Why can't I break up with him???

[bettyboop401]

Hi all...I need your help. I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 2 and a half months, but he insists he's head over heals in love with me. After 3 days he said he loved me and a few weeks after that he was talking about moving in together. I'd decided that we weren't suited because he obviously wanted something I wasn't ready to give so at about 6 weeks I decided to talk to him and break it off. He was so sweet...and promised he'd try and back off a bit and give me my space. So I agreed to take him back...I felt bad. Then a week and a half later he still was being clingy...even turning possessive. So again I tried to talk to him. He's always so sweet and I can't bring myself to end it cause I feel really really horrible. If only he was horrible to me or whatever...I just don't feel we're suited. Anyway...last night he was actually really horrible and jealous and rude to my friends so I decided to take my annoyance and end it. He started bawling...like hysterically...saying he was so in love with me and that's why he was acting the way he was...made it feel like my fault...and made me feel REALLY REALLY bad. So I again couldn't do it. I really really do want to end it...so my question is...how do you break up with a really really nice guy...and how do I put out of my head the hurt that he's going to feel - I don't seem to be able to get past that. Any answer that isn't 'just suck it up and end it' would be appreciated - I've tried that and I can't do it!

 

Thanks.

Betty

[Cid]

Well you need to leave him, I dont know what you want us to say. It is just do it. When he starts to go into the whole nice guy thing just walk way from him.

[karvala]

One crucial fact might help you: he is, undoubtedly, desperately unhappy most of the time even while in the relationship. Think of him as a guy with toothache who's terrified of the dentist. You don't want to force him to go through that awful experience, but you know that if you don't, he's going to be in more pain in the long run.

 

Just make sure he has some friends around him that can support him in the experience, and things to distract him, and then do it, knowing that you are ultimately helping him, alleviating his longer term pain. Because you really would be.

[Ixtapa]

Well, its a really tough one...but from reading your post, I would say he is not just "a very sweet guy". He seems quite manipulative to me and if you dont end it rather sooner than later, things could very well turn sour.

 

I mean, you just admitted he was being really rude to your friends which is not a good sign. Seems that he wants to keep you all for himself...my guess is that if you stay with him he will slowly start to isolate you from friends and family (happened to my sister and she is STILL in a very unhappy relationship with the guy 15 years later).

Starting to cry like a baby every time you try to talk seriously with him is another sign of manipulation (and not a sign that he is a sweet, sensitive guy).

 

I'm sorry but I dont have any real good advice on HOW to break up with him..but for starters, you could try to change your perspective of him and start seeing him as "NOT such a nice guy afterall". You can't just stay with him for the reason that you dont want to hurt him......as by staying with him you are hurting yourself instead !!!

[Honey Pumpkin]

Do it quickly and kindly, but be firm - don't let him have any false hope. Be absolulely clear that there is no chance that you will get back together. Tell him you're incompatible, he's a nice guy but you're not happy with him and you don't see that changing. Stick to your guns.

 

After 3 months he'll get over you quite quickly - a few months at most. After three years it would take him a LOT longer. The more quickly you do it, the better; the longer you leave it the more it's going to hurt him.

 

Good luck!

[Steven1607307306]

Think of him as a guy with toothache who's terrified of the dentist. You don't want to force him to go through that awful experience, but you know that if you don't, he's going to be in more pain in the long run.

 

Great simile. It works because that's IS what will happen. If you wait longer to leave him, his illusion of love will just grow stronger, and once you wait another week, or month he's gonna fall twice as hard.