stupefied Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I hand delivered a letter last friday to my ex and have yet to receive a response...call me crazy, but yes I did actually expect to. Now I'm fighting the urge to call and say WTF! - did you not read what I had to say? Did it not move you to want to at least talk about things? (apparently not) - which pisses me off. Dayum, I feel so weak! Help me be strong. Dunno if I can do it alone. Polite Link to comment
sabena Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Depends really on what you put in the letter. But when people told me not to contact my ex when we broke up for a bit the main reasons why was 1. Because they need the time and space totally alone 2. Because I would expect a response and would be upset when I didnt get one. Also, she may not have read the letter yet. Some people when they receive these things resist the temptation to open and read them because they know it can hurt. As hard as it is, and its obvious that it is for you, you need to not call her and move on, just as you are doing. Link to comment
White Rider Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 hey there i know how u feel, it really bugs of not to get an answer, just dont think about it forget it and move on, you have to, maybe she will answer u one day, but for now, put it behind you couse its not doing you any good best wishs Link to comment
stupefied Posted September 4, 2003 Author Share Posted September 4, 2003 yea, thanks guys.... but as much as i know you are right, it's like i need some type of contact with my ex..whether it be a tear-jerking conversation or a knock-down, drag out fight.....anything is better than nothing. i think. i know i sound silly, but i can't help it. Link to comment
sabena Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I take it then that you feel that you have not had proper closure on this? If not, then maybe if you know you are not getting back you should phone her and ask for closure, in order that you can move on. Link to comment
stupefied Posted September 4, 2003 Author Share Posted September 4, 2003 There has been no closure, because there has been no communication-not by my choice of course. I just have so many questions (which i was constantly told i ask too many of) I think if i try to contact my ex now, it may be too soon and make things worst. But what's there to lose. Things will never be the same. Link to comment
its your life Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Stupefied I know where you are coming from. I had a recent breakup and really didn't get many answers, just that it was best for her to split and she needed to be selfish. I did the whole "no chatting for a few weeks" to let things settle. But you have to get closure here. I've been told you apolgize for anything wrong you did in a relationship (with a letter, call etc) and then start to forgive yourself. Then you can move on. [if you are planning on getting back with her, the amount of letters or promises won't help, you have to demonstrate how you've changed in order for things to work out again] But without the answers - you can't move on. Call her, she owes it to you to know what happened, so that you can be settled. Cause if she really liked you she will want you to be happy and move on. Taking my own advice.... Link to comment
stupefied Posted September 4, 2003 Author Share Posted September 4, 2003 thanks......... I think I'll go for it. What do I have to lose. If my ex still refuses to talk (hangs up) I'll accept that. I wont try again. I can't keep putting myself thru this. It's not even that I want to get back together, it's been 2.5 mos now. I just don't want to feel miserable and sick everyday. I want to be happy again. I'll let you know how it goes....wish me luck. Polite Link to comment
stupefied Posted September 4, 2003 Author Share Posted September 4, 2003 It didn't go as terrible as I thought. The ole ex was at work when i called on cell phone. Conversation was short, yet civil. Went like this: me: I have mail for you ex: Kinda busy right, now me: what your new address and I'll send it thru mail ex: can i talk to you later.. me: ok, bye ? should i wait for a call? if ex doesn't call soon, should i call back? I didn't get the closure, but at least it was civil. I think I should give it time...mail not real important, just junk...an excuse for me to call. I feel good that ex is not hostile...I think it's a start to both healing and moving on for us both. any thoughts? Link to comment
its your life Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 Stupefied, awesome job in calling. Doesn't it feel good you guys are at least on talking terms? (albeit I bet you've had better conversations ) As for you, no more calls for ANY reason. You have set things in motion, SHE needs to respond. And it could take a week or so. (which is normal). So kick back, get some new hobbies, chill with friends and make her show she cares enough to respond. That wasn't exactly closure, but I am sure the next time you talk stuff will come out and you can get what you both need. Good start to the road back to happiness.. Link to comment
Mar Posted September 4, 2003 Share Posted September 4, 2003 I agree with its_your_life......you've done your part, let her do hers. Hanging on is only going to either annoy her or drive you crazy, one or the other. I had NO closure with my ex, no last words, no NOTHING (besides a car chase after I found out that he eloped with someone he'd met 4 weeks earlier while with me and didn't bother telling me about, but that's another story.....) Just move on, and let go....if someone is THAT selfish not to have the decency to at least give you a solid explanation for the breakup, they don't deserve your kind words and actions. Start living for yourself again! Link to comment
infaith Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 doesn't it just drive you nuts! it's hard when you have an expectation and its not met...it can be ringing in your head day and night...bugs you like hell! when my ex was contemplating to break up with me, i poured out my feelings in a letter... that didn't change his mind one bit...just a cold "why did you write that letter for?" 3 weeks after the breakup, he sent me an email to ask how i was... i was adament to give both of us space for at least a couple of months, so did not reply.. seemed that he was awaiting my reply, so when nothing came, he fwd the same email to another of my mail account... that was then i softened and decided to reply, but not before telling myself that i cannot have any expectations cuz i would be disappointed... it was a mistake...i begain checking my email a dozen times a day... i was upset i did not hear from him... it's very hard not to have any expectations...any hopes... we might deny it at first or try to prevent it, but it is there...tugged somewhere in our hearts...the silent longing to hear what you want... it is very difficult to just numb yourself to it... so try not to do anything that would give you hope... a breakup is painful enough...being disappointed again and again would prolong your hurt... and i guess you have been hurt enough...please take care of youself Link to comment
stupefied Posted September 5, 2003 Author Share Posted September 5, 2003 infaith - always good to hear from you! Thanks to all of you for responding. I can't help but have hope. Not expecting to get back w/ ex, just get some clarity on what happened - closure. (I will forgive, but never forget how she tried me) Like I stated before, this is the best I've felt in months, and it wasn't a lengthy conversation. I'm glad i spoke to my ex yesterday. It did give me hope, and also enabled me to finally have a decent nights sleep. I'm tired of feeling terrible. Clinging to the hope that she doesn't hate me and that we are working towards SOMETHING make me feel sooooo much better...can't be clear on what exactly i mean. Now all I have to contend with is the wait. I don't want to make foolish mistakes, but I've decided to do whatever it takes for me to feel better.....NO MORE PAIN! Link to comment
musikman Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 Hello and i want to say, I understand. I have had the same feelings. I am in the middle of a divorce and my ex does not return calls and we have two kids. So, You can only control you. Tell yourself one day at a time that "I" am going to do things for me. Anything you expect from someone else is a expectation and in a divorce that does not work. Expect to have the feelings and expect to live through them. Blessings to you. Link to comment
stupefied Posted September 5, 2003 Author Share Posted September 5, 2003 Guys: I screwed up....I called, she hung up. Dazed!!!!!!! Link to comment
infaith Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 dear stupefied... after she hung up, i can imagine your heart was pounding and you just sat there blanked out... my ex wiped out all the emails we exchanged throughout our 5 years together a few days ago...and that was how i felt... sigh...reality checks can be harsh and unfair... just when you are sure you are better, you get weighed down with awful feelings again... she seems determined to cut contact with you... i guess that realisation cuts you like a knife...just like when i now realise my ex does is determined to remove all traces of me in his life... pls, your hoping is not getting you anywhere...it just made you move ten steps back... you wanted 'no more pain'....try to extinguish any false hopes... and u can do this by accepting the situtaion as it is for now and stop contacting her....by not giving you the reaction you want, she will disappoint you... don't disappoint yourself further...you don't deserve it... Link to comment
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