Moving to a different state

[Suesser Tod]

Well, job hunt may end up taking me to a different state.

 

Basically I had an interview for a job, where many people from my old job has moved to, and today I'll have the second interview. I know it is highly probable that I'll get the job, as I have more or less the same profile of the other people that has been hired there, as we used to work together.

 

At this point, obviously, I'm not sure if I'll get the job, but I have already started to give it some thought.

 

 

The main thing is, it is on a different state. Driving it is 5 hours away, airplane is like an hour or so.

 

 

What worries me? Well, it is a different state, where I know no one, away from my family, and also, away from my significant other. She is in the university, and she is still two semesters away from graduating. And, more important, I don't know if she would be willing to move to a different state with me, as we don't live together and we've been together only for 10 months.

 

I'm in love with her, and it terrifies me to lose her. But I also know that at the end of the day, I've only got myself, so I shouldn't stop looking out for myself.

 

 

So, in the worse scenario, I end up losing her, and also I would be away from my family. In the best scenario, We would have to keep a LDR until next year (if she agrees to move to the other state) and I would be away from my family. I guess there are shades of gray, but I don't want to think about them all right now.

 

This job would be really close to what I used to do in my old job, which I really liked a lot, and would also give me chances to move to a different country if I play my cards rigth, so if I get it, it would be a big oportunity.

 

What would you do? Do you think it would be adviseable to keep going with this oportunity? Or would you stop and look for something else?

 

 

I can't help but think I'm a dork for thinking about this while I don't even know if I got the job

[Iceman26]

You have to do what is right for you. If this is a good opportunity for you to better yourself and make some money, than I think you should do it.

 

If she feels the same way about you, then things will work out.

[Lboogie23]

I say, if this job is really what you want for your self than go for it!

You said yourself that it could really be a big opportunity for you. and if you don't do it, then maybe you will always wonder what might have been, you know?

Your girlfriend, if she loves you like you love her, will stay in the relationship. Even if it means long distance, or moving with you. If she doesn't, maybe theres something else or someone else that you were meant to be with in this new state. I'm just projecting here. What i'm saying is she should support you no matter what if she wants to be with you.

If you want to do it and you don't you will regret it. My fiance, when he was in the military, he go the chance to be stationed in japan. which was like his all time dream to go to japan. But he passed up on the offer bc of the women he was married to at the time, he didn't think that she would wait for him or stay faithful. five years later they separated and he regrets not going to this day.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i would analyze where this job fits in terms of your long term goals, and how badly you would be off if you refused it, either financially or from a career prospective.

 

if it is just any old job and you might be able to find just as good one where you are, and can afford to wait and have other prospects, then don't take it... but if it is getting critical and you need the money, or it is a GREAT job, then you might consider it...

 

also, where do you really want to live? in that city, or your own, and how are job prospects where you want to live... it is a balance of all these things, both your potential prospects, and what you need to be happy.

 

LDRs are indeed hard, but if it is a great opportunity and you need to take it, then discuss it with your girlfriend and see how she feels about it too...

 

no easy answer on this, but put down the pros and cons of staying vs. going, and see which list feels the strongest.

[Siriana]

If this job gives you an opportunity not to be stuck in a place you are stuck now - I say go for it. If you can get the same job with same opportunites at your place don't do it.

 

Also ask yourself if you feel ready enough to live away from all the people you know without getting really depressed.

 

She is still in Uni and you can't now if she would do the same after graduation - choose to move for a great job opportunity.

Also you are dating, not living together, you're not engaged.

She's young.

[vandgsmom]

Well, it does seem you are in between a rock and a hard place.

 

Like everyone else I would encourage you to do all that you can to further yourself. You SO will either come or not, but in the end, she will respect you for being a strong man enough to make the decisions he had to in order to further himself.

[Suesser Tod]

She is still in Uni and you can't now if she would do the same after graduation - choose to move for a great job opportunity.

Also you are dating, not living together, you're not engaged.

She's young.

 

That is exactly what I'm worried about. She is only 23, I don't think it would be fair for me to ask her to move with me, or to ask her to marry me, she is way too young!

 

When I started dating her, I thought of that as an advantage, as I wouldn't have to worry about getting serious for a while (years), but now I realize this girl is worth getting serious with.

 

She has a lot of plans for her life, she wants to travel once she is done with university, she wants to live on her own. The first thing we may be able to deal with, the second one I'm not so sure about it.

 

 

If this job gives you an opportunity not to be stuck in a place you are stuck now - I say go for it. If you can get the same job with same opportunites at your place don't do it.

 

Also ask yourself if you feel ready enough to live away from all the people you know without getting really depressed.

 

 

Well, I can tell you this. This job would pay 50% more than my old job did, and here in Mexico City all the job offers I've found so far, pay about 75% or 50% of what my old job did (that is 25% to 50% LESS).

So I can say, for sure, that this would be an opportunity. Also, it is the kind of job I like, and the best part, this company does offer me a carreer path that the old one didn't (I worked for an outsourcer, so the carrer path was non-existant, as it was limited to the project, outside that project there was nothing for me).

 

 

As for living on my own...

 

 

I'm a loner, and my ex-girlfriend kept me away from all my old friends for so long, that I was never able to get those friendships back. So being out of friends is not the problem.

What worries me is to be away from my parents. In part I'm really going to miss them, but I am also concerned about how they will feel if I move away, as I'm the youngest of two sons, ans the only one that lives with them.

[Siriana]

This is a difficult choice.

Yeah, I also think she's young and that she needs some more time to live the life you already lived after getting a diploma. Being carefree for a while, getting her first job, spending money the way she wants too...

 

Of course maybe I am little bit biased when it comes to that problem because I was always thinking how an age gap makes things difficult to adjust. I was always thinking different phases in life is an obstacle.

Of course not all girls want the things from above paragraph. This is what I wanted - and I wasn't ready to get married at 23.

 

I see your point - without you moving to another state that would be such a great relationship - you would have enough time to get to know better knowing that marriage doesn't have to be on the table for a while.

 

This way it's tricky.

You could try LDR but as in any other LDR you need to eventually live at the same place one day to suceed. So that would mean after she gains her diploma. Thats pretty soon.

Trying LDR might work for a while. As the time passes by you'll see how things will develop.

 

Me being pesimistic (or good well informed realist ;-)) hopes that things will work out just fine, but also I think you moving away will eventually brake the relationship.

 

Also I think you can't base such an important decision on a relationship (since you said chances on your new job are waaay better than in your country) that is somewhat new, with a partner who still needs to experience those years that are way behind you.

 

When it comes to your parents, it's a tough one.

You can always come every now and than to see them.

And install them camera on their computer

 

Well my advice would be give it a try. The best thing in life is that you can always change your mind!

So you could go with setting yuorself a certain time frame you'll spend there before making a decision to stay abroad or to come back home. Maybe a year or something....?