your guns, because you know what is right.

[lostinreading]

Aww you guys Thanks for taking the time to read my looooong post!

 

And thanks for replying so quickly. Emma, you're right, he didn't think it through. and Eva, you're also right, he is disrespecting everyone involved. man I'd be so mad/gutted if I was his girlfriend right now! But I guess she doesn't know the half of it.

 

Part of me thinks I'm just transferring, that I'm still not over my ex (although I am well into acceptance), and that I miss having someone to think that way about. After all its nice isn't it? To have that spark with someone. But it soured for me when i found out he was still with her. Cause I couldn't get over how gutted I'd be if I were her.

 

(And just for the info, the ex who split with me had a mental illness (quite severe OCD). And this one is bi-polar. I don't half know how to pick them! It makes me sound creepy but out of three long term boyfriends, two have had mental illness, theres something wrong there no? the non-crazy ones just aren't quite so exciting