Unsure Feelings

[lovestruck01]

Hey, im 17 years old, still in high school, and am currently 'going out' with a girl from my year. Ive recently bin getting these feelings that i just don't want to be in a relationship...i don't know what it is! this girl is all I've ever dreamed of, shes pretty, smart, funny...everything i would want. But still the feeling persists. I really don't know what to do, and silly old me, being a boy, we've had sex before...which makes it even harder.

 

I don't know whether to break up with her, otherwise i could lead a relationship for a while which would just be made on a lie. then again i don't know what to say? how the hell do i break it to her? she clearly adores me to bits. I mean we tell each other we love each other, but i've told her i only mean it in a best-friend and girl-friend, i mean im 17 come on im not in love yet. im really worried she is more in 'love' with me than i am her, and shes one of the greatest girls i've ever met in my life. thats why i dont understand why i wouldnt want to be with her. i really dont want to hurt her either, but i think it may be a bit late for it. Please, any help would be greatly appreciatied

 

eth

[LostInMyThoughts]

Sometimes doing whats right, means hurting someone you care about.

 

I know what you're going through, I've had to break up with someone before and it's not fun.

 

A couple things: she'll get over it. Plus, she'd be even more hurt that you kept going in the relationship leading her on, when you had already checked out. Finally, I think it's great that you're very considerate of her feelings, but what really counts is your feelings. If you're not feeling it, and desire to not be in a relationship, why wouldn't you put yourself first?

 

As for breaking it to her, I say do it in person. Sit her down and just explain that she's a great person, and you care about her alot--so much so that this is hard for you, but you just don't want to be in a relationship right now, and to continue on would be unfair to her, and unfair to you. Let her know that it's nothing that she's done, just that you're ready to move on. Give her a chance to ask some questions, if she wants, and offer her some closure. Then, take some time for yourself and let it all sink in.

[lovestruck01]

One thing though, im so scared she's gonna start balling her eyes out, i cant stand girls crying it just makes me feel like * * * *! I really think i need to speak to her face to face, but as soon as i say that she'll know somethings up, and ill get 20 million questions over the phone!!

[veneratio]

Yeah she's going to cry if she loves you, but you have to do it. I lead a girl on for awhile cause I was scared of hurting her. Not the greatest feeling...

 

Wait to do it in person.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Yaah dude, I know where you're coming from. But if it's any consulation, she'll probably lash out eventually, and try to be mean to you. That usually helps.

 

Take a day or two to mull it over though, you dont want to make any rash decisions.

[lovestruck01]

oh my god, why is this so difficult!!! im so scared, nervous, paranoid all at once. I think she can tell somethings up and id really rather just get it done and over with, im certain that i no longer want a relationship, i know that my decision is final, how long i leave it will just make things feel like more of a burden. As u might tell though im rather scared of doing it to her face though, as weve had little mini fights before ive seen her reations, let me say theyre not good. im so so worrrrrrrried!!!!!!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Just suck it up bro. It's not going to be easy, but once it's done, it's done.

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

Welcome to ENA.

It looks like other ENA-ers have been giving you great advice!

If I may chime in here:

Yes she will cry.

Yes she will ask million questions (esp. if she did NOT see this coming)

Yes she will hurt and so will you.

Yes she may resent you for a while.

 

BUT

 

She will thank you down the road for having the wisdom to let go, sooner rather than later, of a relationship that was not right for both parties involved.

 

If you are certain that this relationship is not right for you, then please talk to her as soon as you can; as hard as it may be, do not let her tears dissuade you from doing the right thing for both of you.

 

And please know we're here to support you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[lovestruck01]

ok, so its been done unfortunately there was much tears, which were inevitable, along with her friends now hating me...which were some of my close friends. She wants to come over tonight just to talk to me about it. I said yes thats fine, but im hoping i havent trapped myself in an area of disaster. Is it normal for me to feel a little like i may have done the wrong thing, im really confused now, i feel like a complete joke saying this, but i sort of still feel for her, but that was alwsays the case, i haven't stopped liking her, its never been about that but i just dont want to be in a relationship, its a gut feeling, or i think anyways. Im worried its just cause i feel bad, were friends i know that, but she can turn from angel to * * * * * in a matter of minutes. I really hope i haven't made a mistake in letting her come over tonight.