I need your help.

[darkpumpkin]

I go through this horrible phase. I get scared that my boyfriend doesn't love me. I over react over stupid things. I feel at times that he doesn't love me if he hasn't said it first in a day. Or that he's drawing away from me. If I haven't heard from him for a few hours. I have caused fights because of this. I don't always feel this way. Sometimes I am completely confident in our relationship and that it will last. ButI am wrecking my relationship becasue of my paranoia and need to have attention to confirm how he feels about me. I need to be fixed. Please help me. Please tell me what I can do to teach myself just to be in this. To give him the trust he deserves instead of every now and again not trusting how he feels.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey darkpumpkin -

 

Maybe you could let him in on your issue. Maybe he'll be able to help you get thru it. I mean, maybe there is something he'll be able to say to make you feel better about it.

 

I think his having an understanding could be most helpful.....

 

Have you already discussed this with him?

[anggrace]

I agree that you should tell him exactly what you told us. I also thing you should see a therapist about it. Ive had similar issues and going to a therapist helped me understand why I reacted the way I did. It was very helpfull! Its hard sometimes to figure these things out on your own and while I think it would be good if your bf could help you through this, you don't want to have to depend on him to solve anything. That is something you should do on your own or w/ profesional help.

[darkpumpkin]

I have talked about this with him. But it's going on 4 months now and he is getting very very frustrated. We both over react very easily and read into more then what is really meant. But he never worries about us or that we will break up. He believes a fight is just a fight. And I have tried to believe that as well. I mean right now I sit here now almost in panic mode thinking because of all the fights we have had he's going to break-up with me. After he's already text me this morning and asked how I have been. After yesterday him sending me a sweet text msg and calling me before I called him. We are seeing a counsaller on Thursday but I was wondering if you have any tips I can do right now. Just to calm down.

[anggrace]

Oh good! I think thats great he decited to go with you to a counselor. But I do recomend going to see one alone as well. In the meentime, how to calm down? My only suggestion would be to try and take off the s* goggles. Try to focus on the positive. He obviously has some good qualities.

[darkpumpkin]

Yes he does. I just wish I could be confident in his love for me.

[karvala]

Well you've already done two of the hardest things in the situation, which are (1) recognising the problem (and it's a familiar one; many of us have been there), and (2) taken action to start dealing with it (in the form of going to see a counsellor, which is an excellent idea). HUGE kudos to you for doing that.

 

I'm guessing at the times you doubt his love for you, you're thinking about him a lot. Thinking about what he feels towards you. Wondering what he really meant in that last text/e-mail (and maybe even re-reading it again to see if the words will somehow mean more, or you can get a different sense from them?). And the thoughts go round and round in your head, interrupting other things that you do, which don't seem important in comparison? Am I right? And perhaps expecting things, and wondering why he didn't do them ("why didn't he send that text? Why didn't he say he loves me today; he said it yesterday; does that mean he doesn't love me now? Is he trying to tell me something?").

 

You can overcome it, with help (individual counselling would certainly be beneficial as well). I won't promise it will be easy. But I will promise it's possible.

 

For now, set yourself a small challenge. Convince yourself that he will happy NOT to hear from you for a few hours (you can decide how many; you know the relationship and what he's likely to be happy with, but be realistic). Convince yourself, if you can, that he will love you more for it. Tell yourself that every time you go to contact him. Say it out loud if you can.

[darkpumpkin]

I feel that maybe I have worn down our relationship to much. Do you think I can save it? We both are so tired of fighting and the future we once saw in each other is disappearing due to all the fighting. Do you think I will be able to save this?

[karvala]

I feel that maybe I have worn down our relationship to much. Do you think I can save it? We both are so tired of fighting and the future we once saw in each other is disappearing due to all the fighting. Do you think I will be able to save this?

 

Yes, I do. I really do. If you're still together, and love each other, then it's never too late to fix something like this and save the relationship. Go for it.